Black sucking vortexes

You know when you meet someone who's really boring? Someone's who is dry and when you're around them you just don't have the energy to put forth?

Then there's a level of person that exceeds that. There's the person that is such a black vortex that it not only taxes you when you're with them, but sucks the life from you for the rest of the day. I ran into one of those today. Someone who hit me so hard with their blowy personality that I have nothing left to give all day.

So there goes my post in my blog. I was going to be funny and post sweet stuff that's underrated an the like. But you lose because of Mr. Blowy this afternoon.

I will say this though. In 27 hours I will be seeing U2 in concert. After all there's only one more sleep till U2 ...

Amazing isn't it?

This is going to be the link addition of my blog. I don't do this often, but there are three different articles that deserve reading. Read the article and then read my brief yet hopefully meaningful insight.

1.) Glenn Beck's Website

That link sends you to an amazing story on the Glenn Beck website. I'm not going to go off about it. But in summary it's about a man named Donald Herbert. He was a fire fighter and has been in a coma for roughly the last ten years. He recently awoke from his coma and the first words he said were, "I want to talk to my wife."

My blog has in no way been a memorial or a tribute to Terri Schiavo. But this case is stunningly similar, yet the media refuses to note this. Yeah, she probably wouldn't have awakened from her coma at all. I hope the court system in America feels good about her blood on their hands.

2.) Josh's Blog

This is a buddy of mine's blog. His name is Josh, and he just wrote a brief piece about Jennifer Wilbanks. Maybe you don't recognize the name so let me help you ... she's the bride that lied to America and ran off from her wedding. Now you recognize her. The part I'm miffed about is the part about Fernando Mateo, the President of Hispanics Across America. The fact that he's demanding an apology from this girl is absurd. You can read the post and my comment for further thoughts. Good find Josh.

3.) Lillet and Trey

This is a piece from the blog of Lillet and Trey. We've referenced them a couple of times in our blog. They're the raging liberals that hate America. Great writers, but cracked out kids. I dare say they should be deported for their anti-American ways. They claim America hates them ... I think they hate America. This is the part that got me up in arms. Lillet is discussing America's concern of homosexual behavior or even sexual behavior.

"Open Letter to America: If you are someone who thinks that what two guys or girls do with each other is a bigger concern than

a) A lying, impeachable President
b) Poverty
c) Global Warming
d) Corporate Criminality
e) Wal-Mart
f) Rampant Outsourcing and Job Loss
g) Rudeness"

Here are my quick hit bullet points


a) We tried to deal with Bill Clinton. So I think America was concerned with that. You're probably talking about Bush, but remember Clinton? Probably not Democrats still LOVE him.
b) Poverty - a.k.a. people abusing the welfare system. I'd love to get rid of that and actually help poor people get jobs. Welfare costs taxpayers roughly $35,000 a year I think. My buddy cited this stat once, I just can't remember where. I'd love to do something about Welfare, but democrats won't allow it. What a waste.
c) Global warming - is a huge myth and even my 13 year old brother knows that. Scientists take horribly inaccurate measurements that aren't high enough in the atmosphere, and when they do, it's too inaccurate to prove anything. If Global warming is so bad, why the crap was it snowing last weekend?
d) Corporate Criminality - We do try to do something about this. But it's some isolated incidences. Nothing as massive and relative to the morality of an entire nation as homosexuality.
e) Wal-Mart - I agree it does blow and mistreat a fair amount of employees. It drives out businesses and then jacks up the prices. Clearly not important enough to raise the ire of the nation.
f) Rampant outsourcing - We try to deal with this often. Huge issues in the senate like Barbara Boxer trying to buy low prescription drugs from Canada instead of buying them from American works and businesses. That's outsourcing right? Oh yeah she says Republicans doing it all the time. Most democrats in the media don't make it an issue. But we're trying to fight it.
g) Rudeness - You're stupid for putting that. Haha, just a bad joke. Speaking of rudeness how about Lillet and Trey not getting back to Andrew when he was out in Brooklyn and wanted to visit them. Way to ignore his comments and attempts to catch a quick meal with you guys. Talk about rudeness ...

These are things that I get fired up about on a daily basis and things a lot of America would love to change. We also just think that it's slightly immoral for homosexuality to be legal. Not to mention detrimental to children who are parented in such homes. It's just not as solid as the traditional nuclear home. This will probably spark a debate, but one we've put off for a while, so let the battle begin. Alright, that's all I've got for now. Enjoy those few links and I've got some lame humorous stuff coming your way tomorrow.

Passionate defense

So I wasn't planning on posting today. I was too busy to think this weekend and therefore nothing can cometh forth. Ok, that's not quite true. I chose not to think, but instead to nap and watch tons of the NBA playoffs instead. You know, one of those classic lazy as all else weekends. Filled with two big meals, lots of NBA, a baseball game, and church to boot. Back to the matter at hand though. I was reading a story on Fox News this morning and felt it warranted definite posting. The story is key Australia Stands Tall

Since most of you won't read the story, or will click on it and not take the time to read all of it once you go there, I'll do the brief summary thing. An Australian Engineer working in Iraq was kidnapped. This is exactly the type of news that we have become desensitized too since it happens so often, much like random car bombings in either Iraq or Israel. But this man has been over there for a year and a half and has a wife in California. He resides in CA a lot, but works all over the world, and is Australian. Of course the terrorist animals that kidnapped him released one of those horrible tapes of him scared at gun point begging for help. If video footage like that doesn't enrage you - you must be dead.

Random subpoint the sooner we rid the world of pigs like this the better off we are. Forget the fact that the rulers of this nation used to put people in plastic shredders. You were lucky if you went in head first, because you died instantly, unlike if you want feet first. We now have sick sadistic terrorists capturing innocent hard working men and women and holding them hostage. Not only this, but then they release the tape as a sick and malicious slap in the face to his wife and family. It's horrifying to see and equally as horrifying to think they inhabit this planet with us.

So of course the terrorists ask for the troops to leave Iraq and the man will not be harmed. The absurdity of this statement is baffling. Like we're supposed to believe people who think it's ok to kidnap, threaten, and humiliate others. If the troops actually pull out, they'll let him go unharmed. I'm sure that will happen. And you know what? These people that act in such hateful ways, they'll go on living peacefully and never doing wrong again. It's utterly proposterous to take these men at their word. And it makes me angry that they even keep trying.

So today I salute three people or groups. First and foremost - I salute every person over seas anywhere serving their country and freedom. I salute those from Britain, Australia, Poland, America - the list could go on. The article states that Australia only has 1,370 over there, but it's a big contribution none the less, and when they lose a person it hurts just as much as when America does. So thank you all for your service not only to this nation, but the idea of freedom around the world. You have given of your time and risked your life for these ideals and we owe you a debt of gratitude.

I salute the nation currently of Australia. It's a hard line to take in this instance, but Australia has. They have created a task force in an effort to save this man, but have also asserted that they will under no circumstance remove their troops from Iraq or pay any ransom. It may seem heartless and it may seem cruel. I maintain they would not release the hostage any way. But Australia, as well as other nations who have in the past, is making a claim for freedom and justice. They're letting the light shine in the darkness. We will reach the end, and we will in the future have a free nation, and an ally in Iraq. Australia we thank you for your help and the strong message you send to the world.

My last salute is simple, but goes to the people of Iraq whom we never hear of thanks to the media or websites like Yahoo. We never hear of the Iraqis who are happy we're there, who are trying to elect the new government, or those who have signed up for their army and are being trained. Yahoo always shows pictures of those soldiers with Iraqis behind them crying or clutching a teddy bear in sadness. Yet I've talked to men and women who have served and can say there are people over there, the majority even, who are happy, safe, and free. That sentence had to be punctuated incorrectly. Anyway, so here is a salute to those Iraqis are fighting and free. We look forward to a future of security for you.

Here comes the horribly awkward ending transition, but I need to blog this. Only 5 days until I see U2 in concert in Chicago! Oh yeah, you may get a countdown each day this week. Later crackers.

I'm a man of my word

Bill, I told you I would send you props, so get yourself ready.




In a bold and daring move, Bill Clinton proved that he does more than just talk about individual 'rights and liberties'. After slapping his "Box the Box" label on his ahem, Venti Soy Triple Carmel Macchiato Extra Hot cup, Mr. Clinton proves that he not only talks the talk, but walks his walk...all the way to the bank! You just won yourself $2 (American) Mr. President! Upgrade!!

Just because I can

I could not pass up this opportunity to share a valuable web-resource with you all. Go here to this website to see what I'm talking about, people .

If you print this one out and put it on a coffee cup I'll give you $2 as well and well deserved props on our blog! Also save that picture and we'll post it so everyone can see it as well.

What time is it?

Time to admit change. I have known Andrew for roughly five years now. Ever since the first moment I have known several things about Andrew:

1.) Kid is crazy in love for Miami.
2.) Absolutely loves warm weather.
3.) Cool Christian with his head on straight even if he is a raging Calvinist.
4.) Swell guy (Gee thanks Mr. Wilson).
5.) He loves 311. See archived blogs for details.

I have never really enjoyed 311. They were too out there for me. Too many sounds that it seemed like they were unable to settle on one. Some good songs, but really zero radio play other than "All Mixed Up." I just wasn't sold, even through four years of friendship with Andrew. Until a couple of weeks ago.

So we move into our DIVE of an apartment and Andrew starts playing 311's live concert DVD all the time. So I watch their show little by little and song by song. One day I collapse on the couch after lifting (yeah I'm huge ... ok not really) and I start watching the DVD and it clicks. I finally like these guys. They're really talented musicians, they write their own stuff, and they're talented enough to play several styles. Nothing like rocking up a crowd, mellowing them out, and rocking out again. And their stuff is catchy. It has solid lyrics that last, not meaningless pop dribble. So while I think it's a bit of a farce they have a greatest hits CD, it's good stuff. I think a greatest hits CD, as my friend Josh suggests, you need to have sustained success for a decade or more, and numerous solid albums. 311 has a cult following for sure, but a greatest hits CD I'm not sure if they're qualified to relase that. Any way you slice it, I'm digging 311 a ton lately. I can't stop listening to them. So hats off to Andrew for staying the course, or beating down my resistance to them after all this time.

Other random comments that need mentioning:

1.) Sesame Street Debacle I can't believe that Sesame Street is changing Cookie Monster. Cookies are SOMETIMES FOOD! What's next, "C is for celery that's good enough for me!" People need to take responsibility. If you don't know that cookies make you fat you suck.

2.) In my tradition of reporting good news - Alonzo Mourning has donated his $300,000 salary from the Miami Heat to orphaned kids and children with kidney problems. Since he's suffered twice from kidney failure this is fitting.

3.) Some more intelligent Starbucks labels you can print out and put on your cup - great idea Andrew.

- "We know that he has stored secret supplies of biological and chemical weapons throughout his country." -- Al Gore, Sept. 23, 2002

- "Saddam Hussein has been engaged in the development of weapons of mass destruction technology which is a threat to countries in the region and he has made a mockery of the weapons inspection process." -Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D, CA), Dec. 16, 1998 (That's long haha last one though I promise.)

- The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal. They're about getting ratings, about making money, about doing stories that are easy to cover. -- Al Franken (I can't believe I even put that)

- If you're a liberal, anything you say is protected. If you're a conservative, anything you say is hateful. -- Laura Schlessinger

- "Republicans believe every day is the 4th of July, but the Democrats believe every day is April 15." --Ronald Reagan

- "If you're not a liberal at 20, you have no heart, and if you're not a conservative at 40, you have no head." -- Winston Churchill

- "A wise man's heart directs him toward the right, but a foolish
man's heart directs him toward the left." -- Ecclesiastes 10:2 (Can't argue with the Bible)

- One last one from Ronald and this one will turn heads

"Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born."
--Ronald Reagan

- Vin Diesel's High School prank was Western Civilization. (Not really just a funny quote from the previously posted Vin Diesel site).

So take that Starbucks. What have we learned today guys? 311 is sweet, frivalous law suits against innane things are bad like the cookie monster, and giving money to kids is a good thing. Well I'm off to do stuff ... like make phone calls. I'm really impacting the world today - one call at a time.

I Can't Help It

I was all set to blog about something trivial. I just wanted to sit down and blog how much I love the NBA Playoffs. I was also going to throw in a paragraph about how Andrew has finally broken me and I love 311 now. I can't get enough of their music. Granted, they're not U2, but they do have some pretty good music. But then I got in the car and took a road trip to Columbus. While listening to talk radio I was tempted to pick up a USA Today.

Let me say I HATE USA Today. I get it free all the time thanks to Hampton Inn. It's a nice way to catch up on the news, but it's written for a third grader and it never gives the full side of the story. But today they found the other side of the story and actually ran it. Props to USA Today. For weeks they have been blasting Tom DeLay for his allegedly "unethical". I've stated on this blog before I can understand that. He may have messed up and had lobbyists pay for his travel. My case has always been this, "Why blast only DeLay when everyone does it?"

It's documented that Barbara Boxer does it. It's documented that Nancy Pelosi does it. Harry Reid does it for goodness sake. So why just point out DeLay? It's just Democrats avoiding facts and trying to gain ground. Quinn in the morning, a local conservative talk show personality always says, "Look at what Democrats are saying about Republicans, assuming about them, and that's what they're up to." If they say they're lying about service (i.e. Bush guard duty) then they probably are (i.e. Kerry and war stories). If they say they're misusing funds or being unethical, chances are they are themselves as well.

So USA Today finally runs the other side of the story today as well, and front page no less. The article outlines how travel by congressmen and congresswomen (all about equality here just like GCC and Title IX) is often paid privately. Since 2000 $16 million has been paid in private trips with half being paid / sponsored by non-profit groups. If Non-profits pay for the trips, the rule is they don't have to disclose who is paying for the trip. The rule goes that a lobbyist or a representative of foreign interst may not pay. That's the short of it all.

PoliticalMoneyLine did a survey of campaign finance and lobbying data and found out some of the following stats. Democrats took 3,025 such trips while Repubulicans took 2,375. DeLay took 14 trips, valued at $94,568 and was 28th on the list of money spent per trips. And Harold Ford, a democrat took the most trips 63. The Nancy Pelosi took a nice little trip to Puerto Rico that her aide said, "I was unaware that we had to document expenses." UNAWARE! YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME.

A quote from the article: "While ethics rules require lawmakers to try to find out and disclose who is paying for their trips, they often fail to do so, said Larry Noble of the Center for Responsive Politics an ethics watchdog group. 'It has become a don't ask dont' tell system,' Noble said."

So I make my point. I wanted to have a nice blog. But I couldn't stay silent on this. This is prime time example of facts being kryptonite, but only to the democratic party instead of the Republican party. This kid is so sick of the democrats pointing fingers and not answering questions when the fingers are pointed back. Tom DeLay messed up, but so did others. And darn it it's time they answered for it as well. I'm sick of the watchdog media just giving them a pass. I'm sick of Larry King asking soft questions. Then he gets a soft answer and doesn't follow up with the hard one. I'm tired of Dan Rather making stuff up and then passing the buck. I'm tired of Yahoo headlines sneaking in liberally slanted headlines and pictures of U.S. soliders serving their country honorably but Yahoo puts up a picture with kids crying. I'm tired of hearing news reported about how Iraq is a mess, and then meeting those who have served our country and they come back and say we're doing so much good. No longer should Democrats get a pass. Apparently they screwed up this time as well and if they're going to fry DeLay then some of them need to fry as well.

Blam! Rant over. No one's perfect, let's see it from both sides this time. Next time I'm going to blog fun and lighthearted ... I promise. Sometimes things get lit under me and you just have to rant. And oh yeah, by the way, the Surreal Life on VH1 is such a gay show.

Quick Link

Wow. I just stumbled across maybe the funniest website I've seen in ages. A friend of mine sent me this link to random facts about Vin Diesel. You know Vin Diesel right? He's the actor of former XXX glory, as well as Chronicles of Riddick, and more recently The Pacifier. He's really a horrible actor, but quite possibly one of the hardest guys ever to roam the free earth. Just keep hitting refresh for new facts. I bet you laugh for like an hour like I did. And I only saw a repeat fact once. If you don't know who Vin Diesel is, sorry, but this is RICH. Without further delay ... Vin Diesel Facts

Since I hear Keith's guffaw across the office

Keith's over in his office and he's in stitches laughing at this one website. It reminded me of one particular website that really used to make me chuckle. I know some of you will remember this one from a few years back. And more importantly, I know some of you danced around in your dorm room to the blazin' midi track. LAUGH!!!

I'll give you philosophical ideas!

Philosophical debate?!

Someone at Starbucks(TM) has finally bought into their own pretentious cult of personality! I admittedly stole this link from Lillet and Treigh, but I had thoughts about this earlier this week as I cruised around NYC.

And for those of you steeped in Andrew and Keith blog lore, you know that this past week I was supposed to hang out wit our arch rivals Lillet and Traa. Actually Lillet and Treiy have stopped responding to all comments that we make on their blogs. But that's fine because we have Anon now, and the "I hate you! Don't leave me" symdrome continues.

Anyway, Starbucks has started printing liberal garbage on the side of their cups. If you read the article above, you'll know what I mean. I was walking around Manhattan this past week wondering to myself how I got sucked into Starbucks, why I was being a total totebagger , and why on earth was I gulping down these liberal philsophies graffittied on the side of my Grande Carmel Macchiato, Extra hot?

I still am not sure about those answers, but in order to counter Starbucks' pretentious political innuendo aimed at 'creating philosophical discussion', I will create my OWN philosophicalizing triggers for you. What you can actually do is take these, copy and paste them onto a label that you can print out from Microsoft Word, and then carry some of them around with you. When you go to Starbucks, whip some of them out of your pocket or purse or totebag or whatever and slap them over the stupid crap that's printed on your cup. That way when someone looks over at your cup and tries to start a philosophical debate with you, you will already have the upper hand! Tada!!

So take heed my friends for I am about to batter you with knowledge that is easily transfered onto Starbucks cups. (by the way if anybody does this I swear I want you to take a picture of it and I'll give you 2 bucks, I swear. That's 2 AMERICAN dollars.)

1) "Where everybody is a Christian, nobody is a Christian" -Alexander Solzheneitzen (sp?)

2) "It all depends on what yor definittion of 'is' is" -Bill Clinton

3) "I'm a stuck up douche bag who actually says "Tall" instead of "Small" when ordering cappuccios" -Anonymous Starbucks Drinker's Conscience

4) "Quit staring at my crotch!" -Andrew (I say this all the time, I'm so sick of being treated as a piece of meat)

5) "Do stuff to it" -Drew Martin (he originally coined the phrase)

6) A majority is a majority dummy.

7) "You...you've got what I need. But you say he's just a friend, yeah you say he's just a friend. OH BABBBYYY YOOUUUUU..." -Biz Markie

8) "I don't think anyone has sued Starbucks for having coffee that's too hot yet. Let's band together and commit insurance fraud!" -Anon



So there are some starter quotes. Maybe I'll think of some more good ones and get them out to you soon. For now...ROCK FIST!

Scrolling Down ...

Scrolling down long comment chains suck. A lot of commenting happened while I was out of town. A few brief, I'll try I promise, comments. I hate to keep isolating Anon, but you just keep flying by with untrue statements.

1.) You agree with Coulter that Timothy McVeigh should have instead blown up The New York Times building because they publish facts with which you don't agree. Nice! I said two things: The Times sucks. I don't care that they publish things I don't agree with. I care when they ignore stories that are true, and reported by everyone but them, but since they are liberal refuse too. News is news - report it. Two you're taking her quotes out of context. When this is done it makes things look worse. Nice try.

2.) I don't want all Throckmortons teaching. I never had him. But I don't want professors that say we deserved to die in 9-11. There's a place for people like that, in a cave with Osama. How about a little support for our nation? Is that too hard to ask from him? Didn't think so.

3.) Dems ain't perfect either but at least they are based in Reality. Facts are Kryptonite to Republicans, I understand that. I'm curious, though: what do you consider credible news sources? Are they faith-based? Facts are Kryptonite ... haha. That's rich. Like when Barbara Boxer was confronted with questions about specific facts that she had done just what Delay is being accused of. Remember that? She ignores the question and points the finger at Delay. That my friend is ignoring facts. And Dems rule at it. And not all credible news sources must be faith based. I go by - CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, Us News and World Report, and various local newspapers. I don't watch Christian TV - it's awful, and I don't subscribe to Christian publications. You can now get off me.

4.) It's also a question of scale -- and btw, that's 32.5 k a year for Boxer's son, which is, well, probably not overpaying -- and what the offspring in question did for the dough. Nothing unethical as long as it's on a smaller scale or you can explain it away. Notice a theme here anon? Both sides make mistakes. The Democrats, since a lot exist in media, get a free pass. No one asks the hard follow up of The Box when she fails to answer. Way to explain away her mistake as a small scale one. She needs to own up as well.

5.) Andrew explained that we do follow Title IX. I told you it's not about the gender issue, it's about not taking money from the government. We have plenty of girls sports, and as you see more than men. We're not some community that still has women churning butter alright? Blam in ya' face.

6.) Some girl who had a bad experience there with some dudes and Jesus in general. This is the most disgusting statement at all. That you could coldly minimize a tragedy like that and insinuate that it must be the woman's fault is lower than low. The bold was my previous statement. You misconstrued it. I was merely referring to something on a simple level. Like a girlfriend who'd been dumped by her boyfriend and went into a religious funk after that when her friends in Campus Crusade couldn't help her out of it. In no way was I referring to anything more traumatic. I've had some of those traumatic issues occur within my own life and family and wouldn't joke about them. But thanks for assuming the worst of me.

You see Anon - Amanda has been right all along, and Andrew and I because we're never wrong. Both sides mess up. In the end I just believe that at least Republicans have a better plan to fix America. So therefore I hope I can elect people in who not only will be a good example (which doesn't always happen) and people who will enact that plan. Everyone abuses power, everyone falls short, everyone has issues. I just feel that in the past, and recently, Republicans have a better plan, work within their means, and aren't out of touch with the majority of America. You can go ahead and run with some comment blasting me on homosexuality and abortion there, feel free. But don't just come back making hate filled statements about how we suck more than you and Grove City blows. It's doing something right that you researched it or spent time there. We're slowly turning you to the light my friend. I'm off to bed because it's wicked late and church comes early - yeah that's a faith based news source for those of you keeping score at home.

Refer to Anon's comments

Back on Keith's blog not about my birthday.

Yeah let's think another way than in a linear fashion.

As far as I know, there are many institutions of high education in American. nearly 100% of them tow the same "I'm the same as you. Your ideas are as valid as mine. We are all the same, and truth is relative, so swallow the filth I promulgate" line. That's linear thinking...actually maybe it's not linear, maybe it takes the form of a spiral-a steep downward one at that.

Grove City College takes a stand for independence. Grove City takes a stand to teach in a different way, and you blast them for it? Tow your own line!! If you're all in favor of independent thinking and thinking outside the box, then recognize that GCC is a revolutionary college institution...that is unless you're scared that your fascade 'education' will collapse on itself if outside thinking is allowed. Grove City does follow title 9 in regards to sports...actually wait we don't, because we have 9 mens varsity sports and 10 girls sports. Maybe we have as many club sports for women as we do men. And maybe we follow title 9 and your idiot mouth won't stop flapping long enough for you to find out. I'll give you a link: www.gcc.edu.

For as much as you sound the trumpet of facts as dieties, you delude yourself into thinking Throckmorton isn't onto something. I understand that his research is incredibly controversial to gay people. But for the rest of America that believes homosexuality isn't genetic and just isn't natural (Anon...in the out hole? You can't tell me that's normal), Throckmorton's research is a refreshing contrast to constantly being bombarded by the homosexual social agenda. Being a psychology major myself (yes that's right, I know everything about psychology) I was privy to research by a lot of credible sources on homosexuality. NOT A ONE CREDIBLE SOURCE HAS EVER DOCUMENTED THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS GENETIC AND UNCONTROLLABLE!!! NOT ONE!!! If you have bought into the myth that homosexuality is inherently genetic and that no one can control their feelings for one sex or another, you've bought into a huge social lie. there are just no facts, Anon, to support it. Here is your opportunity to digest a fact. Stop. Meditate. Repeat after me "Dang it Andrew is right, again. I should really take a dose of my own medicine and try to start digesting facts from reluctant sources and get over my own prejudices and hate for these guys". It's really not that hard, according to yourself.

FURTHERMORE!!! I was just informed by a number of people over the past week that our blog is slowly growing a cult following! I can't tell you how much that makes me want to crap myself with happiness! Thanks for reading our blog, you silent majority, and thanks for telling people to read it. I would encourage you to continue to read, post, and read some more.


LAST OFF!!!!! This blog is about self respect...take a look at what I'm wearing, people. Do you think anyone wants a roundhouse kick to the face with these bad boys on? Forget about it!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I would just like to tell everyone in Blog land that half of our staff ... ok that's really just Andrew, has his birthday today. So feel free to wish him a Happy Birthday. Of course Anon will probably make it some snide comment, but that's cool, we welcome it because at least we have dialogue now. So Happy B-day Drew - that's Donkey Patrol for those of you keeping score at home.

Secondly I just want to gripe for a minute. I've been saving money for three years to go to the world cup in Germany next summer. Despite the fact that it's a liberal marxist American hating hole, the holy grail of soccer will be held there. So I have saved $3,500 up for air fare, tickets, food, etc. So my buddies and I put in our application for tickets and we find out today if we get them. Well wouldn't you know they had too many applications and we don't get any tickets. I've been saving for THREE FLAMING YEARS! What in the world is going on here? America hates soccer. So now the team gets good and everyone jumps on the bandwagon. I've been doing things correctly for three years and acting responsibly, and I get screwed. This totally sucks and I may now hate sports because of it. This could be the turning point. I have much more success when I loaf and just have things fall in my lap.

Lastly in my tradition, sort of, of reporting good deeds, I saw one today that made me glow. While sitting and reading down at the Inner Harbor in Baltimore a few kids were playing with a miniature basketball. One brother took it and threw it away from his brother and of course it bounced away and into the water. So the kids are crying, Dad is upset, and no one knows what to do. So the homeless guy is there, and he takes off his coat, fully clothed, and climbs down the ladder, putting his legs on the bottom rung and in the water. He reaches out with his coat, and is able to drape it over the ball and pull it towards himself. He grabs it, climbs out soaking wet from the knees down, and gives it to the kid. Everyone is amazed, the kid hugs him and thanks him and everyone just breaks out into applause. And for one moment in time, the barrier of the haves and the haves not is broken. It was quite a moving moment actually and a very good deed that deserved mentioning, even if only in blog land. Alright kids I'm off to bed. Good night all and Happy Birfday Drew.

So the problem is ...

So the problem is that I've been agitated since about comment 18 on Andrew's post. At some point Anon decided to quit making crappy comments like, "Why don't you sit on your face donkey boy. Go fight in the war!" and he made ones that were politcally charged ... and false. Now I know that politics tends to be a circular argument and no one ever gets anywhere, but these were just so out there that I had to try to touch on them briefly. I hate circular arguments with all my heart, but here we go. Anon's previous comments in italics.

1.) "Racism is going to be an open wound until it's treated and allowed to heal. It seems, though, that your party just won't do its part in the healing--it's just too useful a political tool." Interesting that "my party" which is the republican party just won't let it heal. Never mind the fact that George Soros and his groupies from moveon.org were the ones running certain commercials in the innercity targeting african americans. These emotionally charged spots suggested that, "... when Bush and his big money white boys get in the white house again they're going to institute a draft. Don't get played." That's just an excerpt. But DON'T say republicans open the wound, because Democrats exploit it time and time again because it's the one category of vote they can count on in the past. Forget the fact that Bush has several African American's in places of prominence in his cabinet ... Republicans are racist right? How many did Clinton have again? Yeah that's what I thought ...

2.) "Bigotry against gays goes hand in hand with that. Rove did a great job at making that an election issue, though I'm thinking he might have lost your vote if they'd come out against hot TV lesbians." Let's get one thing straight. Karl Rove is a genius. This is evident by the fact that he runs a killer campaign. It's so wrong and bigoted that he posed a question relevant to America during an election year. He did raise it as an election issue; I'll give you that. It's not bigoted though that the people of America want to uphold Biblical values and traditional American families. It's bigoted that democrats call for tolerance and everyone to have their own beliefs and equality - yet when Republicans or Christians try to have a viewpoint it's bigoted. Heaven forbid we be allowed to have an opinion. Only the Democrats are. I'm sorry America wants to hold values, but it's no way bigoted. And Americans came out to vote for it. Chalk one up for Mr. Rove. Lesbians aren't hot by the way ... i.e. Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen Degeneres. Lastly I don't hate or think less of homosexual people. I do think it's morally wrong, but I'm not going to ignore homosexual people or send them to Iceland. But seriously, has anyone seen what Man thigh looks like? How can another dude like that?

3.) "Equal rights for women? Something tells me that you think that's unnecessary and that you would agree that the state should tell women what they can do with their own bodies." I don't even know where this comment came from. But women have rights. I'm all for it. They just don't have the right to kill anyone. Last time I checked no one in our country did. Abortion is beat and you know it.

4.) "And voter intimidation and suppression in the last couple of elections are just fictions that the Michael Moore wing of the left made up, right?" Wow voter intimidation. I'm going to go Hannity on you here, which I'm sure you love, and ask you to show me one instance of a republican intimidating a voter. Then I'll listen to your argument. Because when I went to vote several things happened. No one was being intimidated. The sample ballot that was out showing people how to vote had Kerry and Edwards marked on it. That's no swaying anyone though. Finally people were everywhere asking if I understood how to operate the machinery. And frankly if you can't figure out how to work a machine, I don't want your vote to count ... whatever side it may be for. If you can't pull a lever, punch a hole, or push a button you shouldn't be able to decide who runs the country. The only voter intimidation is misleading commercials and funding run by big money givers to the democratic party. Misleading commercials that say Bush is supressing the African American vote and African American rights. When in reality he's promoting people of color left and right. What a farce. George Soros can eat me, he gave more singlehandedly than the top three givers of the republican party combined. Then he just made up facts. Point out voter intimidation that the Republicans did then we'll talk.

5.) "And your vitriol about the ACLU-- ACLU has become a codeword for "New York Jew", doncha know. You might want to look at that. And then you might want to send them 50 bucks for their work against the excesses of the Patriot Act." I hate the ACLU. It has such potential and is a decent idea. It also could does some good. Very very little good. Here's the problem I have with the ACLU. They have gone completely off the deep end. Here's a current example of some of the ACLU problems. They have sent some representatives down to Arizona to work with the Minute Men that we have patrolling the borders. Now that sounds like a noble cause. But they've stated that they're there to protect the rights of the illegal immigrants who are caught! Since when do people breaking the law and sneaking into a country they have no residency in have rights!?!? These people should be kicked back across the border! So they find no wrongdoing in any way shape or form. So what do they do, try to create a scene and get the Minute Men to retaliate. They have gone up to them in pitch black and blasted a spot light on their face. They give them the finger. They blast loud noises to wake them up. It's unbelievable. They're defending ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS. Give me a break. This is just a MICROCOSM of what they do. I'm not only going to get into the iffy practice of Affirmative Action. It's not reverse racist to hire a man because of his skin color. Same type person, same credentials, same experience, yet one guy is African American so he gets hired. It's unbelievable actually. Good man Kender comments from time to time here and has a blog http://www.stoptheaclu.blogspot.com/ He goes into detail and I'm going to piggy back him since he's done the leg work. But they seriously may warrant their own blog soon. The ACLU is a joke.

The Patriot Act is sweet. I have no problem if the government can see if I'm checking out a book entitled, "How to make a bomb." I have no problem if the government can check out my file. Maybe it will save a couple thousands lives. I don't care about offending a few people along the way to save the innocent lives of thousands. Is the Patriot Act perfect? No. But it's better than the nothing act. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. The Democrats haven't figured this out yet though. Let's not talk about homosexuality. It'll just fix itself. Let's not talk about Sandy "Pants" Berger who stuffed documents in his pants that were incriminating of Clinton and his lack of inaction. Let's not talk about the fact that Bush Promotes people of color. Let's not talk about the fact that the only people who suggested a draft in congress were Barbara Boxer and what's his name that escapes me now from Minnesota. If we just say it was a Bush idea we can get away with it right? Let's not talk about the fact that Kerry has still yet to produce medical records and better yet let's forge some for Bush and run them on CBS. You can't ignore things and expect them to get better. Social Security is another prime example. Bush must be lying. So let's not do anything and see where we are in 25 years. IT'S GOING TO BE SO SWEET WHEN I HAVE GIVEN THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO AN EMPTY ACCOUNT! Inaction is bad - Patriot Act = Sweet.

6.) "And hey, Whoops! No WMD! People make mistakes" I'm not sure where to begin on this one. Part of me believes there still could be WMD. Sadam knew we were coming and heaven knows there are enough terrorist nations around him to help out. But you'd laugh at that so I'll go elsewhere. Hard to argue with someone who is not really logical or reasonal. Iraq was still a threat, and had massive capabilities to produce WMD. Not really mentioned in mainstream media, but they have found all kind of explosive cake powder, or a couple of trucks that were sneaking chemical materials across the Syrian border. No one really covers all that though. Kind of curious ... Dan Rather anyone? Point two we did manage to liberate a country along the way. You want to gripe, as aforementioned, about women's rights. That country had none and now they can vote and have more rights than they ever dreamed. Lastly and most importantly EVERYONE THOUGHT THEY HAD WMD. http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1051684/posts Look at all the Democrats that thought they had them as well. If you're going to nail Bush for saying they had WMD and they didn't, then nail all these Democrats as well. It was bad intelligence not something manufactured for a war that Bush wanted to fight. Everyone thought we were at risk. Everyone ... do you get that now. Hard to say Bush made it up when everyone believed it isn't it?

7.) "Y'know, a hitch in Iraq might be just the thing you need to clear your head. But I expect you'll just keep on with your casual and smug bashing of the party of social and economic justice, the pile of Cheeto™ crumbs on your lap growing ever higher." Cheetos suck. I prefer good chips and salsa. You seem to forget that support comes in many packages. I constantly pray for those fighting overseas, send financial support, respect and thank all who fight for us, or buy a hot meal for any that I see in restaurants or out in public anywhere. I know several people who have fought overseas and they are incredibly brave men and women who are to be honored. So I'm not going to stoop and say something ignorant about the war. So many thanks to all who fight for our country and freedom. I believe Amanda has sufficiently stated why we haven't chosen to enlist. If you want to be ignorant and call it lazy that's fine. Belittle me, it's really mature, logical, rational arguing. That's all you seem to be capable of.

There is my defense of my political beliefs. Am I saying the Republican party is perfect? Heck no. But I believe it's the best thing we have going right now. And sometimes we have to use broken vessels to fix things. For my money, that vessel is the Republican party. Wow ... long blog ... dang it I said I wouldn't do that anymore. I'm off to read the new Ann Coulter book ...

In case you hadn't noticed, you lazy readers

There's quote the discussion going on about "Where Blood and Fire..." you should get off the couch and contribute. That's all I have to say for now, other than that I'm glad Anonymous finally came out of her shell.

Where Blood and Fire Bring Rest and Peace is a song not about war, by the way. I just thought the title was appropriate for your consideration of civil war.

While I've got your Attention with that Abe Lincoln Racist stuff...

You all know I'm a huge fan of Arrested Development on Fox. The show is revolutionary in its approach to sitcom TV. The story line, though cracked out, is also a trip to follow. And Portia DeRossi, while a crunchy lesbian, is a flaming hot crunch lesbian. But in all seriousness the show has garnered praise from a ton of critics and has even won an Emmy! WOW!

Sadly Fox is thinking about canceling Arrested Development. I guess killing the goose that lays the golden egg is en vogue these days, but I'm not going to stand it. I want you, my fellow Americans, to go get arrested and endorse the show! Tell all your friends! If we rise up and slap Fox around, maybe they won't cancel the show. If you doubt that this is the funniest show on television, you can try to explain to me which show is better, and why. I guarantee that you will be wrong.

Maybe it's time for another renegade crusade to spread the word!!!!!!!!!!

Sneaky Suspicion

When reading Andrew's hilariously titled blog, "Kick her in the box(er)" I could only chuckle. I know exactly what he's talking about, and I know exactly why he hates Barbara Boxer. Allow me to attempt to explain his viewpoint if I may. I believe it is similar to mine, and if I'm incorrect at any point Andrew feel free to blog and correct me.

Point one and the shallow one first. She's a liberal from one of the top three liberal of states, California. Now that I got the juvenile reason out of my system, allow me to go deeper. Barbara, no she's not fitting of a first name basis, you see Boxer here falls prey to what a large degree of extreme democrats do, avoiding facts. Allow me to explain you're seeing an extremely vulnerable side of me here. I'm actually admitting there is a difference between extreme democrats and moderate ones. It may not seem like a big deal, but if you know me, you understand I like to paint in broad sweeping brushstrokes known as stereotypes.

But Boxer falls under the category of legitimate flaming liberal. She's just irrational, outspoken, and pardon me but wrong. She falls down on the harsh / intrusive side of every issue one could possibly imagine. For example when the Democrats wanted to challenge the Presidential vote and keep Bush from being inaugurate. Remember that? Who do you think led the charge? That's right Barbara stinking Boxer.

Who supports the increase of minimum wage? Boxer. Look, I'm all for people making more money. But raising minimum wage is not going to help tons of people. That extra dollar an hour while eighteen year old Jimmy is working at Sheetz or BP isn't going to help a ton. You know what it is going to do? Force union workers to get an easy pay raise. Most people in a union have a clause in the contract saying that they get a pay raise when minimum wage increases. So we're not giving hard working Americans who deserve it a pay raise, we're giving it to lazy union workers. I've worked for a union once, don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about. Way to go Boxer.

Should I keep going or do you have a sufficient picture? Here's a few quickies:

1.) She supports buying lower prescriptions from Canada? (yet she blasts republicans for outsourcing.)
2.) She supports healthcare for all ... so when you have cancer it takes you five months to see a doctor ... like Canada.
3.) Supports abortion ... hot topic I'm not touching that in this blog, but how about we don't kill babies.
4.) Finally she's for increasing gas prices. Ok that's a slippery slope on my part. But she doesn't want us to drill for oil in Alaska because it's bad for wetlands and animals. Thanks Boxer but that extra dollar in minimum wage will cover my rocketing gas prices.

What puts me over the edge is not just that she's wrong, a lot of people in America are wrong, but she's shamelessly wrong. She won't let you get a word in edgewise. If anyone has paid attention to the news you'd know we're attempting to appoint a new ambassador to the UN (yeah that horrible governing weakness that is the United Nations that's a whole other blog) named John Bolton. He's sitting before a committee to be voted on. So "the box" is grilling him with questions similar to, "How can you be an ambassador to the UN when in the past you said the UN was weak and non-existent?" That's a paraphrase, but her question was very similar.

What typically follows a question? A response from the person you asked the question to. But not in Boxer land. She just beligerently barrels through not letting the committee, or America for that matter, to hear his response. Now despite the fact that Republicans support him, I don't know what to think of the guy because I never got to hear his answer. Thanks for dissuading most of America with your ignorance Boxer. Thanks for not letting them hear a man give his answer or side of the story. Now people who can't think for themselves will assume he's bad for the job instead of deciding for themselves after hearing his answer. Thanks for being ignorant, brash, and flat out wrong. Typical raging liberals always just jumping on the wrong and irrational side. This man doesn't need to be a friend to the UN or kiss up to its corruptness. This man needs to get across the views, opinions, cases, and needs to the UN in a diplomatic way. Now we'll never quite know what to think. Thanks again ya' Box.

Kick her in the Box(er)

It's official, I can't stand Barbara Boxer.

MOREOVER! If I was standing on a corner on any given street in America, and saw Barbara Boxer standing on the other side of the street, I would not even wave at her.

FURTHERMORE!!! If Barbara Boxer started walking across the street and then a car, nay, dumptruck came careening down the street and ran her over, I would not call 911. I would look to my left, look to my right, maybe point at the smear on the pavement and say "Woah look at that!", but call 911? Far be it from me!

AND THEN OFF!! IF in the event Barbara Boxer was not dead, just brain-dead and placed on a feeding tube, I would stand out in front of her hospice and advocate the removal of that odious death-preventing advice. I'd even send my little kids in to unhook her adn then watch them get taken to jail. I'd do it too!

LASTLY!!!!!!!!!!! This hotel that I'm staying in blows. The walls are so paper thin that the conversation of what I can only guess are 17-19 year old girls in the room adjacent to mine is now, unbeknownst to them, my business. I can't even turn the TV one and have it cover up their talk, and they're not screaming over there. At this point I don't know which is worse-hearing those stupid girls laugh and giggle and talk about what "top looks good with those jeans...", or hearing the people on the OTHER side of me banging. Be it giggling or banging, I have a feeling that I'm not going to sleep so super tonight.

In case Barbara Boxer is reading this, hyperbole is the name of the game (for all you are concerned).

Where Blood and Fire Bring Rest and Peace

Ok so I stole that line from my boys in Zao from an album that they put out a few years back. But it does have bearing with what I did today...

Today I was driving through Maryland and decided to take a detour. While I was headed on towards Germantown, I decided to stop off at the Antietam Battle Field. For those of you not steeped in Civil War knowledge, Antietam was the single bloodiest day in the Civil War. At Antietam:
1) On Sept. 17, 1962 over 6,900 Americans ended each others lives in less than 24 hours
2) Houses, barns, churches, and alleyways were used as receptacles for expired soldiers
3) It was said by some of the survivors that one could walk across Antietam farm and not have their foot touch earth...there were that many dead people.
4) More soldiers were killed at Antietam than in all other American wars of the 19th century...yeah, the whole 19th century.

(these facts come curtosy of Jeff Dreier, civil war guru)

"So what?", you ask. Well I'll tell you what. Having two feet in what was at once the largest American mass grave is an experience that few in our generation take. Sitting in the middle of a corn field where Americans willingly cut clean one another's souls from their mortal confines is an experience that more people will pass over. When people look back on our history-or at least when out post-modern, revisionist culture looks back at history-it seems to me there are two huge ink splotches on the fabric of American history that no one wants to talk too much about: 1) the abuse of minorities (indians, blacks, japanese) by the White Americans, and 2) the Civil War.

It's tempting in our day and age to dismiss the errors in judgment of our predacessors as things gone by; we wave the thought of them away like we would an annoying bee which keeps trying to land on our food and spoil our self-indulgent picnic. But people, you need to look at the reality that our country is united today because patriots fought and died in the Civil War. Because the edifice of our country was littered with corpses of our own people, we now have cause to look back and say "We have learned the lesson. Never again will division turn brother against brother in mortal combat". Because the cornfields of Antietam were saturated with the blood of Patriots, we now have a solid foundation on which to learn a lesson, love our brother, and be thankful that no one in our generation is capable of imagining such horror. The old guard fought it out to teach us something. The only problem is we're either too busy, or too self righteous to see it.

However, I'd encourage you that the next time the ghost of our history is exhumed in your mind, find an outlet for contemplation and reflection. You don't have to drive over to Antietam, or Gettysburgh, or Manassas to think about where we've been and how we've been so blessed as a nation to be where we are now. Our history serves to help remind us of who we are. Stop trying to cover up your identity; instead be an agent of change to be woven into the not yet completed tapestry of history which will one day be 2005.

And while we're on the Civil War:
1) No, the Civil War was not fought over slavery but over states rights, honestly..
2) No, Abe Lincoln did not 'free the slaves'. If my memory serves me correctly, he was as bigoted towards the slaves as were his Confederate contemporaries. Revisionist history doesn't teach you that, does it?

Bad Blogger

I haven't blogged since Monday. Am I the only one who feels slightly raunchy when I use blog as a verb? I don't know why, but some part of me feels dirty for saying, "I haven't blogged in a while." I need to get over it. I'm just going to be brief, because I realize that my blogs are too long. I also promised that I wouldn't just ramble and blog things of little importance, so why waste your time and mine.

I just got back from the armpit of America that is West Virginia. Wheeling is so sad. Don't tell me it has the dog track and so therefore it's sweet. Most of those kids aren't going to get out of that town, will settle in it, and never know the potential each and every one of them has. It makes me want to go light the whole town on fire. If you turn on your news and hear the anchorman ... or woman ... say something like, "In what can only be considered an act of terrorism the whole town of Wheeling, WV went up in flames today. The police have no leads, but it started at the dog track." I ask you do disavow all knowledge of this blog and never mention it to anyone.

Here's my one question for the day. It kind of takes on two forms. Form one - is it bad to be a semi-heartless person? Form two - is it bad to care too much? The reason I ask is that as you may know Andrew and I work in an admissions office at Grove City College. After getting attached to some of the kids I met and interviewed it was hard for me when they didn't get in or didn't get offered financial aid or something like that. You care about them and want to see them do well, at least some of them. So when it kind of sucked, I tried to not get emotionally attached at all. A kid contacts me upset now and I don't really care as much, because I didn't let myself think, "This kid is so sweet I hope he gets in ... or she ..." So now I'm a semi-heartless person. I took a phone call today though from a girl who didn't get some scholarship that we offer for merit, and darn it, I felt sorry for her. I don't even know her, someone else interviewed her, but for a second I felt sad. I guess I don't know which is worse, to be legitimately bummed for her (which makes me a lame lame sap who cares too much) or to not give a crap and be a heartless jag off. Give me your opinion. For those ladies out there who read our blog ... I think only Amanda man we suck in the ladies department maybe cause I'm sexist and always refer to men but I threw you anchorwoman today duh .... anway, if you're a woman who reads our blog, how do you honestly feel about dudes that are sappy messes? Do you like that? Do you long for rugged men that want to go kill stuff and hit it with sticks? Let me know. Alright I'm off to go either smoke a killer cigar or play video games

The life of a guy ...

The Renegade of (Latin) Funk!

I'm going on a personal quest to help a brother (hermano) out (afuera). This past summer I found one of the most invaluable internet resources ever. It was a site that I frequented daily, and it made every single day (dia) better because of the fact that I visited this site.

"Andrew what the heck kind of site would that be!?!?"

Ok I'll tell you. For those of you who possess a love for all things Hispanic (food, music, movies, culture, women, etc.), I highly recommend that you go to Batanga .com for some awesome Latin vibes. What is most exemplary about this site is their internet radio! RADIO!! Whether you're a fan of Cuban salsa, Latin Jazz, or Urban Latin Hip Hop, you have to check out Batanga. I rocked out to Batanga's Latin Jazz station all summer, and have just recently re-discovered (redescubri) the site.

In order to tell the world how sweet this place is, I'm invading anyone else's blog that I can find to post comments about how sweet batanga is. Go check it out for yourself, and if you're lucky, maybe my renegade attack will hit your website soon (I have no idea how to say 'website' en espanol).

ROCK!

The Dregs of Society

No, this isn't a rant about indigent bums who panhandle for money to buy booze. Although I did find out when I was in Seattle, that sometimes bums there will get drunk just so they fall over and get hurt. Upon receiving injuries, the paramedics and police and everyone else who has a car with lights on it comes to the scene to take the bums either to a hospital or jail. I think this is pretty innovative of bums. No longer do they need to commit petty felonies to be taken to jail, they can just keel over drunk and get a nice hot meal in jail, thanks to Andrew Smith and his tax dollars. I guess it's kind of a testament to rugged individualism...sort of, thought I have a feeling Fred J. Turner might not agree.

No, I am not writing to rant about bums who take my tax money, I'm writing to talk about how I am in the dregs of society, i.e. a resident of Grove City, PA. Let me picture for you what my house looks like, and then my neighborhood. It helps to highlight the fact that I'm surrounded by society's finest...finest derelicts!!! My house is about as old as the Brady Bunch, if not older. Some of the rooms have wood paneling, and some dont'. Some of the rooms have "green beer vomit Green" carpet (and yes I do know what that looks like thanks to the Luck O' the Irish this year...great) and some have poop brown carpet. My house is insulated with the oldest insulation known to man, and that insulation consists of cold air between fragments of drywall. So further solidify the fact that my apartment is a crap heap, there is some wood on the door hinges to the basement.

"Wait wait wait, Andrew...don't you mean a wooden door on the hinges?"

No people, I mean rotten-pieces-of-wood-that-used -to-be-a-door is on the door hinges to the basement. And while you're thinking about that, yes, that does mean cold air is incessantly flowing into our house, keeping the gas thermostat constantly on, and keeping our gas bill consistently over $250. I live in a house that should be occupied by a indigent drunkard who can't hold down a job, and who beats his buck toothed common law wife for a self esteem boost between hits of heroin. But I live there instead.

You know what I'm not even going to talk about my neighborhood, because every house on my block follows suit. I don't know if it's worse that this place is a trash pile, or that I volunteer to live there and furthermore, pay to live there. There's certainly something to be said for living the bachelor lifestyle where you don't care where you live, and you scrape by from paycheck to paycheck. That's part of life and growing up, unless you're an engineer or business whiz and make tons of cash out of school. Then you don't have to worry about anything, right? Yes. But I think my apartment honestly scares people away. I think my apartment is actually such a dive that people are averse to coming over, save maybe Courtney and Carly and a few others who make it out a lot. If you want to come over and see possibly the worst apartment in America (though we did get some sweet, sweet artwork) you can come over and check it out yourself. Any feedback you have to offer about how to make it more hospitable would be much appreciated.

On a positive note, I have been sick for the past week; now, however I feel a lot better. Anon, can I get a sarcastic Amen in here? I think that the warm weather, and the supposed death of the White Witch, has renewed vigor to my bones (but not my apartment)!Still, Hallelujah!

On another positive note, I think I'm going to try to stop complaining as much as I do. I think it's bad for my health. I just had to get this little bit out in the air for the public to see.

Verizon Wireless

Their commercial just came on my TV. That's why they made it as the subject of my blog. That and the fact that they have killer reception most everywhere I go. So all in all, I've been pleased. I'm also extremely pleased with the honeydew melon candle that I just bought. If you could smell Heaven this would be it. It's amazing and it's one of those huge ones with three wicks. My room will be smelling heavenly for multiple days now ... nay weeks.

I have a couple of beefs this week. The main one being television commercials. It seems like everything in life has a shelf life. Food obviously has a shelf life. Jokes have a shelf life. Those of you in the Christian realm know that praise songs have a shelf life, although still too long. I can only sing, "Yooooou came from Heaven to earth to shoooooooooow the way ... from the eaaaarrth to the cross myyyyyyy debt to pay." The shelf life should have been oh I don't know maybe two years shorter. Heck even commercials on the radio have shelf life. It seems the one thing in life that doesn't have a shelf life happens to be the one thing we get bombarded with the most - commercials on TV.

I was watching the final four the other night when I noticed three commercials: Lebron James shooting really far jump shots, the old zoom zoom Mitsubishi commercial, and finally the stupid commercial for cialis. Problem one. I'm sick of seeing commercials for a year. I may be slightly dumb and I may not have a great attention span, but there are only so many times I can laugh at a commercial. There are only so many times that I can sit there for thirty seconds and let you have my undecided attention. All commercials should have to be pulled off within a year max. I dare say 4 - 6 months.

Problem 2 - These commercials have nothing to do with what the product is. Zoom zoom has nothing to do with cars. Mitsubishis are not sweet enough to go zoom zoom. They're crappy little cars. Lebron James cannot hit huge jump shots the whole length of the court, nor does it have anything to do with Powerade. Nothing at all. Finally that purple or red couch has nothing to do with Cialis or getting it up for your wife. Ever. Frankly I find those commercials offensive. It starts with this, and then it's the slippery slope. Some day we're watching commercials of naked girls on TV like they do in Europe and wondering how we got there. You know where it starts, with commercials about old dudes who can't get it up for sex. Yeah then it's the next step about something that enhances sex even more. Then it's about naked dudes and naked chicks and the clothing that maybe they put on. Bam - moral degradation.

Problem 3 - These commercials suck for the most part. Let's move on from the aforementioned commercials. Take McDonalds for example. If you watched any NFL this year you saw the one with the dude who comes in and throws food down the coffee table and he talks about his "Tbago (or whatever) and it's a decorative sham that protects." This has nothing to do with food. It also doesn't make me want to eat McDonalds. Some dudes sitting around talking about shams. Maybe if they watched football and played video games it would be sweet. That might make me say (if I was a pawn who fell for this crap), "Hmmm good idea some burgers while playing Madden." As is I'm not saying, "Burgers while talking about shams."

Exhibit two commercials for beer that talk about taste loss. I usually like beer commercials. They're really flashy and for people with the attention span of a slug a.k.a. me. But when you talk about beer taste loss and that's why I should drink Miller; you make one enormously wrong assumption. I don't drink beer that makes me feel like I've lost all my taste. I don't drink crap beer like Bud Light. I drink good beer like George Killians. So don't make beer telling me to drink yours cause the other beer sucks. Either make me laugh in a good way that I can relate. Or tell me why your beer is better. And no the fact that I can save 25 cents on yours is not good enough.

Exhibit three commercials for cars that are just flat out horrible. Showing me your car doing a 360 on a dark street isn't going to cut it. I CAN'T DO THAT WITH MY CAR! I GET ARRESTED FOR EVEN TRYING! Show me how the car does when it hits a pot hole. Show me how the car does driving down interstates. Is it going to always pull to the left? How does my car do getting off the stop light or turning through the drive through that has a tight turn. Am I going to have to three point turn it? I hate that. Tell me that my car won't have to three point turn in incredibly inoppurtune spots.

You throw all three of these problems together and it makes TV almost unbearable to watch at times. I wish that they would pull commercials. Do they not know the power these bad commercials have? I have already decided never to purchase any McDonalds, Burger King (thanks to the gay king and singing), or Sierra Mist because their commercials are so lame. You have the power to sway me to, or against, your side with a decent commercial. I'm seriously paying attention, so don't make a bad one. It's like marketing execs are so out of touch with people they don't know how to make a good commercial. Just get out of the board room and onto the street.

I was going to rant about some other stuff, but I'll save that for later this week. I feel like I got a lot off my chest. I think Wednesday I'm going to gripe about business and the lack of choice. We got royally ripped today by our gas company and frankly I'm sick of it. But can I change my gas company? No. Can I change my electric provider? No. I'm stuck. This is why a free society is better. A democracy is key. Capitalism is key. People who don't have the freedom of choice are getting hosed. Today's run in with the gas company showed me more than ever that people deserve a choice. It's what drives better effort and business. But until then, if you're out on your bike tonight ... do wear white.

The Low Down

Alright I'm back from Retirement to fill you all in on a great weekend of film. As everyone knows, the big film opening in theatres this weekend was Ice Princess. I know everyone was having a hard time getting tickets to the show, so for you disappointed fans who didn't get your grubby hands on a one way ticket to cinema extacy, here is a brief recap:

1) Ice Princess is gay
2) I didn't see Ice Princess
3) If there were an Ice Princess in Sin City, guaranteed Elijah Wood would have eaten her.

Ok people I didn't really see Ice Princess, but as you can guess, I DID see Sin freaking City! WOO! While you're all whining that you couldn't get out and see it this weekend, let me help you be a good film consumer. Some of you are all pumped about Sin City just because it has a sweet cast. Other people are pumped about it because it looks like it has mind blowing cinematography. Others just want to see some boobs and blood and this looks like a good ticket. But BEWARE!! Sin City isn't a simple bam bam shoot em up boob flick. In order to help you decide whether you, the discerning budding film critic should see Sin City, let me give you a littany of things that may draw you in/repel you from the movie. You gotta come correct before digesting 2 hours of this bad boy.

Should I see Sin City? Yes, if...
1) You like violence!! I'm not talking Steven Segal violence with accompanying one liners and gay running (have you ever watched Steven Segal run? If not, remember that kid in junior high who ran like a girl in gym class and everyone made fun of? Bam, that's exactly how Steve runs). I've been watching movies for going on 15 years, and I've seen nothing like some of the violence in this movie! It's revolutionary! If you like lots of blood, lots of violence, tons of beheadings (no not Kill Bill stylee) and some sweet guns, you might like Sin City

2) You like Scantily Clad Women!! A lesser focus of the movie is Jessica Alba's hotness. But she's really really hot, so if you like Jessica Alba and are trying to objectify her instead of picking up new dance moves (Courtney and Mandy I'm looking at you here), go see Sin City. Also if you like naked women, you will probably like Sin City. And if you're a dude and you don't like naked women, go see Ice Princess.

3) You have no qualms about seeing Elijah Wood transform from lovable tragic hero to woman-slaying cannibal. Ok I probably just ruined a lot of the movie there...nuff said.

4) You are a huge fan of old school film noir: I'm talking complete with haggard sounding voice overs, sleazy saxophone music in the background, and women being refered to as 'dames' and 'broads' and 'skirts'. Straight 1940's style. And the fact that the movie is shot in all black and white only further throws back not only to Frank Miller's comic book, but also to the films and cinema that inspired generations of movie goer/makers.

5) You like Chivas Regal: Ok I just made that up. You don't have to like Chivas to like Sin City, but if you don't like Chivas something is in fact wrong with you. Get right!

OK! That's my breakdown for why you should see Sin City. Below are reasons you might not like to see Sin City:

1) If you're taking a girl out and trying to hook up: Big mistake!!!! Sin City is definitely not the movie to take a girl to in order to get her all fired up for post-movie shenanigans. For that I would try Ice Princess. Lord knows doing ANYTHING after that movie (including getting run over by a train) would be a treat compared to sitting through that drivel. But seriously if you're thinking maybe Sin City would be a great complement to dinner, or some other form of date...I'd probably second guess your date planning skills.

2) You're not a fan of boobs/scantily clad women: I don't even know what to say here, but if you read qualification number two and it resounds with you...just, don't go see Sin City.

3) If you don't like awesome violence: yeah that pretty much explains itself.

4) If you're a fan of Josh Hartnett: Lord willing you will answer 'no' to this point with disgust (i.e. "pshhhyeah right. he sucks"), but in the unfortunate instance where you find Josh Hartnett a viable contributor to the cinematic world-this movie is not for you. Yeah he's in the credits, but I think his name is flashed on the screen longer than his presence in the movie. He's basically a glorified cameo.

5) If you think movies are real: Sin City might ruin your view of the world. Try reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy again.

And there you have it. I would highly suggest that you heed my advice on this movie, because as I found out in a fortune cookie this weekend: "Everyone agrees that you are the best". Kid you not...that was in my cookie and I couldn't agree more. I'm the best film critic there is, so rest assured my advice is rock solid. Until next time...have fun at the movies!!

Live

For those of you that are faithful readers of this blog you know that I have a habit of discussing how things are rated. I get upset when certain things are underrated and horribly angry when things, particularly athletes are overrated. For those of you who are sports enthusiasts, I hate when people say Steve McNair is so underrated. No he's not. Everyone is talking about him. Everyone says he's such a warrior for playing injured. Last time I checked he was a huge weakling / baby for always being injured. Having your player not performing at his highest peak since he can't maintain a base health is not a positive, it's a negative and grounds for being lame. I'm not saying I can do better, just critiquing him against other athletes and how the media portrays him.

A classic example of underrated, as mentioned before in this blog, is the snack food Gummy Bears. Do you ever begin a roadtrip and stop at the gas station to fuel up, grab a drink, and some snacks for the road? I'm sure most of you have. Now think with me for a second when was the last time one of your friends yelled from the car, "Hey grab me some gummy bears!"? That's right, probably not ever in your entire existence. Why not? They're tasty, addicting, not too too horribly unhealthy. What makes Doritos so much better ... or any member of the Frito Lay family for that matter? I'm not quite certain. Finally, why the heck does the gummy worm get all the stinking attention? How much cooler is it to eat a bear than a worm? A lot freaking cooler.

So what has been so grievously underrated or overrated that I've been moved to blog you ask? I'll tell you. The band Live. I was listening to their greatest hits CD, Awake - The Best of Live, the other day and let me tell you it's so good. So I'm listening to the CD with my sister and she makes the comment, "Live has to be one of the must underrated rock bands." And after much thought I agree with her.

Why is this? Why has Live not received a whole lot of attention? Go listen to some of their music, it's really good. Lyrically strong, solid tempo as well, and ultra good energy. The band is good. I think that since a lot of their songs sound the same, people forget how many good hits they truly do have. They're kind of one step away from being from being Nirvana, yet one step away from sounding like Scott Stapp from Creed. This band is infinitely better though. So I guess I'm writing just a random musing to complain how underrated Live is. For those of you that haven't heard any of their music, go find someone who has some, buy the CD, or heck just download some songs. Here are some recommendations:

1.) All Over You
2.) Lightning Crashes
3.) Heaven
4.) Lakini's Juice
5.) Selling the Drama
6.) I Walk the Line

Yes I forgot some, but that's a good sampling. Great music and good times. What really floats my boat is how some other garbage bands like (no matter who I mention here I'm going to offend someone) Creed or stinking 98 degrees get huge attention and bands like Live fall through the crack. So it is my job to push some good music your way and really make sure you guys give Live their due. This is coming from a huge U2 fan, but I like to step out and listen to some other stuff too. Some other things that are underrated while I'm thinking about it:

1.) Snack Packs - They were on the verge of being overrated when Billy Madison came out, but it died down completely. So good, so full of goodness.
2.) The smell of saw dust - It usually signifies some good hard work and a job well done. It's so fresh and so clean clean.
3.) Live - Oh wait that's what this blog is about.
4.) Toaster ovens - Not really rated at all. Think about it. It takes half the time to heat up as an oven, you can toast your whole sandwich to make it into a melt, or you can broil and toast stuff as well as bake things. It's really a remarkable invention and it's cool to say you have one.

Things that are overrated:

1.) Little kids selling lemonade - Not nearly as entrepreneurial (I don't even know if that's spelled right) or as cute as people think. I really love paying 25 cents for watered down crap.
2.) Hot Showers - Look, I love a hot shower, but they're getting way too much publicity.
3.) Frito Lay snacks - Ok I'm just bitter now.
4.) Rap music - Let me say this. I do like some rap music and listen to it from time to time. But the lyrics are ignorant, most of the rappers don't even produce their own music, and they can't sing. Have you ever heard a concert? All they do is come out with their entourage and yell ... probably because they're no talent hacks.5
.) The ACLU - It's horrible and is ruining America. It stands for a good idea, but has morphed to horribleness and evil.

Alright, that's all for now. Go listen to some Live and tell me what you think.

the fart machine

The Fart Machine is the greatest invention ever. Don't ask me, just talk to Keith about it. He stinking loves the thing.

Andrew's Dilemma and My Beef

Andrew,
I totally understand your problem. I experienced the same feelings of boredom, hopelessness, and general overall despair. It was called the end of the Steeler's season. We just need to dig down and remember why we decided to blog in the first place. I know the reason I let you suck me into this horrible experience was to rail against any of the following: the liberals that are ruining America (yes I whole heartedly believe that statement), MTV for sucking (the subject of my blog today), and blogging about people doing good deeds (which I've failed at lately.) Somewhere I got sidetracked along the way. I realized that I just don't have enough material in my life, since I work all day, to talk about any more. It's the plight of the working man. Life gets a little more boring.

I'm going to begin doing several things. I'm going to blog maybe once every two or three days. With this and my website that I write articles two times a week for, www.youvegottalovesports.com nothing like a shameless plug, I just can't write any more. Both of them suffer. Thing two that I'm going to do. Try to do a few different types of blogs a week. One will be like the one today, railing agains leftist America or horrible television. The other one or two will just be random musings. Like when did Step by Step jump the shark? Ok that was a bad example, clearly when Lily was born and was seven years old next season yet no other character aged seven years. Horrible mistake. How about this script writers, ADOPT A FREAKING CHILD. So there will be a couple types of blogs. Finally, I'm not just going to hastily throw rants on here, I'm going to commit some time to those few blogs (in theory until I get lazy and do it quickly). That way my blog won't read, "MTV sucks I hate it!" So stay strong Andrew, I'll keep the ship afloat until your glorious return.

Todays blog will deal with the horrible state of MTV. MTV for those of you ignorant of any pop culture stands for Music Television. I don't know when it started, I said I'd put thought in my blog, not actual research. (Side tangent people need to quit putting so much time and research into their blog. You are amateur journalists at best. Really you're just another hack who just wants to have someone care about their thoughts. Less research on your blogs people.) So back to the subject at hand which is MTV. I have several beefs with MTV. I don't really know to the extent that I want to blog about all of them, but I will mention several of them.

MTV, like ESPN, has diluted it's product beyond the point of no return. Case in point for ESPN. The other night, they were running that gay poker drama Tilt on ESPN and ESPN U was showing the Big 12 conference tournament, actual sports. That would be great if my cable company carried ESPN U, but they don't. So instead of getting the Entire Sports something Network I get poker dramas and Dale Earnhardt movies. The same is true with MTV 2. That's the station that carries music information and videos, but you only get it if you have Direct TV satellite.

Not only do they not show music, but the few shows that do, don't. Take TRL for example, which is people who watch MTV and want to see music videos, requesting to see certain videos in the top 10 countdown format. They talk on the show, show screaming people on TV, talk to washed up celebrities or the newest one to release a CD, and then show maybe on average 27 seconds of the video. That's horrible. That's the POINT OF THE FREAKING SHOW! Show music videos for goodness sake. VH1 on the other hand shows all the videos in their countdown and only shows clips of the ones that drop a lot, a.k.a. the ones people don't want to see as much.

This blog is approaching way to long, but stay with me. MTV Choose or Lose voting campaign. A total joke. It's great if you want to register people to vote, but when you do so with the likes of: Ashton Kutcher, Mary J. Blige, Eminem, Dixie Chicks, Cameron Diaz, Kirsten Dunst, and Brad Pitt (all at democratic conventions with Kerry - Edwards posters behind them) it's kind of biased and swayed. Oh yeah, they may have briefly mentioned republican celebrities like Ted Nugent, way to be fair MTV. They could use what little popularity in pop culture they still have as a TV station for good, but no they go completely biased and one sided saying choose or lose, but basically saying choose for the democrats to run this country. Way to throw Cameron Diaz out there or Ashton Kutcher (both of whom I am sure are well versed on politics and the state of America) and have them support voting for democrats and voting in general. Of course they're democrats. They don't want any sense of accountability at all. Abortions are great since we sleep around all the time and need to get rid of a few kids. They don't care about taxes, they have a ton of money to waste and throw away. Protection for the American people, who cares they have entourages. What a bias joke MTV.

Last straw for me comes last night. My good fellow blogger Andrew and I are out a local bar. I'm eating a few nachos, drinking a beer, and smoking a semi-decent ... ok awful ... cigar. But it's a good time. The TV in front of me has MTV on. They're not showing sports as normal because the only sport on last night was women's college hoops. No one wants to watch a basketball game where no one dunks, they barely can hit a 3, and the final score is something similar to 49-44. Way to go NHL by being on strike we really could have used you last night. MTV though is running some dumb show about Real World fighting Road Rules and they all vote each other off blah blah blah. I'm used to it. We have no sound in the bar, just pictures. But all I know is the next show that comes on MTV MUSIC TELEVISION is some show with Cameron Diaz (liberal) and Eva Mendez, and like Method Man, on an elephant somewhere in some middle of nowhere hole. They're cleaning the freaking elephant. They show shots of the elephant pooping in the river and the girls getting all dirty while trying to clean the elephant / ride it. If anyone, ANYONE, can tell me what this has to do with music television in the slightest sense, I'll give you a dollar. And you can't say Method Man is a former rapper, he wasn't even talking about music or rapping. This is a waste and is so far off the beaten path. This show should be on discovery or outdoor network or animal planet. Why the crap is it on MTV!?!

I'm never watching MTV again. Ever. I went home last night and deleted the channel from my lineup. So when I'm channeling up on my TV, it skips channel 39 the worst channel ever in the history of cable. MTV, you've gone so far away from music and basic reality that you just lost a longtime viewer who was on the fringe. Good bye forever MTV, hello VH1, Fox News, and ESPN ... for a while at least.

hhhyytrreee

I think I've officially run out of things to blog about.

I know this sounds preposterous coming from the man who blogs about such enlightening topics as winter, semi trucks, horrible canadian pretzels, and Christine Lakin. But honestly, I'm in a dry spell. I am so pedantic that I always love reading my own blogs...even that passion has faded! And it seems like everything I blog about inspires people to not comment. I like to go to Lillet And Tray's weblog (www.whatdidweeverdotoyou.blogspot.com) and make comments just to dialogue with someone, and even they've stopped talking to me!! I'm probably the only Republican who ever posts there, clearly giving them the opportunity to debate vehemetly with me about any and all types of issues. But they don't, and I'm also attributing that to my dry spell.

This dry spell is killing me! The only cool thing I can conceive about talking about is freaking Terri Shiavo, and how she will hopefully die in her sleep today. But everyone's talking about that, and I'm not one to tow the line. So Terrible Terri is out of the picture. I think I'm going to need to take a few days off and regroup. I also need to find some cool picture to put in my blogs, because too much text is starting to hurt even my own self seeking eyes. Ok kids, I'm off to reflect...don't do drugs.

Isis

Is Isis onto something incredible, or are they just bad? You decide first.

Christine Lakin! That was the girl

Yeaaahhhh Chistine Lakin was the little girl, Al! Dang she blossomed. That was the girl who I had a crush on, I forgot. Does anyone have here digits so I can give her a call. Amanda, at this point any cynical comments or insulting remarks that you're about to make can be sublimated into actual productive work at Nyack. I know that don't pay you to chat online with boys...all day.

And the moral isssssss

First,

Let me agree with Keith. Step by Step is a great show, and all throughout junior high I totally had the hots for what's her name, the dark haired girl. Actually, turns out I still do. I'm going to go find her fan club and ask her out on a date.

Secondly!

The moral of the story is this...and it actually hearkens back to Keith's do-gooder philosophy on life. As I'm driving through the snow, there is only one set of car tracks to let me know where the road is. That's the only way that I know that the road is underneath me. I was comforted to know that someone had braved the snow, and had laid a little path for me to follow, unbeknownst to them. At one point in my travels, I passed everyone on Interstate 86 and no one was in front of me...well, at least no one had been in front to leave a trail. At that point I was blazing my own trail. Granted it wasn't a straight line, and it certainly didn't clear enough of the road to make driving safe; though I was scared to death to drive on this tundra that used to be a road, I knew that people behind be would be able to see my tracks and say "Ok there's a road underneath me". Either that, or they would see where I skidded off the road onto the exit ramp and say "Woof I'm not going to go that way!! That leads to certain doom!"

I think you can see where I'm going with this people. I wasn't out on the road intentionally to blaze a trail in the snow. The trail blazing was in effect a biproduct of my being on the road...of life!! We do have the choice to live a life that blazes a trail. We have the opportunity to lay a path in the snow of life and say "Hey, it's ok to drive here, there's solid ground underneath you". And even when we derail in life, and everyone can see how we screw up, it still gives us the chance to look back from our wrecked car and tell people "HEY! Don't drive there (pointing to skid marks). It's really not a good place to be". However you blaze your trail in life, just keep in mind that you are indeed blazing a trail whether intentionally or unintentionally. And if you value your posterity, you'll try to stay on the road!

That's the object lesson I learned from the paths, or the lack thereof, in the snow on Interstate 86 between Arkport and Olean, NY. It may sound cheezy, but I just thought I would share it with you all. Keep on rockin'.

Step by Step

Ok, I have a confession to make. I enjoy the TV show, for the most part, Step By Step. I can enjoy Patrick Duffy's corny humor, the pseudo Brady Bunch theme, and several attractive girls (ok I'm shallow I know it). But today I stumbled upon an episode that somehow I have never seen. It's on twice at 2 and 2:30 on ABC Family. I got to my hotel just in time to see it. I know why I've never seen this episode, they most likely never show it because it's HORRIBLE.

Here's the quick summary of the show. Dana (Staci Keanan) goes to a bar to see a band perform that she wants to. Frank (Patrick Duffy) and Carol (Suzanne Summers) told her not to go. She goes anyway of course, and her sister Karen (Christine Lakin) rats her out. It's impressive that I can name all the actors not gay. She gets there, and inevitably there are a ton of unsavory characters who want to take Dana home and do not nice family approved Step by Step stuff to her. Cody (Sasha Mitchell who eventually ends up beating his wife in real life) has a hunch that she would go there and comes to her rescue. The whole bar turns on him so he's outnumbered roughly 12 to 1. This is where it goes downhill. THEY BEGIN FIGHTING HIM ONE ON ONE! Forget the fact that they said he was doomed because he's outnumbered. They totally remove that advantage and fight him one at a time. It's gay too. They use gay fight moves. Like a guy takes a pool stick and starts making noises while twirling it. Cody counters with a mop.

Then a guy comes and tries Mortal Kombat (great game by the way) moves on him, he throws him through the window countering with his "Wooooooah who put a window there?!?" They then decide to get up and use all of their strength at once. At which point he's outnumbered and Frank shows up at the last moment and helps Cody clean house. Oh yeah, did I mention that Frank and Cody only have to fight two people at a time. No gang in real life is this stupid. It would have been much more believable if they had maybe 6 members in their gang. Frank, who's old and wearing jeans and flannel, and Cody clean house. Thus the day is saved.

I'm pretty dumb. I'm usually able to suspend reality for a while in an effort to enjoy a tv show or a movie. But this was far too off the wall for me to even buy. I'm not watching Step by Step for the rest of the week. Oh yeah that's only one day ...

Quick Quick Blog

I just want to echo Drew's sentiments. I'm in Connecticut, as you know due to my rant yesterday, and it snowed 8 inches here in roughly 4 hours. What the heck! It's like the fastest I've ever seen serious snow come down. To make matters worse it kept sticking to the road signs. I couldn't see street names, exits, or various interstates. It was serious bad news, especially when Map Quest gives you diretions by said street names. It totally sucked. Fortunately I didn't almost die, it just took me an hour to drive what should have taken 15 minutes. Snow is horrible. Long day, now I'm in bed. But don't drive in 8 inches of blinding wet snow alright?

"Oh no...not agaaaaiiinnnn!!"

Sit down kids! I'm going to tell you all a story. Is it a story about how I had another moment of clarity? Yes. Am I going to be pensive? Yes. And You shut your yappin'...George Killian and I are here to tell you how I stared death in the face and then made out with her for a little bit. Go!

I learned a couple of things tonight.

1) Under no circumstances will I ever, ever, ever, ever, ever erve, ever drive MY own car on a school recruiting trip farther away than Walmart. I drove my car out because my appointments were only a few hours away and figured 'What the heck, Smith! Live a little!". So I did and I regret it. For one thing, every truck carrying gravel or dirt within a 60 mile radius of me must have known I was driving my own car because I've been pelted non stop with rocks and dirt since leaving Grove City. I hate semi trucks, as you all know, and I ESPECIALLY hate semi trucks carrying rocks and/or dirt. So my car has enough dings in it to be read by helen keller.

2) Olean, New York is the butthole of America. Nothing good comes out of Olean except refuse... and rcks and dirt. 66% of those things eventually wind up on my car. Even the mall blows here. If I were to rename the Olean Mall, I would name it the Diarrhea Mall, because it stinks and looks like crap. Half the stores in it were shut down. You know it's bad when even a Hallmark store can't stay open in a town. Oh wait at least two Hallmarks have closed in Butler, Pa...hmmm.

3) I almost died today. I know, I know, I tend to be over dramatic when I talk about 'almost dying'. Generally I reserve the very vague statement for instances where I misplace my tie, or make fun of Mandy and Courtney. But today, I literally almost died, and in almost dying was struck with a profound object lesson. This lesson is the real reason I'm blogging, but the other stuff was free of charge...you're welcome.
So I'm driving through this mountain pass reminiscent of the Oregon Trail, replete with scenic overlooks and everything. Unfortunately for Andrew, the road was also covered in snow. The road was also very straight and narrow, wait, no that's wrong, it was one set of switch backs after another down this mountain. As I'm descending the mountain this morning, I lose control of my car. It happens sometimes on snowy roads. I however happened to lose control on a switch back and my car went careening towards the edge of a cliff . So this car is going to go over the cliff, and I'm inside just yelling "Oh Jesus Oh Jesus Oh Jesus!!!" over ad over and over not in a profane way, but in the ultimate cry for divine intervention. Fortunately for myself my savior intervened and my car miraculously cut back onto a small patch of road not covered in snow. I still continued to yell "Oh Jesus!!" over and over but only because I was still thinking that I was going to die and was still invoking God's help...but I lived .
THAT'S TIME NUMBER 1 TODAY THAT I ALMOST DIED!!! Number Two came tonight when I was driving home on again another snowy road. I hesitate to use the word road, because half the time I was not sure if I was actually on a road. It was so potholey and lumpy that, again, if the road was shrunk down to Mini Size, Helen Keller could probably read what it said. It had that many bumps and pot holes. But anyway, the road was also cleverly masked by several inches of snow. So literally at any given point in my 120 mile journey I could not tell where the road was. This became evident at one point, as I was cruising along at 60 mph. I was cruising, doing fine, then all of a sudden I was off the road and on an exit ramp for a small backwoods town. I had no idea the exit ramp was coming up. All the signs had been covered up by snow and that irridescent white paint that we ALL take for granted was nowhere to be seen on any sign. So I go barrelling of the road onto a snowier exit ramp and I can't even tell where the exit ramp ends and the woods begin. Again, I start screaming "Oh Jesus Oh Jesus Oh Jesus!!!!!!" hoping for a repeat performance of the serendipitous car save earlier in the day. Well, wouldn't you know it, the Lord came through again! Though there were several inches of snow on the ramp, and there was no real possible way anyone could EVER stop on a dime, I came to pretty much a screeching halt and made it off the exit without dying . Somehow I regained my focus and made it another 30 miles back to my hotel.

What's the point of this whole story, I know you're dying to know (pun police, is that legit?). Well this entry has gotten too long, so I'm going to save the moral for another entry tomorrow. Stay tuned party people and you can all thank the Lord I'm alive. I know I am.