half an hour until lunch!

Hello all.

This post is to sate the hunger of those in blog land who long for an update. Last time we chatted I told you that I was going to make a year-long-blog. This is something I'm really excited about, because good ideas and the impetus to act on them don't usually go hand in hand for Andrew. After receiving tons of feedback on the what this year-long-blog should be about (read: not a one person gave me feedback save for Trey ) I've decided that I'm going to explore a topic both indigienous to Northwestern North Carolina but universally entertaining as well.

Next year I'm going to a large state school which some of you are familiar with thanks to Patrice O'Neal. It's called Appalachian State University and yes, for your information, it is hot hot hot!! ASU is going to be very different from my alma mater, Grove City College. For one, ASU is larger. For two it's more diverse (oops, I didn't say that). For three people are ALLOWED to get drunk! Since people are allowed to drink at ASU, as a socially responsible scholastic entity ASU provides a service to shuttle students around from bar to bar. Now granted this form of "public transportation" is most likely intended to be used by students so that they can save money on gas, and not have to worry about parking their vehicle on campus. The reality though, as any able bodied and hardy livered college student will tell you, is that "college town public transportation"="drunk bus"!! Enter, the APPALCART !!!

The APPALcart of the 21st century isn't the applewagon of days gone by, though I'm sure it still manages to attract a number of rotten cores. From the innards of the APPALcart, I will bring you a weekly set of fantastical stories! This documentary of sorts will last for (you guessed it) one whole year!! This year long canticle will document weekend after weekend of "Stories from the APPALcart"! There will be romance! There will be comedy! There will be tragedy! And hopefully there will be a few socially disastrous debacles which my nimble pen will transform into APPALcart lore. Personally, I could not be more excited to see what shenanigans unravel in the APPALcart!! But come hell or high water (or come spells from fire water!) I will endeavor to post a blog about my experiences as a passerby on the APPALcart. I hope it's entertainig, and I hope that I get to meet some cool people. I also hope that I can chuck this inane formatlity of holding in the SHIFT key every time I want to write APPALcart.

So that's going to be my year-long-blog ('ylb') next year ('ny'). On a lesser note, I'm probably not going to blog for a while. Whereas Grove City gives me a cool computer to use whilst I'm employed at the College, they take it from me when I leave. Thanks alma mater. And it turns out that my last day of work at Grove City College is tomorrow. As of late, though, I've been blogging too much-it's time for Keith to take over and hoe this row for a while. If you get really bored and absolutely HAVE to read an article by Andrew you can scan through some of our archives and find some old gems to sink your teeth into. Since I probably won't see you all for a number of weeks, have a splendid summer and keep your eyes peeled for "Stories from the APPALcart!"

We're all a part of the same body, but it's still ok to chop off your arm

Hello blog friends (and Nathan),

Yesterday I composed a rather compulsive, scathing blog about something near and dear to my heart. It's also something that's near and dear to my work...actually it is about my work. In talking with Keith about the appropriateness of posting my blog, he advocated an exercise of caution and restraint. Being as that restraint has NEVER been a strong suit of mine, I've worked out a compromise. Herein I will not include the contents of my aforementioned blog. But if for some reason you actually want to read what I'm reticent to post on the internet, I'd be more than happy to email you a copy of my blog. It's a revealing portrayal of how another office affects the effectiveness of my office...and that's all I officially have to say about that.

PS: does anyone know of an apartment for rent in Boone, NC that I could rent? I'm really hurting here...

The Year Long Debate

Hey gang,

First and foremost let me say, for those of your disappointed about not being able to look at matoke every day, I had to take the post down. Just looking at the stuff every time I signed onto the blog made me ill...I feel Keith's pain. So it's down, sorry James.

For those of you who are glad to see Matoke go (and glad to see another post come up, of course!!!) let me pose to you a question-a blog feedback question if you will. Most of you know by this point that Keith and I are going to split up here by the end of the summer. I'll be down south of the Mason Dixon line , and he'll be up here in Horriblevania. Don't worry, we're going to try to keep the blog going-so you can wipe the tears of sadness from your eyes and blow the snot out of your nose. But the question I pose is one I would legitimately like your feedback for.

Since I'm moving, and am going to be living in a completely new area, I'd like to chronicle something in my weblog for a year. I take inspiration from people like this fellow and others who decide to chronicle otherwise mundane activities, but infuse them with intrigue through the power of blogging. I have no idea what I'd like to chronicle, or what annual canticle I would like to regale you wonderful people with.

I'm sure you can guess my question by now: what kind of things would hold your interest for a year if I decide to document them? What type of thing would make you say "OH! It's Thursday! I wonder if Andrew's put his weekly blog up yet? I can't wait to hear about what _____________________________________ is like this week!!" The floor is open for discussion, so let me hear it people. I will tell you I do already have one idea, which would no doubt be a blog-blockbuster; but I still need you to give me more ideas.

When Andrew leaves and heads down south, what one blog theme would hold your interest for one year if it were consistently chronicled? READY?!?! COMMENT!!!!



On a lesser note, I'm trying to revive ama mizu's now deceased blog (and believe me I'm trying to use mouth to mouth recussitation a haaa heh heh heh yeeaaahhhhh!!). You should start a deluge of comments on her page to make her come back (and if you can somehow bring her back from North Carolina, that would be great because I miss her a lot).


Ok to the task at hand!! En Viamos!!

The "L" Word

So I keep getting yelled at by people since I never blog. These people are right. I don't blog. I don't know why since I have tons of time on my hand, but I think it's because I always figure my blogs should be about something. They should be well-researched, solid, and potentially read by conservative radio personalities since they're sweet.

Well ... my blogs are not like that. I think I just need to accept it. We tried to reformat, but try as we might, Andrew and I are still blogging about semi-trucks and stupid people. So without further ado ... I'm back. (I wonder how many times I have said this in past blogs? At least a half dozen I'm sure.) So I was looking for some TV clip of the Today Show (read Horrible Show) when I clicked on a link to an article, The Right Time to Use the 'L' Word: Love. A couple of points come to mind:

1.) Thanks for defining what the 'L' word is. I was really confused. I thought you were referring to licorice.

2.) This article is written by someone with a doctorate. I have lost all faith in higher education. I could have written this article. Here's a link to her site. Read the Tom Brokaw quote in the bottom left!

3.) He used the word sagacity! That's unreal. The second paragraph of her "About her page" includes the sentence, "She has interviewed Woody Allen, Tom Brokaw, Gail Sheehy and Rosie O'Donnell" Wooooooooo! Man she's so sweet now. I didn't even know Dr. Gail Saltz existed 24 hours ago, but I'm thinking she's lame.

4.) This article is garbage and I'm going to point a few reasons why. The internet allows stuff like this to become important and taken as serious writing. This article is so lame and here's why!

In paragraph four she says, "The power of the 'L' word is intense." Then in the next paragraph she goes on to define what love is. If you're going to make a serious point, can you use more serious terminology please? We're not in third grade here. You're not passing me a note asking, "Do you like me check yes or no?" Can we just come out and call it saying I love you. Can we call it something a little more mature here Dr. Gail?

Then in paragraph five she gives us this nugget of wisdom:
"What does love mean anyway? Sometimes the definition is murky. When you say, “I love you,” you may mean that you feel close to your boyfriend, he seems right for you, and you want a future together. He may see saying “I love you,” as meaning that you have to get married. And if he doesn’t feel obsessed with you, then he may not think that he’s in love with you. Sometimes people confuse lust and love. Having great sex is terrific, but does it mean love?"

Are you serious? Did you just write a paragraph FOR MSNBC.COM WHICH IS A FREAKING NEWS WEBSITE listing examples of what people may think love is?!?! I think she did. These are thoughts that we all have on a daily basis. I just wasted like 30 seconds reading it, and now like 15 minutes more blogging about it. How is this worthy of being a news site? Shouldn't this be in like Cosmopolitan or something?

More sage advice from Dr. Gail, "Someone who can’t say, “I love you,” may have a problem with commitment."

Really?

You think?

I never would have guessed that. Huh.

Ok this one is good:
"The point is to try to wait to say, “I love you,” until you feel pretty certain you and your partner are on the same love page. Discuss your feelings for each other to test the waters." Wow. Talk about your feelings. Wow.

Ok, I know I've never really dated anyone. Shocked out there right? But are our couples really just messing around so much and watching so much TV on dates or just going to movies so that every single date they never discuss their feelings? Like there's not one date even when they discuss how things are going? If that's the case, like what are these couples talking about when they talk about things? Are they talking about cheese? Cleaning products? Sports? I'm just kind of perplexed.

Last one ...
"And if you’ve said the “L” word too soon, it’s OK to say, “Oops I blurted out in a gooey moment and I’m not really I am not ready either.”"

Is that quote really going to fly with your significant other? I don't think so. A gooey moment?!?! C'mon now. This isn't Saturday morning cartoons or the Disney channel. I know real life isn't like a Matthew McConaughey movie, but you should be able to come up with something more articulate than gooey moment. And you can't just change your opinion by saying, "I'm really not ready either." Words are like tooth paste man - after it's out of the tube it's not going back in ... ever. So let's not pretend here. Be mature enough to talk it out or just let some time pass and then talk about it.

I guess my problem with this article is that I think I could have written it, it's basic, someone with a doctorate wrote it, it's taken as serious, and it's horribly lame. Most people deal with this on an every day basis. If you can't think this stuff through yourself, you shouldn't be in a relationship or telling anyone that you love them.

And a whole other blog for another time should be, "Why are guys painted as idiots?" I know we usually drop the ball and suck and have commitment issues, but this whole article is about the girl saying I love you and the guy being like, "Love (grunt) not good (grunt)." Some of us are a little more advanced than this.

Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go eat a snack pack and read about video games online.

Just another Collab-creation!!

Hello all!

I've heard disquieting rumours* that some people are not content with starting at the wonderful Avril Levigne forever. To placate those dying for a blog update, I present to you the first (of many?) collaborations between our blog, and that wonderful satchel of satire and wit known as Joel's blog! I know that Keith and I have always been a fan of "You Better Believe It" and now is one of those tangible ways in which we express our affection. So without further ado, I present to you a blog FROM Joel, ON our blog. It's mindblowing, right?!

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I try to avoid blantant ranting on my own weblog, but every once in a while, duty compels me to go against my beliefs. And when Keith and Andrew asked me to do a guest spot for theirs, I had to man up, strap on a pair, and get mah RANT on, mutha truckas.

So in the spirit of fighting back, here we go, and just remember the number one rule about reading an article from Poppa Joely: YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT! Ha! Get it? Because that is the name of my weblog. It's the title, and I was using it as a tag...line... ha... okay.

Semi trucks are great. That is, they are great if you like enormous, awkward, lumbering box-things that cannot make a turn, veer into your lane around a curve, spray jets of water at your windshield, blinding you when it rains, and could literally roll over your Satneovalier (or in my case a 1995 Pontiac Grand Am with a leaky heater core) and not even think twice about it—or even realize it! So yes, semi trucks are wonderful, if you are into that sort of thing.

Personally, I am not. Now, we have all seen the slogan, “Without trucks, America stops.” Of course you have probably never seen this slogan anywhere else than on a sticker on the back of a semi truck itself. I take issue with the slogan, myself. I prefer this version: “Without trucks, America doesn’t have to awkwardly back up to make way and then crash into cars behind and around it.” Please, let me explain.

The other day/week/month/whatev, I was driving a fraternity brother’s pickup truck to the bank in town (not National City—I loath National City). For those of you who are familiar with the G.C.C. area, you know the stop sign down by the police station on the way into town. And you also know that it is a pretty wide intersection. Plenty of room. But you also would probably agree that that is no place for any vehicle bigger than maybe a pickup truck or possibly a hummer. Maybe a tank, even. But seriously, no bigger than a tank, or you’re pushing it. Well, one unfortunate truck driver did not seem to get the memo that semis belong on the highway, not barreling through the narrow streets of small Pennsylvania villages.

Here is what happened: I was stopped at the red octagon, like any law-abiding driver, when, from the right, a huge semi truck comes chugging along. Quickly I realize that the driver intends to make a left turn. No problem, I thought, he wouldn’t even attempt that turn if he didn’t know he could make it with me sitting here. Wrong! Without so much as slowing down, this truck starts going at it. Um, dude, I said nervously. Dude, what are you doing… I’m sitting right here…. No dice, the driver must not have noticed my worried expression—or my fifteen hundred pound bright red and purple vehicle either. Understandable how he could miss that (?!). I realized quickly that I was going to have to back up fast or literally get run over.

I started to drive in reverse slowly, because there was another pickup right behind me, also stopped. He began backing up, and I sped up. I looked back the the front, and this truck was seriously inches from hitting me. At this point, it was either bump the guy behind me or get rolled over by an eighteen-wheeler. I hit the gas. Skreeeee—THUMP!!! That is what it sounds like to narrowly avoid death by semi truck. Flustered, embarrassed, and breathing heavily, I got out of Dave’s truck and walked over to survey the damage. The other driver was really nice about it. After we agreed that there was no harm done, we got in our trucks and continued our day. But the fact that there was “no harm done” is not the point here. The point is that semi trucks are rude, too big, clumsy, and inconsiderate. Their drivers seem to have concern neither for other people, nor human life in general. This is not the first time something like this has happened!

So, you get my point. I have long said that semi trucks are like fat guys in a crowd. Think about the metaphor, you’ll see what I mean. And you will agree, or I am going to get in a big rig right now and run over your house.

Let us stop the madness now, before it’s too late and people start to die. Horrible, grisly, semi truck-related deaths.

Obligatory disclaimer: I was talking to my dad about how I hated semis at a baseball game the other day, and he informed me that the man standing behind me was a truck driver. Of course, I felt like a huge chomp. So let me just say that I’m sure not all trucks are bad. I am sure there are many drivers out there who are courteous, kind, and considerate. To those men and women I would like to say, WHERE THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN! PLEASE START DRIVING ON I-80 LIKE RIGHT NOW! BECAUSE YOU SURE AS HECK HAVEN’T BEEN THERE THE LAST FOUR YEARS OF MY LIFE!!!!1!11

Thank you.

fin

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*(British spelling!!!)