This is another traffic story (James I'm only doing this because you harassed me into working on my blog in Rochester):
So twice in about as many weeks, I was privvy to some road rage! And people in blog land, for what mayhaps be the first time, I was not the agitated one in the driving situation, but rather I was the agitator! Let me explain..
See, twice in about as many weeks I was given a good view of the back of someone's hand, namely their hand with middle finger extended upward in a mock 'We're #1" gesture. However, I was not being told I was awesome, I was receiving the inflammatory gesture because in someone's eyes I was a horrible person! Imagine that if you can!!!!
I live and drive primarily around Western PA. Here are some common road habits of Western Pennsylvanians:
1) Yield sign=stop sign
2) Green Light=take several deep breaths, center your chi, and press the gas pedal after 7 seconds
3)35MPH Speed limit=25MPH Speed limit
4) A honk well deserved= an excuse to have a heart attack
I'm sure some of you have read my blog about traffic in Western PA so my point here is not to gripe about the traffic again, but rather relay to you all that I got what was coming to me! I'm sure that in reading my blog (or in sitting in traffic with me...and I do apologize if you've had to deal with that) you've thought to yourself, "Dang it Smith! One day someone's going to do something terrible to you if you keep driving all crazy like!" And people, you are right...twice!
1) I was driving out to play golf (my new pastime) and was behind someone doing their typical 10 mph under the speed limit. Let me say on my behalf that I didn't even think twice about this; as of late I've been trying to be much more calm behind the wheel, and you'll all be glad to hear that I've been a lot more chilled out (you'll also be safer when you're driving on the road with me now). But the person in front of me apparently felt that I was driving too close to them. SO! Instead of speeding up to the optimum driving speed, this person slammed on their brakes. I followed suit, and kind of gave them a "Pardon me, why did you do that sir?" gesture with my hands. They responded in kind with pumping their fist out their driver side window...birdie blazing! POW take that Smith!
2) The second instance is very similar to the first...actually it's the exact same! Some slow dude thought that my driving behind him was a personal insult, so he returned in kind a more pointed insult...pointed like a middle finger!! Take that AGAIN Smith!!
What's the point of this blog? There really is none...I have no exciting travel stories yet. But just so you all know...even though I get fired up behind the wheel there is always someone who is more fired up than I am. So JUDGE NOT lest YE be JUDGED.
As an addendum to this blog I would like to add this: you might see me in the streets, man, but you don't know me!
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Keep your hands off my Malm, or I'll Flarke you up!
**Author's note...I don't feel very creative today**
If you've said one of the following phrases...
"Ohhhh I TREBENS with fearrr at that lamp!"
"Dude take a seat a re- LACKs ok?"
"No, you go FLARKE yourself!"
"Man, I don't think big BENNO is going to catch many passes like that"
"We're going to have to reposition your MALM in order to fit it in the trunk"
...then you my friend have been sucked into the particle board mecca that we Americans call an Ikea retail megalopolis! Aside from the punny non-sequiters and inside jokes, a trip to Ikea can be a wholistically fun experience. Let me tell you about how my last trip to Ikea went, and why my entire apartment is virtually sponsored by Ikea now.
Someone once told me that to take a trip to Ikea is to take a trip to the mythological Labyrinth ! Except in this labyrinth, not only are you trapped in the store with thousands of other lemmings looking for cheap furniture, but you have to fight TWO Minotauri once you get to the center!!!! Ok I made that last part up, but the store is like a cracked out Lowe's. For those of you who have never been to Ikea, let me give you the skinny on how to 1), find what you need, and then 2) make it out alive.
Step ONE: FOLLOW THE DOTS!! Throughout Ikea they have these dang dots and arrows all over the floor to tell you where to go, and what to look at. I don't know about you all out there in blog land, but when someone or something points me in a direction with colorful arrows or dots in an attempt to hold my attention (much like you would do for a kindergartner), I do what every red blooded dude in America does...I refuse to pay attention, and I figure things out myself!! Take THAT Ikea, I'll find a GRRDLE myself!
Ikea, however, has other plans for me.
See many people don't know this, but before Ikea started making stores, they actually pulled in an organizational consultant to design the layout of the store. Because I am a networking genius, I actually have a transcript of this conversation, circa 1977:
IKEA: We need a floor plan that will resemble a labyrinth, but with two Minotaurii at the center to kill people!
Consultant: I cannot ethically agree to having a Minotaur in the center of the store, but what I can agree to is designing a store that aggravates men!
IKEA: Ok we're listening
Consultant: Yes, what we will do is lay out childish dots and arrows all over the floor so that man think that they don't have to follow them...but in actuality, we will make the store so large and so confusing that if they refuse to follow the dots, they will get lost forever!
IKEA: That's a great idea! That way women can drag their male lovers along with them, and there's no way that they would be able to escape the shopping excursion!
Consultant: And actually, now that I think about it, I realize that you people at IKEA are Dutch! I just realized that you have little to no moral standards in the Netherlands...
IKEA: What are you saying (becoming giddy)?
Consultant: Well, the more I think about it...the more a Minotaur sounds like a perfectly good idea for your store!
IKEA: Hooray!!
Ok but seriously, the store is a mess. I happened to be going to Ikea with two wonderful women (Jess and Emily, you are the reason why I'm not still in Ikea) and I kid you not, they had to keep pulling me back on the path. I would wander off, trying to find a end table, and I would wind up with lamps and pillows. I would try to find a dresser and I would wind up finding TV stands and coffee tables. I would have surely been lost to the Minotaur if Emily and Jess hadn't kept me on the right path. IKEA blatantly flies in the face of a man's need to be an independent rugged individual. So that brings me to point two...
STEP TWO: GO WITH A GIRL!!!! That's all I have to say about that...dudes you need a chick there, for real.
STEP THREE: LEARN HOW TO PALATE SURF! While I couldn't find a Minotar in the bowels of IKEA, what I DID find was the biggest little warehouse I've ever seen. See at IKEA, when you walk around the store you just look at examples of furniture. You don't actually pick out the furniture until you get to the proverbial belly of the IKEA whale. At that point you have to go pick up your (disassembled) furniture, load it onto a huge palate cart, and go check out. But while you may be tempted to toss your stuff on the cart and head out into daylight as soon as possible, take a minute to relish your victory! You've beaten IKEA! Now let loose, hop on that 4'x6' long cart and have someone push you as fast as you can go! While you may get a number of condescending looks from the hired help, there's nothing as liberating as soaring through the narrow warehouse isles at IKEA on a cart that is incredible close to careening out of control. But all jokes aside, it's a blast and it's about the only redeeming thing about going to IKEA other than...
STEP FOUR: ASSEMBLING YOUR FURNITURE!! This is arguably the worst part of IKEA. When I left the store, I had furniture for my entire house. I paid virtually pennies for all of it. And what was even better, I fit it all in my car! I fit: 1 bookshelf, one entertainment center, 2 end tables, one dresser, 2 TV carts, 1 computer stand, 2 lamps, and some bags in my car with room to spare. I felt like the king of the world!
That feeling lasted for about the entire ride home, until I got all the boxes of disassembled furniture in my apartment and was faced with what would be 5 solid hours of furniture construction. To get you through your assembly process, I would recommend having the following utensils:
and what might be yur most important tool ...
Now I'm not one to advocate the abuse af substances, because on many levels it just ain't right. But when your eyes are bloodshot from looking at instructions with no words, your fingers are raw from twisting in screw after screw, and you've put the doors on Benno backwards, a little relief is not a bad thing. Just don't use Andrew as your excuse to be a lush.
So that, ladies and germs, is a little about my last trip to IKEA, and how it radically impacted my life. Now granted the experience was novel, and my apartment looks pretty slammin'...but it's not something I'd like to do more than once a decade. Good luck and Godspeed!!
Watch out for these bad boys when you get lost.
If you've said one of the following phrases...
"Ohhhh I TREBENS with fearrr at that lamp!"
"Dude take a seat a re- LACKs ok?"
"No, you go FLARKE yourself!"
"Man, I don't think big BENNO is going to catch many passes like that"
"We're going to have to reposition your MALM in order to fit it in the trunk"
...then you my friend have been sucked into the particle board mecca that we Americans call an Ikea retail megalopolis! Aside from the punny non-sequiters and inside jokes, a trip to Ikea can be a wholistically fun experience. Let me tell you about how my last trip to Ikea went, and why my entire apartment is virtually sponsored by Ikea now.
Someone once told me that to take a trip to Ikea is to take a trip to the mythological Labyrinth ! Except in this labyrinth, not only are you trapped in the store with thousands of other lemmings looking for cheap furniture, but you have to fight TWO Minotauri once you get to the center!!!! Ok I made that last part up, but the store is like a cracked out Lowe's. For those of you who have never been to Ikea, let me give you the skinny on how to 1), find what you need, and then 2) make it out alive.
Step ONE: FOLLOW THE DOTS!! Throughout Ikea they have these dang dots and arrows all over the floor to tell you where to go, and what to look at. I don't know about you all out there in blog land, but when someone or something points me in a direction with colorful arrows or dots in an attempt to hold my attention (much like you would do for a kindergartner), I do what every red blooded dude in America does...I refuse to pay attention, and I figure things out myself!! Take THAT Ikea, I'll find a GRRDLE myself!
Ikea, however, has other plans for me.
See many people don't know this, but before Ikea started making stores, they actually pulled in an organizational consultant to design the layout of the store. Because I am a networking genius, I actually have a transcript of this conversation, circa 1977:
IKEA: We need a floor plan that will resemble a labyrinth, but with two Minotaurii at the center to kill people!
Consultant: I cannot ethically agree to having a Minotaur in the center of the store, but what I can agree to is designing a store that aggravates men!
IKEA: Ok we're listening
Consultant: Yes, what we will do is lay out childish dots and arrows all over the floor so that man think that they don't have to follow them...but in actuality, we will make the store so large and so confusing that if they refuse to follow the dots, they will get lost forever!
IKEA: That's a great idea! That way women can drag their male lovers along with them, and there's no way that they would be able to escape the shopping excursion!
Consultant: And actually, now that I think about it, I realize that you people at IKEA are Dutch! I just realized that you have little to no moral standards in the Netherlands...
IKEA: What are you saying (becoming giddy)?
Consultant: Well, the more I think about it...the more a Minotaur sounds like a perfectly good idea for your store!
IKEA: Hooray!!
Ok but seriously, the store is a mess. I happened to be going to Ikea with two wonderful women (Jess and Emily, you are the reason why I'm not still in Ikea) and I kid you not, they had to keep pulling me back on the path. I would wander off, trying to find a end table, and I would wind up with lamps and pillows. I would try to find a dresser and I would wind up finding TV stands and coffee tables. I would have surely been lost to the Minotaur if Emily and Jess hadn't kept me on the right path. IKEA blatantly flies in the face of a man's need to be an independent rugged individual. So that brings me to point two...
STEP TWO: GO WITH A GIRL!!!! That's all I have to say about that...dudes you need a chick there, for real.
STEP THREE: LEARN HOW TO PALATE SURF! While I couldn't find a Minotar in the bowels of IKEA, what I DID find was the biggest little warehouse I've ever seen. See at IKEA, when you walk around the store you just look at examples of furniture. You don't actually pick out the furniture until you get to the proverbial belly of the IKEA whale. At that point you have to go pick up your (disassembled) furniture, load it onto a huge palate cart, and go check out. But while you may be tempted to toss your stuff on the cart and head out into daylight as soon as possible, take a minute to relish your victory! You've beaten IKEA! Now let loose, hop on that 4'x6' long cart and have someone push you as fast as you can go! While you may get a number of condescending looks from the hired help, there's nothing as liberating as soaring through the narrow warehouse isles at IKEA on a cart that is incredible close to careening out of control. But all jokes aside, it's a blast and it's about the only redeeming thing about going to IKEA other than...
STEP FOUR: ASSEMBLING YOUR FURNITURE!! This is arguably the worst part of IKEA. When I left the store, I had furniture for my entire house. I paid virtually pennies for all of it. And what was even better, I fit it all in my car! I fit: 1 bookshelf, one entertainment center, 2 end tables, one dresser, 2 TV carts, 1 computer stand, 2 lamps, and some bags in my car with room to spare. I felt like the king of the world!
That feeling lasted for about the entire ride home, until I got all the boxes of disassembled furniture in my apartment and was faced with what would be 5 solid hours of furniture construction. To get you through your assembly process, I would recommend having the following utensils:
and what might be yur most important tool ...
Now I'm not one to advocate the abuse af substances, because on many levels it just ain't right. But when your eyes are bloodshot from looking at instructions with no words, your fingers are raw from twisting in screw after screw, and you've put the doors on Benno backwards, a little relief is not a bad thing. Just don't use Andrew as your excuse to be a lush.
So that, ladies and germs, is a little about my last trip to IKEA, and how it radically impacted my life. Now granted the experience was novel, and my apartment looks pretty slammin'...but it's not something I'd like to do more than once a decade. Good luck and Godspeed!!
Watch out for these bad boys when you get lost.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
"Look! They're Breakdance Fighting!"
Word up er'body!?
Hey everyone. This blog is essentially to sate the thirst of those bloggers out there hungry for a meaty chunk of what I would like to call...my life. Just to keep you up to speed, Joel and I have been battling on facebook with a spat of verbaige that I would like to call "Free Style Rapping". Joel and I are masters of this lyrical form, and so to showcase my talent, and Joel's, I'll clue you all into our lastest torrent of fancy rap songs. GO!!
Joel :
yo, aight, yo feel me. Well it's been a little while since I wrote on ya wall, but you ain't gotta worry cause I'm back on the ball you been lettin' in girls and they ain't bad maaaaan, but you better recognize the guys that will soon be Pans--we're gonna show 'em how its done and we don't need no assistance, we're gonna take a lotta chomps and we don't need your resistance, 'cause we're CRUNK!
(crowd cheers)
Andrew:
Alright I see how it is...alright listen
You said you think you're a man cause you tear up my wall, but watch yourself brillo face before yo' ace takes a fall, you try to tear up my street cred and put me in diapers, but I'll have you ace expelled because I'm your advissoooorrrrrrr
(crowd roars, hollers)
Andrew (out of turn):
Yo check this watch this right here:
Joel says he's all tough and he likes to front big but arms are about as big as a whithering twig, mane you just aint tough so I got to say I could wrestle you to def like every day when I'M CRUUUUNNNKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!
Now flow this, flow this:
You write on my wall like a juvee delinquent but it ain't no secret that you roam the pavement, lookin for some hotties so you can up an honk at 'em, but your girlfriend's gonna punch you in your protruding Adam's...apple...
(questionable murmurs, some some spotty laughter)
Joel: (visibly angered by being skipped out of turn)
aight aight...
Feel me...
So you like to write sht all over my wall, but anyone can see through yer attempts ta ball
Makin' funna my guns, now what's that all about--it's humorous to hear scrawny people runnin' they mouth
Talkin' bout my adam's apple? 'least I got one maaaan
Tell me how's it feel to be the first female Pan--and get CRUNK!!!!
(crowd OHHHH's a lot)
Joel:
OH no! Let me tell ya bout the feelings I felt, when ya sorry ace self tried to get me expelt
I started laughin out loud and ya had me in stitches
When I get expulsion threats from some skinny ace b--s (oh)!
You belong in '95 just playin with pogs, cuz we all know I've got way more fans on my blog--because I'm CRUNK!!!
Andrew:
(really serious music comes on, probably like Nelly's "Heart of a Champion", with some serious talking to preface what will likely be a malicious rap)
Alright...I see how it is...see a lot of people be hating on me because they too scared to realize the truth that I bring...but you better recognize that the truth hurts sometimes...and you about to get a faceful of pain
(talk over, rap starts!)
Alright stop all your talking bout stuff you don't know, cause this skinny sophic brother thinks you's a trick ho. You turn turn tricks and hoes and are generally rude, but we know that all yo business be coming straight from dudes (ohhh!) Look at you, main pointing at your friend's junk thinking 'can I cop a feel and use the escuse that I'm crunk?' No you cain't my man cause I know your true colors, they ain't on blue and white shirts, main they on rainbow rubbers (ohhhhh)
music fadeout
treating commences
(its like that scene in 8 Mile where everyone goes crazy for the white guy! it's insanity in here!)
Rap fighting is so sweet!
Hey everyone. This blog is essentially to sate the thirst of those bloggers out there hungry for a meaty chunk of what I would like to call...my life. Just to keep you up to speed, Joel and I have been battling on facebook with a spat of verbaige that I would like to call "Free Style Rapping". Joel and I are masters of this lyrical form, and so to showcase my talent, and Joel's, I'll clue you all into our lastest torrent of fancy rap songs. GO!!
Joel :
yo, aight, yo feel me. Well it's been a little while since I wrote on ya wall, but you ain't gotta worry cause I'm back on the ball you been lettin' in girls and they ain't bad maaaaan, but you better recognize the guys that will soon be Pans--we're gonna show 'em how its done and we don't need no assistance, we're gonna take a lotta chomps and we don't need your resistance, 'cause we're CRUNK!
(crowd cheers)
Andrew:
Alright I see how it is...alright listen
You said you think you're a man cause you tear up my wall, but watch yourself brillo face before yo' ace takes a fall, you try to tear up my street cred and put me in diapers, but I'll have you ace expelled because I'm your advissoooorrrrrrr
(crowd roars, hollers)
Andrew (out of turn):
Yo check this watch this right here:
Joel says he's all tough and he likes to front big but arms are about as big as a whithering twig, mane you just aint tough so I got to say I could wrestle you to def like every day when I'M CRUUUUNNNKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!
Now flow this, flow this:
You write on my wall like a juvee delinquent but it ain't no secret that you roam the pavement, lookin for some hotties so you can up an honk at 'em, but your girlfriend's gonna punch you in your protruding Adam's...apple...
(questionable murmurs, some some spotty laughter)
Joel: (visibly angered by being skipped out of turn)
aight aight...
Feel me...
So you like to write sht all over my wall, but anyone can see through yer attempts ta ball
Makin' funna my guns, now what's that all about--it's humorous to hear scrawny people runnin' they mouth
Talkin' bout my adam's apple? 'least I got one maaaan
Tell me how's it feel to be the first female Pan--and get CRUNK!!!!
(crowd OHHHH's a lot)
Joel:
OH no! Let me tell ya bout the feelings I felt, when ya sorry ace self tried to get me expelt
I started laughin out loud and ya had me in stitches
When I get expulsion threats from some skinny ace b--s (oh)!
You belong in '95 just playin with pogs, cuz we all know I've got way more fans on my blog--because I'm CRUNK!!!
Andrew:
(really serious music comes on, probably like Nelly's "Heart of a Champion", with some serious talking to preface what will likely be a malicious rap)
Alright...I see how it is...see a lot of people be hating on me because they too scared to realize the truth that I bring...but you better recognize that the truth hurts sometimes...and you about to get a faceful of pain
(talk over, rap starts!)
Alright stop all your talking bout stuff you don't know, cause this skinny sophic brother thinks you's a trick ho. You turn turn tricks and hoes and are generally rude, but we know that all yo business be coming straight from dudes (ohhh!) Look at you, main pointing at your friend's junk thinking 'can I cop a feel and use the escuse that I'm crunk?' No you cain't my man cause I know your true colors, they ain't on blue and white shirts, main they on rainbow rubbers (ohhhhh)
music fadeout
treating commences
(its like that scene in 8 Mile where everyone goes crazy for the white guy! it's insanity in here!)
Rap fighting is so sweet!
Friday, September 02, 2005
"If I didn't have money...that would suck"
Alright people, here's what's up. I know that Keith just posted about a serious issue...i.e. how Wal Mart is destroying our society. That's huge. Go read that. Then read this. It's about a destructive force in our society, that everyone passes over and no one really takes the time to stand up against. What I'm talking about here is the degeneracy of...you guessed it...
MTV
I just spent the past half hour watching "My Super Sweet 16" and I have something to say. Let's talk about MTV for a second. Music aside, what do we all know about MTV? There are some things that everyone can agree MTV attempts to purport on its endless broadcast of senselessness. Let's make a list:
1) MTV Sucks
2) MTV, though a network supposedly committed to bringing you up to date on the world of music, more often than not takes up social causes like dealing with unpopularity, social injustice and how to correct it, free speech, equal rights for all people, protesting our Republican president, and just generally towing the Democratic party line right? Come on Democrats, feel me here.
3) Be true to yourself
4) Commercials
5) Reality TV, which showcases the uncanny relationship between scripted Television and 'real life'
Everyone agrees MTV shows less, and less music. That's why we have MTV2, MTV online, and MTV On Demand, or whatever button you push on MTV online that shows you music videos you should be seeing during the waking hours of your life (but doesn't).
While I was watching 'My Super Sweet 16' on MTV, I was struck at how MTV consistently shows conflicting messages to it's maleable, and impressionable audience of 16-25 year olds. This show is soley dedicated to showing you how spoiled little girls can be when their dad's have cash, and their friends' dad's don't. This one episode I was watching showcased a 15 year old girl, spoiled beyond belief, who felt that she 'deserved all the money that she got from her dad because she was a good girl'. What's worse than that, this show went on to showcase how this incredibly immature, self absored, and generally unintelligent girl discriminated against her classmates based on age, sex, what type of clothing they wore, where they grew up, how much money their parent's made, and whether or not inviting certain people to her party would convey to a watchin world how popular she was.
Let's, for a minute, assume that MTV was actually SATV, which stands for Social Activism Tele-Vision. Let's assume that MTV wasn't in the business of talking about music (which it clearly isn;t) and asuume that it was a network dedicated to ensnaring the minds of young Americans into believing their version of what amounts to social justice. By all accounts, the 'Music Television Network' has sent numerous conflicting messages antithetical to its design and purpose. While on the one hand it shows shows like 'Made' and 'Take a Stand: fight for your rights against X social malady', on the other it shows programs which were specifically meant to highlight how awesome it is to exploit other people, unearth their weaknesses, and denegrate others based on a temporal, fleeting period of 'status'. Shows like Cribs, My Sweet..., Laguna Beach, and others flly in the face of all of MTV's activist stances against discrimination, hate, and intolerance. What MTV is effectively saying is 'sell out to whatever gets you to where you need to be, whether your cause be just or malicious'.
Honestly people. You put some 15 year old ho on TV, dress her up like she's 25 and working the Red Light District, and tell the world that 'All that matters now is that I'm the most popular girl in school'. Then you're going to turn around and in the next half hour segment tell women to respect themselves, and that beauty is not defined by what you put on or who you know? Give me a break! It's when MTV puts public awareness spots against teen drinking and unprotected sex, then follows them up with shows dedicated to exposing how you can get away with underage drinking and a life of licensciousness that we know MTV is a network for the sellout, for the selfish, for the vain, for the uncontrolled.
I vomit on MTV. I vomit on everything about MTV. And I know that most of you reading this blog will echo my sentiments. But it bears repeating that this network is garbage. Look at what's going on in New Orleans. Look at the people stealing TV's, DVD players, car stereos, Rolexes, and other assorted bling and tell me that's not influenced by the garbage foisted upon them by MTV. You look at the people making gang signs when their house has been destoyed, because they're so tuned into the mentality of 'get yours or die trying'. You look at the people waving their guns in the air and shooting their relatives for a bag of ice. You look at the chaos, and how it mirrors the programming showcased on the Music Television Network and tell me there's no correlation. Look me straight in the face and tell me there's no correlation!! I vomit this network and the commercialization that it sells out to. I vomit on this network that tells you money is the key to happiness and success. I vomit on this network for telling people that the government owes you something, that you sit tight and 'know how you do' and the government will be right along to cure all your social ills. I vomit on this network for creating a senseless, desensitized mob ready and willing to snuff out the life of their own kin for a chance at making it big. In the most pure, and unadulturated sense I say...I vomit on it all.
MTV
I just spent the past half hour watching "My Super Sweet 16" and I have something to say. Let's talk about MTV for a second. Music aside, what do we all know about MTV? There are some things that everyone can agree MTV attempts to purport on its endless broadcast of senselessness. Let's make a list:
1) MTV Sucks
2) MTV, though a network supposedly committed to bringing you up to date on the world of music, more often than not takes up social causes like dealing with unpopularity, social injustice and how to correct it, free speech, equal rights for all people, protesting our Republican president, and just generally towing the Democratic party line right? Come on Democrats, feel me here.
3) Be true to yourself
4) Commercials
5) Reality TV, which showcases the uncanny relationship between scripted Television and 'real life'
Everyone agrees MTV shows less, and less music. That's why we have MTV2, MTV online, and MTV On Demand, or whatever button you push on MTV online that shows you music videos you should be seeing during the waking hours of your life (but doesn't).
While I was watching 'My Super Sweet 16' on MTV, I was struck at how MTV consistently shows conflicting messages to it's maleable, and impressionable audience of 16-25 year olds. This show is soley dedicated to showing you how spoiled little girls can be when their dad's have cash, and their friends' dad's don't. This one episode I was watching showcased a 15 year old girl, spoiled beyond belief, who felt that she 'deserved all the money that she got from her dad because she was a good girl'. What's worse than that, this show went on to showcase how this incredibly immature, self absored, and generally unintelligent girl discriminated against her classmates based on age, sex, what type of clothing they wore, where they grew up, how much money their parent's made, and whether or not inviting certain people to her party would convey to a watchin world how popular she was.
Let's, for a minute, assume that MTV was actually SATV, which stands for Social Activism Tele-Vision. Let's assume that MTV wasn't in the business of talking about music (which it clearly isn;t) and asuume that it was a network dedicated to ensnaring the minds of young Americans into believing their version of what amounts to social justice. By all accounts, the 'Music Television Network' has sent numerous conflicting messages antithetical to its design and purpose. While on the one hand it shows shows like 'Made' and 'Take a Stand: fight for your rights against X social malady', on the other it shows programs which were specifically meant to highlight how awesome it is to exploit other people, unearth their weaknesses, and denegrate others based on a temporal, fleeting period of 'status'. Shows like Cribs, My Sweet..., Laguna Beach, and others flly in the face of all of MTV's activist stances against discrimination, hate, and intolerance. What MTV is effectively saying is 'sell out to whatever gets you to where you need to be, whether your cause be just or malicious'.
Honestly people. You put some 15 year old ho on TV, dress her up like she's 25 and working the Red Light District, and tell the world that 'All that matters now is that I'm the most popular girl in school'. Then you're going to turn around and in the next half hour segment tell women to respect themselves, and that beauty is not defined by what you put on or who you know? Give me a break! It's when MTV puts public awareness spots against teen drinking and unprotected sex, then follows them up with shows dedicated to exposing how you can get away with underage drinking and a life of licensciousness that we know MTV is a network for the sellout, for the selfish, for the vain, for the uncontrolled.
I vomit on MTV. I vomit on everything about MTV. And I know that most of you reading this blog will echo my sentiments. But it bears repeating that this network is garbage. Look at what's going on in New Orleans. Look at the people stealing TV's, DVD players, car stereos, Rolexes, and other assorted bling and tell me that's not influenced by the garbage foisted upon them by MTV. You look at the people making gang signs when their house has been destoyed, because they're so tuned into the mentality of 'get yours or die trying'. You look at the people waving their guns in the air and shooting their relatives for a bag of ice. You look at the chaos, and how it mirrors the programming showcased on the Music Television Network and tell me there's no correlation. Look me straight in the face and tell me there's no correlation!! I vomit this network and the commercialization that it sells out to. I vomit on this network that tells you money is the key to happiness and success. I vomit on this network for telling people that the government owes you something, that you sit tight and 'know how you do' and the government will be right along to cure all your social ills. I vomit on this network for creating a senseless, desensitized mob ready and willing to snuff out the life of their own kin for a chance at making it big. In the most pure, and unadulturated sense I say...I vomit on it all.
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