We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

I've been blogging about how horrible the South is. You've all read my opinion (probably five times since I'm so slow). But before finishing this series, something got my ire up again. I can't stand it. I know you all want to hear about what could take me twenty minutes at a Dairy Queen ... and still end up without CHOCOLATE FREAKING ICE CREAM!!!! Be patient kids. Very patient. I have another tale to tell. One that smacks of ...

JIBBS! Yes that's right, the rapper Jibbs, commonly referred to as, "Young Jibbs" so as not to be confused with the other widely known, "Old Jibbs." Give me a freaking break. Jibbs has decided to grace the musical world with a new, "hit" single. He shows off his musical prowess with his song, "Chain Hang Low."

I have a couple gripes about the song, past the first that it obviously sucks something terrible.

1.) The song's beat and chorus are off the old children's song, "Do your ears hang low?" If you want to establish some credibility, say I don't know, writing your own music, and then do a cover ... go for it. But to start your musical career with a sample that someone else did all the work for ... c'mon man! Forget you! That's so weak!

2.) The beat. I could have made this simplistic baby beat with a keyboard, a block of wood, and a spoon. Seriously. Give me a production room and five dollars. I'll top this one.

3.) Your name is YOUNG FREAKING JIBBS!

4.) The lyrics of this song. I know rap isn't all about the lyrics, but let's look at some quick excerpts. (These are off his website by the way ...) MY COMMENT IN CAPSLOCK!

"my chain hang
all it do iz blang blang,
have blue have red
like my diamonds gang bang
and don evn thank
we on tha same thing
charms so heavy they couldn' lift it till the crane came"


CHARMS SO HEAVY THEY COULDN' LIFT IT TILL THE CRANE CAME! WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN! HOW DOES YOUR NECK HOLD THIS CHAIN?!?!

"(chain)Yeah yeah yeah yeah
I'm so icy (do yo chain)
my trunk so heavy that my neck dont like me (do yo chain)"

MY NECK DON'T LIKE ME! I HATE YOU TOO!

"my music give u a black eye
cuz of the beating
they think i am a mutant
they way a boy iz beasting (chain chain chain chain)
i stay when n sometime u a call it cheating
yeah my boyz alwayz around
like iz a mee-ting"

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START!!!!! THANKS FOR EXPLAINING WHY I HAVE A BLACK EYE. I GOT A BEATING FROM YOUR MUSIC. A MUTANT APPARENTLY IS BEASTING. I MISSED THAT IN GRADE SCHOOL. MY BOYZ ALWAYZ AROUND LIKE IZ A MEE-TING!!! WE FORGOT HOW TO SPELL MEETING APPARENTLY WITHOUT A DASH. I'M SO ANGRY MY HEART JUST EXPLODED I THINK!!!!!

FINALLY THE CHORUS

"(Do your chain hang low
do it wobble to da flo
do it shine n n the light
iz it platinum iz it gold
could u throw it ov'r ya shoulda
if ya hott it make ya cold
do your chain hang low)"

WE'RE DOING OK UNTIL IF YA HOTT IT MAKE YA' COLD. GRANTED YOU RIPPED OFF A CHILDREN'S SONG FOR THE BEAT OF YOUR CHORUS, BUT HOW DOES A CHAIN IF YA HOTT MAKE YA COLD?!?! PLUS EARLIER HE SAYS THE CHAIN HANGS 24 STINKING INCHES!!!!! HOW ARE YOU THROWING THAT OVER YOUR SHOULDER!

Anyway I'm so pissed that this song is on the radio. I can't believe it was produced. I can't believe people like it. Scratch that ... I'm ashamed for my country that people like this. It's a top four download on freaking iTunes now for like three days straight!!!! What is wrong with you people?!?! Go find a friend that has it, listen to it, and then punch them in the face for liking it!

That is all for now. I'm going to listen to some wholesome music!!!! Anything not by Young Jibbs!