Girls talking about hair

Right now, as we speak, I'm sitting in my office as usual. I have the distinct pleasure of working with some awesome ladies in my office, as well. Usually when working in the office we have lots of stuff to do, people to call, kids to interview, hearts to break, moms and dads to coddle, etc. So you can see, I'm a very busy/important person. And usually the demographic of the office is such that most everyone I work with is of the female persuasion, sans Keith and the El Jefe. This usually makes for a great work environment.

However!

There are certain days where planets align in just such a way, and events of the world coincide to make the office environment a little more...skewed. The events come together almost like a perfect storm and the events look like this.

1) Keith is out of the office and the Boss is in a meeting
2) No one wants to come in and interview
3) The ladies in the office have had very estrous weekends (trust me it makes sense)

At this point the sole male in the office finds himself lost in a storm of estrogen! The perfect storm of estrogen where he can find no paddle to get himself to shore. Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying I don't love the ladies that I work with; they really are great gals. But the onslaught of wedding/past haircut appointments/shoe/potential haircut appointments/in-law/cute outfit conversations, at times, do get a little overwhelming. So as we speak I'm sitting in my office-as a safehaven for the girly chatter going out outside my office. Since I'm, for the present moment, sheltered from the waves of estrogen that beat at my office door I'm going to write you dudes out there some helpful tips on how you can still assert your dudeness in the midst of a torrent of chick-ness:

1) Go to your office and write a blog

2) Depending on the conversation which is going on, make some 'typical male statement' to let the ladies know that yes, you are a dude and no, you are not going to be sucked into their conversation! Take an example:

Girl: Man and then they played 'Foolish Games' by Jewel at the wedding while the bride was processing and it was so touching that even the little ring-boy started crying. It was precious!

Guy: Psshh...you know that kid is in for a life of ridicule and hardship.

Girl: Ohhhh stop it. It was precious!

Guy: Yeah and so is getting pummeled in junior high for being a baby.

See it's really easy, and actually doesn't involve too much thought. Just do it.

3) If you are drinking coffee while said conversation is ongoing, stare very intently into your coffee cup. If you don't want to be as brash as to openly ridicule the ladies' stories, this will make you look like you are paying attention. Well...sort of paying attention. And plus water is the most maleable of all the 4 elements. Maybe you could try to move it with your mind? Just try it.

4) Patronize and leave. This is a great tactic because not only does it convey feigned interest in the conversation, it also lets you leave fairly gracefully and without upsetting anybody. Let's see how it works!

Girl: ...and I was so bummed because they were my favorite pair of shoes! I was walking and then the heel just snapped off in the sewer grate! Arrgghh!

Guy: Yeah, I have just ruined my favorite pair of shoes too. It's such a drag to get them re-soled, you know!

Girl: I totally do know! What a pain...

Guy: And you know what, I'm don't really know where to get them resoled. While I'm thinking about it, I actually should probably go look up some place right now. I'll let you know what I find.

Unless you are a good liar, though, this conversation will probably only work if you have some kind of story that's related to what the lady is talking about. If she starts talking about breaking her shoe, and you clearly don't have ruined shoes, you're going to look like a douche trying to stumble and mumble through a fake story that, for all intents and purposes, is stupid.


So those are some helpful hints, kids. And you ladies out there, be sensitive when you outnumber your male coworkers or friends in conversation. And if you, ladies, are good enough friends with said dudes, maybe you can give them some more helpful hints about how to avoid a potential drowning in the sea of estrogen. That's all for now!