Papa was a kidney stone

Ok, so my title is a slight lyrical reference althought slightly adapted. I'm here today to play the role of Public Service Announcement, Father, Doctor, or whatever you call someone who gives wise and sage-like advice.

While in Cincinnati this weekend, trying to see the Great American Ballpark in Cincinnati, my friend Josh experienced a small slice of Hell on earth. We went to the ballpark on Saturday night and saw a lovely Pirate win, while scratching another ballpark off the list of parks left to see in America. Anyway, somewhere in the middle of the night Josh awakened. He was in excruciating pain and was uanble to perform any of the following actions: sit, stand, lay down, remain quiet, or not throw up. Really all he was able to do was: groan, ache, stand up either walking or bent over at the waist, and throw up. Imagine Satan is trapped in your side ... that's how much it hurt.

After thinking for a while this pain might go away, stupid guy reaction, we realized Josh needed to hit up the lovely ER. So we drove to The Jewish Hospital in Blue Ash, Ohio. They diagnosed him with a lovely kidney stone and a sizable one at that. I won't go into details, but it was big enough to make our poor friend Josh have to spend the night at the aforementioned Jeiwsh Hospital. The doctor said and I quote: "Your friend is on a lot of pain killers. We have him on Morphine and percocet (that's right I just looked it up) and he's still in pain and throwing up. I think we're going to have to keep him overnight."

So I decide that we have to get rid of our Sunday game tickets, as the first pitch is in about an hour and a half. So I go find the dirtiest guy possible downtown, assuming he's not a cop, and sell them. Go back to the hospital and move Josh into another room. I had a nurse say, "I've given birth to two children and I've had a kidney stone. I'm willing to say the pain is comparible." I felt for him. It's been my number one fear in life. I hear it hurts so much that it makes grown men cry and double over in pain. I want everyone to be aware of how bad these kidney stones from the netherland can be.

A few quick notes about stones. A kidnesy stone is a stone formed of some things, but mostly calcium buildups, with some junk thrown in that your kidney didn't filter correctly. So don't throw too much junk down there. It's kind of like a burr, sharp on the end, which scratches on the way out. Most people can pass stones just by ... you know ... peeing them out. But if they're big enough they have to be blasted and broken up or even surgically removed. That's a bad stone though. Some people are more genetically likely to get them than others. Not everyone is going to get them and you may not be at risk. But you can still do things to prevent them. It's similar to the fact that not everyone who steps out in the street will get hit by a car. But if you can try to not get hit by a bus steamrolling towards you at 45 mph you want to. Right? Look both ways you dolt! So here's what you can do in short:

1.) Eat better food. Less meat (boooo) is a good thing.
2.) Drink lots of water.
3.) Pee often. I know I know, it's totally tough and manly to hold it, but holding it also might lead to the most worstest experience in your life ever ... a kidney stone.
4.) Drink less caffeine.
5.) Read the prevention part of this site

So Josh is waiting to pass his kidney stone. They let him go on Monday and he's now home with his family safe and sound. He's also double fisting percocet's until he passes the sucker. So when you go to bed tonight, or sit down to a meal, please do say a prayer for Josh. Pray for peace and healing. And if you think I'm even kidding ... think again.