Ok that's not true I'm not here to dog on homosexuals (sorry Anon), but I am here to tell them one very forceful, and heartful message:
STOP MAKING MY CLOTHES GAY!
Yeah, you heard me right homosexual-land, I told you to stop making my clothes 'gay'. Some of you might be baffled, but I'm going to explain what I'm talking about here. This all came about a few weeks ago when Chaney still lived with me and we were talking about something really important (probably about how he hates Americans). So we're talking, and I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to wear to work. After staring at the same clothes in my closet for a good 10 minutes, I finally come to the conclusion that I'm going to wear these black pants and this white and black embroidered Calvin Klein shirt.
So I've got my shirt on, and I'm feeling pretty fly. Chaney however looks at me and kind of smirks at me. Thus went our conversation:
Me: "What?"
Chaney: "Nothing man, nothing"
Me: "What on earth are you smirking about?!"
Chaney:
Me: "You're dang right I'm not gay! What the heck are you talking about??"
I could go on and on like this but as you all can probably guess, Chaney was referencing my apprently 'homosexual looking' shirt which heterosexual Andrew thought was sweet. That's when it finally dawned on me:
GAY MEN ALL OVER AMERICA ARE MAKING MY CLOTHES STEREOTYPABLY GAY!
When I go out to buy clothes, I go out and I find something that I think looks good, and that fits well. Pretty basic right? I also work at Brooks Brothers, so you have to know what clothes look at least semi-decent together in order to sell the clothes that the store purveys! Well somewhere over the course of the past 10 years or so, when you get clothes that fit right and look great (and I do reiterate, I look great) everyone is like "Man that looks like a gay person's ensemble." I'm sorry, I didn't realize that homosexual men had the corner on the market of pink and purple shirts, embroidered dress shirts, American Eagle tshirts , Express Khakis, and PaulFrederick.com! Not to digress into a philosophical conversation here (and I'm not going to run too far with this) but it really seems close (close, not clothes) minded to stereotype gay men into the category of 'dressing gay'. For all the talk of 'treat me equally' and 'I'm not different than you!' that you hear from countless homosexual advocacy groups in America, they will readily stereotype one another by their clothing and be happy to indulge in the fact that they seem to have a corner on the market on styles of clothes that are 'theirs'. It's like they need a mouthpiece to declare their sexual preference, and then when you call them on it they'll say things like 'don't judge me like that'.
I'm not here to judge, and this is not a blog about lifestyle choices...save about the clothes that you wear. But let it be known, people of America, that from this point forward, I am here to break the stereotype of the gay man's clothing! I'll wear my purple shirt with my matching purple tie! I'll wear that pair of pants that I got from Express that might be a little snug against my junk! I'll wear my Peal Leather Co. shoes and I'll even polish them up to be sparkly and shiny and very attractive looking! And if anyone says to me "Dude that outfit looks gay", I will calmly remind them that 1) they are stereotyping a subset of the American population which is wrong!! and that 2) I, in fact, am crazy about chicks. I just happen to think that these clothes are suitable for ANY man to wear, so throw off that stereotype and WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANT (except that gay pirate looking shirt, Joel) WITHOUT FEAR OF RETRIBUTION!
That's what I'd say, and you should say it too. On a more exciting note, however, my friends Jeremy and Colin made a video game. They just made one! I think it's pretty slammin and if you go to the Mercury Effects website you can download a demo and play it. This is gonna be a hot one, kids!
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