The SPCA isn't going to like this one, either

The other day I heard a story from a woman that I work with-a story which happens to be one of the greatest stories I've heard in a long time. It's a story about love, about betrayal, about jealousy and revenge. It's a story about an unforgivable sin and the retribution exacted for such a sin. And what's most important about the story is that it is about cats. Yeah that's right, kitty cats. Here we go.

So "Saquanda"* comes in to work and starts to tell this story. She starts to tell the sordid story of her lovely cat Sassy and her baby kittens. At Shaquanda's house they have a little breezeway where Sassy and her lovely little kittens sleep. They keep the door open to the outside so that Sassy can go out for a jaunt around town when the kids are asleep (sometimes the pressures of being a mother can be a little overwhelming, you know). Well a few days ago they left the door propped open a little bit, as usual. While Sassy was out and about, her kittens were hanging out in the breezeway and having quality kitten bonding time; it was at that point that a malicious predator crept into the breezeway. The predator's name was Tom, and he was a tomcat with no home and no family. One might be able to chalk his salty disposition up to the fact that he had no home, no lovely wife like Sassy, and no kids to call his own. But on that evening, whatever caused his saltiness also fed his bloodlust and desire to kill! When Tom saw Sassy's kittens cavorting about in the breezeway of love, he was blinded by jealousy! He pounced on one baby kitten, attacking it ferociously and ultimately delivering a mortal neck wound to the helpless infant. In the heat of the moment, Tom also shut the door to the breezeway by slamming up against it.

Sassy, as you recall, was out for a night on the town thinking that her little babies were all safe and sound. As Sassy was roaming around town, her motherly instincts warned her that her little babies were in trouble!! She left the singles bar she was having a glass of milk, and flew home just in time to see one of her babies kil't right in front of her own eyes! Fueled now by a desire to ensure her other babies' safety, Sassy lurched forward trying to squeeze into the breezeway. However Tom had shut the door to the breezeway and all that Sassy could do was yell, and scream and howl with anguish that only a mother's broken heart can know. Things were not looking good for Sassy's little babies.

This is the stage that is set for one of the most awe-inspiring, gut wrenching, and just plain old tough-ace interventions that Western PA has ever witnessed. As the melee is unfolding in Shaquanda's house, both she and her husband are watching from the house to see what will happen. Shaquanda was obviously upset, knowing full well that one of her little kitties had been annihilated, and that the rest of the littler would likely meet the same demise. As both Shaquanda and her husband "Rambo" watch from the sidelines, something clicks within Rambo. He turns to his wife, and with a chin set like flint and with the resolution of a thousand patriots says "Honey, I'm going to take care of this. But it is going to be really...really...bloody." Rambo, as crafty and deft as the most skillful of thieves steals into his young son's room and lifts one of his toy baseball bats. He turns to leave his sleeping son's room, when he cathes a glimpse of his son...sleeping so peacefully. As he ponders the thought of having to tell his son why his favorite cat, and her kittens are all dead, he clutches the toy baseball bat close to his chest and mutters under his breath, "Don't worry son. I'll make this situation right."

As Rambo darts through the house, he hears his wife whipser "Honey, what are you going to do with that 12" wooden toy baseball bat??" . But Rambo has no time to respond. In the breezeway he hears Tom screaching and howling at the other kittens-a bloody howl that only the bloodthirsty know! Rambo jumps into the breezeway, scattering kittens and killer alike. He positions himself between the attacker and the quiering kittens. As Tom wipes the blood from his horrible cat mouth, he starts to size up this new foe who has entered the arena (i.e. the breezeway). As Tom strafes around this tower of a man, Rambo cooly looks over his shoulder at the frightened kittens, then his wife. "Sweetheart, I want you to take these kittens...I don't want them to see any more killing tonight."

As the two enemies stare each other down, Tom breaks the stare and leaps at Rambo. With the force of a mighty wind, and the hand eye coordination of a professional baseball player, Rambo sidesteps to avert what would be a vicious cat bite. As he slips to the side of Tom, he lets fly with the baseball bat and cracks the attacker in mid-flight right across his cat face. Stunned, Tom lets out a yelp of pain, put the yelp is cut short by another swift blow to his abdomen by a mini-Louisville Slugger. Now clearly outmatched by an opponent who will not relent, Tom realizes that this night could be his last night on planet earth. He forsakes his plan of attacking Rambo, and makes a bee line for the breezeway door. Unfortunately for himself, however, Tom had shut the door to the breezeway when he first came in to stalk his prey. Without opposable thumbs, that door would be next to impossible to open again! This is a fact that Rambo had counted on, and with a knowing grin and a reluctant sigh, he raised the baseball bat above his head.

Raise.

Swing.

Crush.

As the blood crept out of every conceivable crevace of Tom's now lifeless body, Rambo knew that his killing was not in vain. Though he had prevented the death of at least 3 small kittens, he still had reservations about killing an animal...that he wasn't going to eat. As his wife now held the other kittens and cajoled their mother Sassy, Rambo quietly buried the small kitten who had had his life stolen from him just a few moments prior. Never again would a jealous male cat attack Sassy's children...not in Rambo's house. After talking with Sassy and the kittens, Shaquanda and Rambo decided that they should relocate for a few days. With the decision made, Sassy and Shaquanda and Rambo all said a tearful "We'll see you soon" and parted ways. Hopefully they will return again one day soon, a little bit older, a little bit wiser.


The End



So that's the story that "Shaquanda" told us about "Rambo" her husband killing this cat that was attaching their cat. How freaking hard is that?!

*names changed to protect the innocent...and sweet!