(listed in ascending order!)
Vice Number 3: Swearing in the Car!!
Ok I know that you all do this. I like to be one who considers himself above the fray of using terse one syllable words to express how I feel. I'm more complex than that, and refuse to believe that profanity is art (though I've heard some people make a colorful case for its artistry). I just think swearing makes you sound base and boorish, not to mention spiritually degrading. So it's with reckless abandon that I fly in the face of my convictions to let you all know that I am a closet potty mouth!
I swear people, if you want to see Smith in rare form, put him behind the wheel of a car on the LIE at rush hour. Or better yet, put him in a car after being behind the wheel of said car for 14 straight days on his endless tour of New York state on a crusade for clean-mouthed college kids (yeah it takes a lot of looking). I think I've even mother effed handicapped retarded children because they decided to walk across the street when I wanted to turn Right on Red. It's bad people. But no matter how bad it gets, swearing in the car always makes me feel (low but...) better!
Vice Number 2: Eating Candy!!!
Ok so this is a relatively harmless vice right? WRONG!! You can ask the enamel of my teeth, or my gums, or my recently filled cavities about how harmless candy eating is. Truth be told, I would eat candy alone for sustinance without too much provication. Candy is really what gets me through every day. At work I probably eat 45 pounds of chocolate, hard candy, and other crap every day. I just actually opened our candy drawer at work and saw that someone has eaten all the candy. I fully realize that I should go out and buy candy, but at the same time, am too paralyzed with grief to get mobile about it. That's the depth of my sickness.
Vice Numero Uno: Abusing Tobacco Producccttssssss
Big surprise here. The only thing that I love doing more than swearing at old ladies with a face full of Dum-Dums is taking a few hours out of my day to smoke pipe, smoke a cigar, or smoke hookah. Tobacco is probably my only legitimate vice that I find myself struggling to say no to. In fact let me tell you a little story about how smoking gave me cancer in my tongue last week (no joke!)!
Take a look at this, people. This is a picture of the human tongue:
Ok this is my tongue. Last week I took my pipe on the road. No big deal right? UNBEKNOWNST TO ME the tongue is actually very sensitive. In fact, I believe it's even possible to burn one's tongue if they are not too careful in smoking their pipe. When you draw in from the bowl of the pipe the warm smoke comes in and bam slaps your tongue around. Generally it makes for a very pleasing taste, and when you're smoking a Boswell's pipe, and tobacco, you know you're smoking the good stuff. Well apparently too much of a good thing is bad for you, because after about 4 solid days of pipe smoking my tongue looked and felt like this*!!!
AHHHHHHH!!! Yeah try having a burnt tongue for the past 5 days and counting. It's not a treat people. I still can't taste anything on the front of my tongue. Go back and look at that picture of the tongue about 2 paragraphs up. If you put some black X's over the sweet and salty parts, the remaining un-X'ed parts would be the only parts that work on my tongue right now. Bitterness and Sour are the two most prevailing tastes in my mouth. Oddly enough, bitter and sour is what fire tastes like as well. And you know what...it serves me right. Now I'll think twice about slow-roasting my tongue over a number of days. Never again will I smoke a pipe or any other tobacco product so long as I live!!
So those are my favorite vices. A less favorite vice is lying and exaggerating about stuff that happens to me. It makes me a great story teller, but not a good attention to detail person.
*"And the tongue [is] a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell" (James 3:6, NIV) I've got hellfire in my mouf!!!
8 comments:
hmmm..vices...interesting topic andrew. ummm....well of course i "swear" in the car....if you want to put language into sub-sectored catagories even though the mean the same as other words...but i'm sure you knew that i did that because i "swear" in public too...unless i know someone will be offended...then i limit my vocab for their sake. However i have to ask what is the difference between me say a four lettered word if i slip and fall or me saying poop in the same manner? i'll tell you: none-profanity is a heart action...no matter what word choice you use, it's all the same...but anyway...that's a long discussion about a bunch of religious morons deciding what was okay to say and what wasn't...not to mention "swear" words aren't universal in degree or meaning and the Bible is...and so is the heart's intent. moving on...
candy...believe it or not...i don't really like candy...makes me sick
tobacco products: ummm besides the occasional cigar with one of my boys..not really an issue...and chewing tobacco and cigarettes are disgusting...white trash.
hmmm...so what is my biggest vice?...well i'll tell you. It's buying cheesy pointless flicks on DVD...yes they are corny and lame, predictable, and not even remotely clever or thought provoking, but I can't help myself...i not only watch but do own chick flicks and even one or two teeny-movies...shame on me...sooo pathetic. However, sometimes it's nice just to turn off my brain and forget that the real world exists.(good news is that I still have good tastes in movies and an excellent collection...those are just my guilty little pleasures)
my other vice is helen keller jokes (the really good ones...not the obvious ones). I know it's wrong and I know I should be ashamed of myself...and I am, but I still laugh at them. shame on me...
there you have it! confession is good for the soul.
like...Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman!
Good joke Josh. I dig that one.
Amanda, don't give me that namby pamby there are no swear words stuff. There are clearly words that as seen by society are taboo. For whatever reason they are. So when Christian people use them, it's bad for a reason. That reason being it ruins a part of our witness. Like if you're sitting here saying, "Man you can kiss my ass." The non-Christian just may say, "Those Christians are no different." That my friends is being a stumbling block to non-Christians and our main man Paul calls us out on that one.
I'm not saying it's smart that there is such a thing as swear words. I heard they originated this way. Back in England there was the upper class, people of class and money, and the vulgar class, those who had no money and were classless. They used different words, some of which were those words today known as swear words. Over time the meaning of the word vulgar changed, it know longer means just lower like it used to, it now also has connotations of offensiveness as well. So taaaa daaaaaa swear words are bad now.
Today's lesson don't swear.
YAWWWWNNNN....speaking of "namby pamby" like I haven't heard that played out and weak arguement before...but if you want to get into "witness" I would LOVE to. The same arguement could be made against a lot of things...like smoking (body is the temple after all) drinking, mocking people (you know what Proverbs says about scorners boys...you're in trouble)...I mean it could get extreme, but it was never intended to. I'll tell you this much from my own personal experience: I have been able to talk to more people about Christ because I'm not a high-end holier than thou...number one reason friends have given me for even having a discussion with me about Christianity: because I'm real. Sweet. I'll leave that there. Thanks kids...
However if you want to get into the whole "history" of profanity...you'll apparently need to go back further than England...say to Paul...cause he told us not too...once again profanity is universal, language and meaning are not. Thanks Paul. And just because some rich folk back in the day, who were oppressing the poor in mass, decided that because they were poor and therefore vulgar, that their language choices must be, so therefore I should feel the same? Ohhh ABSOLUTELY not! that's sick and it's a terrible logic. Our idea of "vulgar" language stems from systems of class oppression...and as you already know...I'm not interested in perpetuating that further in society...whether society chooses to or not. My witness is clear: I love others, help the poor, the orphans, and the widows, the elderly and the homeless, I speak the truth in love, I live with integrity-straight from the honest depths of my heart and soul, I falter and keep going, I share the greatest gift that has ever been given to me: Christ. I'll not get sucked into some religious social structure of hierachial language...thanks, but no thanks.
Eph. 4:29
"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear"
Lecherous, drunken, indigent, filthy, rank ne'erdowells (I'm guessing here) probably descibed some of the 'vulgar' class of ye olde England. Maybe my line of what is vulgar and what is not vulgar is blurred, but if the above said characteristics applied to the 'lower classes' in English society, then I don't think that you can make the argument that the upper classes were oppressing the lower or vulgar classes. They were calling it as they saw it. Then what do you think happened from there? When Frank the noble stopped taking showers, he was also refered to as smelling like sh.. from those in his own class. Again, in said circumstance the upper classes were not oppressing the lower classes, they were naming attributes present in the underclass milieu and then applying them to other people.
This is a guess as to how profanity developed, but if it did develop out of accurately desribing some lower class characteristics, I don't see how you can see that as oppression. So swear away in good conscience IF you can!
And Paul says no unclean word, not no profanity.
Amanda,
Thanks for reminding me that I sin and have vices. It's funny because for a moment I thought I was perfect. I really need to have a reminder above my desk that reads, "You are a sinner." Can you get on that one for me? I think you'd do a good job of penning it, and then a far better job associating with me than anyone else. That is your forte.
I believe you can ask those who know me that I don't really come from a "holier-than-thou" attitude. Just because I was saying we should strive to not swear is in no way a condemnation of you. I argue a lot that we should strive to be good witnesses and examples. We should not be of the world, yet millions of times a week I am that. You know that verse it goes something like, "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Yeah I'm part of that "all" group too. It's a tough one to get out of once you've joined. So yes I am a sinner and look down on no-one for their sin. If you name a sin there's a large chance that it's existed somewhere in my family, we've covered just about all the bases so I know how they exist in real life.
I was merely mentioning that you shouldn't swear and turn others away if you can just as easily not swear. There CLEARLY is a difference between the words "poop" and "shit." Our blog just entered PG-13 land. Society views it so. It's not always a class thing so don't get all in a huff or a tissy. There's nothing wrong with the occasional drink but certain people might. So we should try not to do that if it causes others to stumble. That's the ideal to shoot for, although it will never happened, "we all fall short."
So just don't fall prey to that thinking that, "I'm the bad ass Christian. I'm reaching those people." My sister did that, and it's absurd. You can hang out with those people and not have to be like them. Jesus wasn't hanging out on the street corner with prostitutues and swearing. He merely hung out with them. Society is full of hierarchy unfortunately, but it's not really part of this discussion. I was giving you a brief history of how some believe the current swear words of today came to be so. It's how they're viewed. Grow up and accept it.
I'm a sinner. I'm a sinner. I'm a sinner. You know what though all of us are. We're just trying to do the best to glorify and honor God any way we can. And you know what? This blog is bad for me, it makes me far too angry.
ummm...wow...was that taken out of control...i'm not commenting on this thing anymore...as I have always held...words without facial expression and influx are dangerous. As for being a "bad ass christian"...yeah no thanks...i prefer thinking and acting with reasons internal, not out of some strange twisted version of external factors.
Keith, my intention was not to put a big stamp on your forehead as sinner...my question/observation is where is the line? REALLY I would love to know. Answer: beats me...that's what life is about, humbly and desperately seeking the REAL truth behind how God would wish us to act and what to say...without all of society's crap and religions crap weighing us down and scaling our eyes. I'm sorry if I offended you...not at all my intention...i'm a big fan of conversation, not arguements. Ps. not calling YOU a holier-than thou...i'm saying that there are those who perpetuted this thinking that are...same with the ludicris idea that drinking is a sin...not name-calling dear...I don't know you that well...but i'm sure you're not.
So, sorry for any offense caused or anger (didn't realize this would get so touchy as a topic of discussion)...but seriously my comment was taken out of context and if you would have been sitting across from me, you would have never got that vib...i'm sure. ok...sticking to my orginal stance...no more commenting here....will enjoy the read and that's it. once again...my apologies for any offense taken.
two more things:
One andrew: what makes a word clean or unclean? society or the heart from which it came?
Two: I want to come back to this line thing: there's always extremes and extremes are never good. For example, me givng to the poor...sounds good in theory, but not always...where's the line between perpetuating bad life style choices and enabling and charity and love? I don't know...I ask God all the time. Sometimes I think I get it right...other times I walk away feeling wretched....Holy Spirit at work I suppose. Scorning? Where's the line between complaining and mocking everything and standing up and saying no more...this is wrong and we need to discuss it? Beats me...actually I suck at this one in particular. Where is the line between respecting those in authority and standing up against wrong-doing? Again...I don't know...When does something that we mean for good become sin? Yeah God spells some things out for us pretty clearly but the rest, well He left that to us depending on Him daily.
All I'm saying is that life is too complicated for all this. Anything can be turned evil when left in the hands of man. Look at the crusades..that was done in the name of God! What must He be thinking? It's all confusing and finding that line is a real search. In life, A+B does not always equal C. that's what keeps us humble before God. That's all I'm saying...and it is through my growing up that I have learned these things...I've learned that I don't really know anything and same goes for everyone around me. We're all trying, failing, and living in grace, learning, repenting and starting the cycle all over-again. That's it.
ok...seriously that's all i have to say on this. Good luck on finding the lines...i know i'll need it.
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