His laser says your oven works fine

This is an actual quote I heard from our land lady last night. Let me fill you in on the details. I return home last night around 10:00 from a college fair in Erie, PA. I'm tired, my arms are full of stuff, my cell phone is ringing and that's when I see Judy. Here's the abbreviated version of the conversation:

Judy - I saw you pull up there with all your stuff you need a donmumble mumble ...

Me - I'm sorry what did you say?

Judy - You need one of those donkey haulers to carry all your stuff.

Me - (incredulous that this statement left someone's mouth) Yeah I guess I do.

Judy - I finally got a guy to come look at your oven today (For those of you unaware it doesn't get above 300 degrees. This makes it virtually worthless. The oven does one thing, heats stuff up. It can no longer perform this task, and even baking a sheet of cookies takes roughly half an hour. A month and a half after complaining she gets someone to fix it.) He took one of those lasers in there and looked at it and it's fixed.

Me - Oh great what was the problem?

Judy - Actually there was no problem. His laser says your oven works fine. It's the thermometer that's broken. They're really inaccurate. You could have it at 500 degrees and it would say it's 300 in there.

Me - Why do my cookies take 30 minutes to bake? Why did it take me almost four and a half hours TO HEAT UP A HAM THE OTHER NIGHT!?

Judy - Oh well I didn't know that. (I told her at least twice) Well it should work now he used one of those lasers.

Me - Well I'll bake something and let you know.

Judy - About that extra fridge in your kitchen we can go ahead and move it in your laundry room and get rid of that useless black shelving unit.

Me - Judy we keep our stuff on that shelf. Plus the fridge is too big to put in the laundry room. It's much deeper and the door won't open then. I won't be able to get in our laundry room. Plus I don't want another fridge in my house that leaks and doesn't work right. We'll move it anywhere you want, but not the laundry room.

Judy - Well I don't know where I'm gonna put it then. We can get rid of the shelf you don't use and put it in there and it'll be out of the way.

Me - exasperated Judy, find a place to put it and we'll move it for you, but it's not going in there. I need to take this phone call.

Yep, you read it right. Our land lady is insane. It's like conversing with a two year old. She doesn't listen to what you say and barrels away with her own ideas. Plus what freaking LASER IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? I'm baffled by this statement. What laser fixes an oven? Why is she using a laser? Do I trust her with a laser? How did this special laser not realize my oven can't cook things? When am I going to get salmonella and die? Why does my kitchen suck so much? What is this laser? I was so furious last night that I just went in my apartment and went to bed at roughly 10:30. It was miserable.

On a lighter note, my trip to Chicago was a blast. I had a ton of fun and U2 put on a great show. This is a blog for another week though. I'll definitely blog about it next week, maybe in a three part blog. The trip there, the show, and the trip home. Stay tuned ... or go do stuff to things with lasers. Blam!