Recycle ... get real!

Ok. I've been quiet for a while. I know. People comment when greatness is silent. But in an effort to lower my blood pressure and to live a healthier more stress-free life I've been trying to be less opinionated. My Dad calls it the "who cares" factor. Merely just shrugging your shoulders at stupid things that bother me typically. These things include but in no way are limited to the following:

1.) Blown calls by referees.
2.) Horrible commercials.
3.) Bad TV.
4.) Raging Liberals.
5.) Stupid stuff that's not as sweet as I am or Andrew is.

So today I'm not shrugging my shoulders, but instead I am clenching my fists. Why you ask? I'll tell you why ... recycling is ridiculously stupid. It might quite possibly be the dumbest idea foisted upon us by the media and people who need a reason to get their panties in a bunch, do good, and feel better about themselves and their own excess.

So here's the beef. For this article I've gone to various sources, both conservative and liberal. I found some facts, from the ragingly liberal New York Times that speaks frankly about recycling and it's stupidity. Of course all these facts are probably lies since they come from the Times and I'll be proven wrong. This is a blog, not a newspaper, so I'm not footnoting here. But I do have the sources saved if you'd like to see them. A quick story then the facts.

My parents live in a township that has instituted a new, and dare I say STUPID, recycling system. They now are forced to separate all trash in the house before putting it in the can, and the trash can in general. I've always thought recycling was dumb, cumbersome, a waste of time and money, but it's infinitely worse now. Now we have to seperate paper scraps from plastic, lids from cans, and boxes pretzel sticks come in from plastic yogurt comes in, and so on and so on. It's absurd and now EVERY ROOM OF OUR HOUSE HAS TWO STINKING CANS IN IT! The two worst parts are yet to come. One we get find $30 American dollars for every infraction we commit. So if I mess up while visiting my parents and don't dismantle the Pretzle Stix box correctly we can get fined. Plus for large items or any extra bag each week we have to buy a sixty cent tag extra. If that doesn't just scream money-making scheme I don't know what does. Like we don't pay garbage men enough. Last worst part of it all, they didn't even get to vote on it all. How horrible is that? Last time I checked we didn't live in Cuba!!!! What is going on here.

So here's why I'm miffed. It's a colossal waste of time and I think it's a complete fraud to make people feel better about it. But you put up these straw arguments for me:

1.) But Keith we're running out of space to throw our trash!!! False - To fill up another thousand years worth of trash all you would need is space that equals 35 miles square by 100 yards deep. Wow that's so big. On all of God's green earth we don't have space like that ... HOW ABOUT ALL OF MISSOURI!!!! We have plenty of space. And the point of my article, if you care about space and waste ... quit wasting so much stuff. Don't buy 35 packs of starburst at Costco buy one pack at your local grocery store. Don't be a pig yourself.

2.) Recycling saves us money and energy. I even heard our very own Andrew utter this, "The energy saved from recycling one glass bottle can be used to watch TV 3 hours!" Maybe ... if we do it correctly. Recycling often costs more in time, money, and energy since it's so poorly run. Let's not even get into what it's costing me. I spent 15 minutes dismantling AN EFFING CARDBOARD BOX ON SATURDAY! 15 MINUTES! It would have taken me 10 seconds to walk it down with trash and another 15 seconds to smash in the truck ... wow. That's a lot of energy used by throwing stuff away. Look how much it cost me personally. But by the time you get a glass bottle, separated, where it needs to go, melt it, and then make something out of it. You have to be kidding me. Great we can run a TV for three hours off that. If it's poorly run you can lose money and energy as well. How about this. Turn off your lights when you leave your house. How about this turn off the TV when you go to bed. How about this quit running water while you shower in the sink or brush your teeth. Don't make me separate glass to make up for you being a wasteful pig.


3.) It reduces pollution if we recycle. False! Maybe in the ground, but those fumes you're letting out from melting plastic ... they're burning kindergarden kid's noses. They'll have three eyes thanks to you. Ok that one's false, but you're taking up space and making pollution as well.

4.) My point is this. Politicians and grain and nut eaters have created recycling out of some media scare that we were running out of space in the late 80's ... 87 if I remember correctly. Now people do it sine it makes them feel better. They feel like they're saving space, doing good, and getting rid of waste. Want to get rid of waste? Go look at packaging for Grocery stores and packaging companies use to ship products. Want to look at waste look at all the food you throw off your plate at an All-you-can-eat buffet. Want to see waste? Go see how much money is spent in a casino while the homeless dude outside it freezes (side note ... I gamble). There's so much waste in this world other than my plastic Wild Cherry Pepsi bottle.

So quit wasting my time, invading my life, and telling me what to do. Next time I want to recycle I will, but don't force me too. Allow me to at least vote on it. This isn't a dictatorship. So when did it become ok for someone to tell me what I have to do and how I have to do it. As for me, I'm going to start throwing more stuff away.