Gettinga Slurpee is not a legitimate field trip...PART TWO!!!!

So if you read my last blog, you know that homeschoolers in America are in quite a predicament. The forecast for 2006 does NOT look good. I know you've been waiting for bated breath to know how to help homeschoolers. People of America, I have an answer for you.

We need to get an apparel line strictly for HOMESCHOOLERS!!!

Think about it people. What unites high school campuses? What brings students together? What is it that bonds all people in a given school together in unity, despite what ethnic, religious, social, economic backgrounds they come from? The mere fact that students attend the same school bonds them together and gives them group identity. And nowhere is this most prominently displayed than when students sport apparel made for their school.

When I was in high school, you couldn't walk 15 feet without seeing someone with a Butler High School somethingorother T-Shirt, Sweatshirt, Hat, Smock, Socks, Letterman Jacket, etc. Even when people didn't like each other they all had unity in the fact that they, along with 1200 other students, were members of the same high school. It's a great unity builder! That unity is sorely lacking in homeschool students.

When you think about it, homeschoolers are a dislocated student body. THey belong in a high school, but they have been removed from that environment. THey crave peer interaction (at leat I hope they do), but have no outlet for peer interaction that doesn't center around either youth group or volunteering in a hospital. Homeschoolers need to find a way to bond together, to have a mutual understanding of one another. They need to find camraderie with their peers, and not so much with their parents. I propose that if homeschoolers bond together, they can make unique apparel that signifies a bond that transcends regions, states, and even countries. Below I will propose some items that I believe homeschoolers should don in order to signify that they are different from other high schoolers (as if social retardation itself wasn't a big enough signal...pfff), yet unified!!

HOMESCHOOL GEAR 2005!!

The Standard "Home High" TShirt:
This standard Tshirt sends a message. It says "I'm unified, I'm different". I think homeschoolers should mass produce Tshirts with the words "HOME HIGH" on them. Never mind that the Smith home is different from the Jones home is different from the Williams home...ALL HOMES can be SCHOOLS if you want to SHELTER your kid. So in that vein, I give you "Home High" Tshirts (as an aside, I think the Home High tshirts would be a hige hit with parts of the drug subculture. An unanticipated profit that could be made by telling kids to stay home and do drugs could be amazing! Just something to consider).

The Home High Button Down Short Sleeve Shirt:
Nothing says class and cool like a short sleeve button down dress shirt. Not only does wearing a button down short sleeve make you look ridiculous, it also reinforces stereotypes about your social maturity...I mean, enhances your unity with other homeschoolers! If Jilly Homeschooler is walking down the street in her button down short sleeve shirt with the Home High patch on the sleeve, and she sees Jimmy Homeschooler with a similar shirt, they will instantly strike up conversation. Peer to peer conversation is paramount in building unity.

The Home High Jumper:
Now I know some of you are saying, "Woa woah wooaahhh...I went to private school and girls had to wear jumpers. Why would you voluntarily make a Home High jumper for homeschoolers?" That's a valid question, and it has an easy answer: because we cater to our niche market. Homeschooled students have been spotted donning many fashion 'fuax pas'-esque clothing items of their own free will. If students are willingly wearing jumpers, why not make a jumper that tells the world "I'm homeschooled and I love it!!"? Exactly. So if we make a jumper with two big overlapping H's on them, I think it would be a great idea. Jumpers are great for reading, frolicking, riding bikes, and going on field trips to your church. When we take this necessary fashion item and make it accessible as Home School High apparel, we again reinforce unity amongst homeschoolers.

The Home High Denim Dress
In what may be called "The Staple of the Homeschool Revolution", i.e. the denim dress, we present the pinnacle of the HH collection. You know you've seen homeschoolers wearing these dresses. You know you've commented on them. But NOW we're turning another homeschooler fashion statement into a homeschool UNITY statement. This item is also great because mothers, and even grandmothers can wear these dresses, thus setting up their children for what might be some of the most cripplingly akward social situations ever (and they won't even know it! hee hee).

Regular Girl: My mom is so sweet, she got me a Ralph Lauren sweater for Christmas
Homeschooled Girl: That's so materialistic
Regular Girl: Huh? Materia-what?
Homeschooled Girl: My mother purchased me a homeschool high denim dress...
Regular Girl: That sounds vomitocious
Homeschooled Girl:...AND she got herself one too. We are going to be mommy daughter twins!
Regular Girl: That sounds like the stupidest present ever, and I bet it looks horrible
Homeschooled Girl: Définir vous par votre vêtement est si peu profond.
Regular Girl: Whatdidyoujustsay?
Homeschooled Girl: That's right, I speak French, and 5 other languages. Hmmpphh.

SEE! That girl feels empowered by her new apparel!!

Home High Ties
I see you guys sitting over there, all green with envy that the ladies get the lions share of the hip clothing. Well pay attention!! As a homeschooler you can also get a Home High Tie (it rhymes). When you show up for your college interview in your HH short sleeve button down shirt and HH tie, you're sure to be a knockout. But the tie isn't just for impressing admissions counselors (...no comment...), it's also for impressing...the ladies. When you're homeschooled, you gotta look fly and be unified with other homeschoolers at the same time. When you swagger down the street in your HH ties, everyone knows that you've got confidence out the wazoo (albeit misplaced) and charisma to boot. Don't be caught dead without one of these bad boys.



So as you can see, homeschooled students need to be unified. Whereas people may have different homeschool styles, they all share a common school...their own house. You want to try to boost confidence amongst homeschoolers? You want to improve feelings of unity amongst homeschoolers? You want to bring down those stereotypes about homeschooling your kids? Go out and get some Home High apparel. You'll be glad that you did, kids.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!