Monday, October 24, 2005

For once I wished I was sterile...

Yeah you heard me right...I said sterile, as in cannot procreate and make little Andrews. "Andrew! Good Lord I always took you for such a verile, rambunxious young man!!" you might be saying to yourself, and rest assured I still am...some of you know more than others. But innuendo aside, I was out to lunch today and had not one, but TWO encounters with what I would call hellions...but you might also call them toddlers. Sit back and start gritting your teeth, because listening to this story is akin to listening to Flo Jo scratch her nails across a chalkboard.

This morning, I was hungry. So instead of going out for the breakfast that I missed, I decided that hearty Italian cuisine would have to fill the void in my stomach. So when I rolled up to Olive Garden at 10:59, I was the only one in the parking lot, and subsequently the only patron in the restaurant. I state that I was there before opening hours for one reason alone. I went in expressly to have a 1) fast meal and have a 2) quiet meal. I had just picked up the new Thrice album Vheissu, and was geeked to start reading the liner notes (I know...I'm a tool). Not more than 2 and a half minutes after I had sought refuge from the day in the Italian haven, the gates of Hell opened up right in front of me and out spewed the most ghastly little imp I've ever seen. The imp was about 24" tall, had blonde hair, and had a voicebox that would put Mariah Carey to shame, so loud was his Banshee canticle! I whipped around in my seat hoping to avoid a meeting with the imp (ok it was a toddler) only to see him writhing and flailing about in his helpless mother's arms. Loud piercing screams that would curdle your blood came out of his cerubic mouth, and the face of an angel that beset his countenance was only a facade to hide the demon that lay beneath his exterior. This kid was awful. All 3 other parties in the restaurant at this point just kind of stared at this grown woman who had no control over her own flesh and blood; we all shook our heads in a collective gesture of disdain, and we tried to keep eating amidst the torrent of yelps.

I found myself literally saying, "Man I hate kids"!! In all reality my fury was directed at this deadbeat mom who just sat there and didn't say a thing to her kid! What's he going to do, talk back? Slap him in his face! You're the mom!! I swear the Age of Niceness that we live in has realyl cramped my ability to enjoy a fine meal. Eventually the kid stopped screaming and started eating his kiddie size spaghetti, but the damage had been done. Everyone was pissed, I hated kids (normally I love children more than dogs), and what's worse...my reading was severely disrupted.

That was hellion number one, but hellion number two put him to shame. This hellion came straight from the belly of Old Scratch himself, and to retell the chronicle of my frustration with this hellspawn will have to wait for another blog...I'm off to have a (hopefully) hellion free dinner with my old Roomate!! WOOOO!!!

27 comments:

James said...

thank you for the absolutely horrid picture of the ass of flo jo.

seeing things like that force sterility on the masses.

Anonymous said...

Andrew,

Use a condom.

--Colin

Anonymous said...

Bonjour, keithandandrew.blogspot.com!
[url=http://viagraes.fora.pl/ ] viagra online[/url] [url=http://viagramedica.fora.pl/ ]venta de viagra en espana[/url] [url=http://viagrasinreceta.fora.pl/ ]vendo viagra online[/url] [url=http://farmaciaviagra.fora.pl/ ]vendo viagra online[/url] [url=http://viagrafarmacia.fora.pl/ ]venta de viagra en espana[/url] [url=http://medicoviagra.fora.pl/ ] viagra online[/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.kfarbair.com][img]http://www.kfarbair.com/_images/_photos/photo_big8.jpg[/img][/url]

בית מלון [url=http://www.kfarbair.com]כפר בעיר[/url] - אווירה כפרית, [url=http://www.kfarbair.com/about.html]חדרים[/url] מרווחים, שירות חדרים, אינטימיות, שלווה, [url=http://kfarbair.com/services.html]שקט[/url] . אנו מספקים שירותי אירוח מיוחדים גם יש במקום שירות חדרים המכיל [url=http://www.kfarbair.com/eng/index.html]סעודות רומנטיות[/url] במחירים מפתיעים אשר מוגשות ישירות לחדרכם.

לפרטים נא גשו לאתרנו - [url=http://kfarbair.com]כפר בעיר[/url] [url=http://www.kfarbair.com/contact.html][img]http://www.kfarbair.com/_images/apixel.gif[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

Predilection casinos? sanction this advanced [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com]casino[/url] direct and hold a brave up online casino games like slots, blackjack, roulette, baccarat and more at www.realcazinoz.com .
you can also into our untested [url=http://freecasinogames2010.webs.com]casino[/url] direct at http://freecasinogames2010.webs.com and be successful in deep-rooted flush !
another solitary [url=http://www.ttittancasino.com]casino spiele[/url] intrigue is www.ttittancasino.com , during german gamblers, clear a leave in manumitted online casino bonus.

Anonymous said...

Genial brief and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Gratefulness you as your information.

Anonymous said...

Nice brief and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you on your information.

Anonymous said...

is rollo weeks dating jessie [url=http://loveepicentre.com/]va personals[/url] speed dating in hull http://loveepicentre.com/ top singles usa

Anonymous said...

Great Site. Was added to mybookmarks. Greetings From USA.

Anonymous said...

Hi,

I am regular visitor of this website[url=http://www.weightrapidloss.com/lose-10-pounds-in-2-weeks-quick-weight-loss-tips].[/url]Lots of good information here keithandandrew.blogspot.com. I am sure due to busy scedules we really do not get time to care about our health. Let me present you with one fact here. Recent Research presents that about 80% of all United States grownups are either chubby or overweight[url=http://www.weightrapidloss.com/lose-10-pounds-in-2-weeks-quick-weight-loss-tips].[/url] So if you're one of these individuals, you're not alone. In fact, most of us need to lose a few pounds once in a while to get sexy and perfect six pack abs. Now the question is how you are planning to have quick weight loss? [url=http://www.weightrapidloss.com/lose-10-pounds-in-2-weeks-quick-weight-loss-tips]Quick weight loss[/url] is really not as tough as you think. You need to improve some of you daily habbits to achive weight loss in short span of time.

About me: I am webmaster of [url=http://www.weightrapidloss.com/lose-10-pounds-in-2-weeks-quick-weight-loss-tips]Quick weight loss tips[/url]. I am also health trainer who can help you lose weight quickly. If you do not want to go under painful training program than you may also try [url=http://www.weightrapidloss.com/acai-berry-for-quick-weight-loss]Acai Berry[/url] or [url=http://www.weightrapidloss.com/colon-cleanse-for-weight-loss]Colon Cleansing[/url] for effective weight loss.

Anonymous said...

how to measure length penis [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/erektile-dysfunktion.htm]erektile dysfunktion[/url] symptoms separation anxiety dogs http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/procardia.htm diet to lower blood sugar level http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/skin-care.htm
the health and body store [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/g.htm]No prescription online pharmacy[/url] directions for the blood cell from the heart to the arm [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/viagra-professional.htm]meds online without a prescription no sign up fees[/url]

Anonymous said...

travel sights http://wikitravel.in/cruises/tahiti-cruises intervalworld travel
[url=http://wikitravel.in/airport/fort-lauderdale-airport-public-transit-bus-to-cruise-pier]travel rentals in amsterdam[/url] cst long travel kits rzr [url=http://wikitravel.in/plane-tickets/cheap-plane-tickets-for-the-first-week-of-april]cheap plane tickets for the first week of april[/url]
travel and tourism cruises http://wikitravel.in/cruises/paddle-boat-cruises
[url=http://wikitravel.in/car-rental/budget-car-rental-pheonix-az-24th]galveston travel guitar[/url] easy jet travel to nerja spain [url=http://wikitravel.in/motel/motel-everett-wa]motel everett wa[/url]
travel lodges uk http://wikitravel.in/disneyland/disneyland-resort why one should not travel to cuba [url=http://wikitravel.in/map/map-sayville-high-school]map sayville high school[/url]

Anonymous said...

clothes in ireland http://topcitystyle.com/white-pants-color4.html san francisco shoestring [url=http://topcitystyle.com/sweaters-roberto-cavalli-category24.html]garland fashion[/url] zoppa shoes
http://topcitystyle.com/white-navy-blue-dolce-amp-gabbana-color75.html items made from horseshoes [url=http://topcitystyle.com/sky-blue-t-shirts-for-men-color96.html]information on iversonsnowshoes[/url]

Anonymous said...

lauren christine mosig http://topcitystyle.com/blue-shirts-color32.html african black lingerie fashion [url=http://topcitystyle.com/vae-victis-funky-shirt-for-men-item1082.html]loakes shoes[/url] boys forced to wear girls clothes
http://topcitystyle.com/t-shirts-for-men-page11.html hs trask shoes [url=http://topcitystyle.com/corsan-men-brand68.html]childrens clothes retailers in new york city[/url]

Anonymous said...

young adult classifieds http://planetofporn.in/girl-anal/i-had-anal-sex-and-and-now-my-butt-whole-is-red
[url=http://planetofporn.in/hcg-oral]adult female free[/url] free adult video pics [url=http://planetofporn.in/adult-xxx/adult-dirty-sites]adult dirty sites[/url]
personal lubricant for pool http://planetofporn.in/adult-xxx/watch-free-adult-tv-and-ponyslave
[url=http://planetofporn.in/amateur-porn/programz-amateur-home-porn]spanish dildo[/url] quartz dildo [url=http://planetofporn.in/adult-xxx/estrangemnt-between-parents-and-adult-children]estrangemnt between parents and adult children[/url]
silicone adult toy http://planetofporn.in/erotic-gay/erotic-spank-fchat
[url=http://planetofporn.in/first-anal]adult gifs images[/url] hentai haruhi suzumiya [url=http://planetofporn.in/teen-ass]teen ass[/url]
sexy muscle female http://planetofporn.in/bondage/bondage-movie-thumbnail-galleries
[url=http://planetofporn.in/bondage/gothic-bondage-clothing]free naruto hentai pics[/url] hentai littlegirls [url=http://planetofporn.in/bondage/free-bondage-storie]free bondage storie[/url]

Anonymous said...

chuckie scary movie [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-double-feature-borne-ultimatum-shooter/23482database/]Double Feature Borne Ultimatum Shooter[/url] free xxx movie clip hunter [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-the-war-at-home/15579database/]The War at Home[/url]
urban justice movie [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-michael-clayton/29612database/]Michael Clayton[/url] jackass movie [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-high-fidelity/20409database/]High Fidelity[/url]
the storm movie [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-evan-almighty/16652database/]Evan Almighty[/url] movie review worst movie ever tom green [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-911---the-great-illusion---end-game-of-the-illuminati/16577database/]911 - The Great Illusion - End Game Of The Illuminati[/url]
steven segal movie navy ship [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-el-bunker/4946database/]El Bunker[/url] gamma adjust for windows movie maker [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-superbad/4990database/]Superbad[/url]

Anonymous said...

american medical asso [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/a.htm]Online Drugstore[/url] womens history medicine http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/y.htm
home health meal assistant mcallen texas [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/i.htm]No prescription online pharmacy[/url] claritin blood pressure [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/anti-depressant-anti-anxiety.htm ]international dental surgeon [/url] company health in insurance texas
hannah montana sleeping bag [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/antibiotika.htm]antibiotika[/url] vanderbilt medical group gynecology practice http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/naprosyn.htm
medical device research [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/perdida-de-peso.htm]perdida de peso[/url] vitamin k and bruises [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/discounts.htm ]drug discovery conference 2007 december [/url] velocity diet results

Anonymous said...

low levels of white blood cells [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/requip.htm]requip[/url] internal medical medicine physician specialist surgeon http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/eurax.htm
human heart diagrams [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/ilosone.htm]ilosone[/url] health risks of internal peeing in vagina [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/plan-b.htm ]how to trouble shoot my honeywell boiler [/url] treatment algorithm for generalized anxiety disorder
vaginal bleeding after miscarriage [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/sumycin.htm]sumycin[/url] reliance drug rehab http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/smettere-di-fumare.htm
community health alliance [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/antibiotiques.htm]antibiotiques[/url] sleeping room [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/relafen.htm ]tea ring recipe [/url] bodybuilding chest

Anonymous said...

clothing colors black shoes and blue jacket http://www.thefashionhouse.us/38-pants-size24.html croc shoes [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/springfield-brand109.html]web designer kent[/url] computer design fashion software
http://www.thefashionhouse.us/navy-blue-new-color21.html cheap designer handbags [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/scarfs-amp-hats-category57.html]winter running shoes toronto[/url]

Anonymous said...

national drug and medicine policy [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/dostinex.htm]dostinex[/url] basketball prescription goggles http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/ed-discount-pack-3.htm
members of heart [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/sinemet.htm]sinemet[/url] introduction to diabtes diet [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/control-de-la-natalidad.htm ]iron the mineral [/url] what showes up if you get a blood test
paleo cheese health [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/tulasi.htm]tulasi[/url] diet for 0 negative blood http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/endep.htm
center for sports medicine oakland [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/maxaman.htm]maxaman[/url] cardinal health inc los angeles office [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/prinivil.htm ]nicole richie diet [/url] road rage agressive driving intermittent explosive disorder

Anonymous said...

travel abroad 02 http://xwl.in/tourist/tourist-attractions-innj ponderosa travel trailer park in anaheim ca
[url=http://xwl.in/airlines/american-airlines-flight-status]australian security domestic travel[/url] atlas travel international [url=http://xwl.in/expedia/expedia-conversion-rates]expedia conversion rates[/url]
travel insurance for suncor retired employees http://xwl.in/cruises/cruises-from-the-bangor-maine-port
[url=http://xwl.in/tourism/oxfordshire-tourism]travel deals las vegas[/url] liberty travel books [url=http://xwl.in/tours/graveyard-tours-boston-ma]graveyard tours boston ma[/url]
travel trailer mouthing portable generator http://xwl.in/airline/cheap-airline-to-canada how to become a home based travel agent [url=http://xwl.in/expedia/expedia-conversion-rates]expedia conversion rates[/url]

Anonymous said...

Hi
Very nice and intrestingss story.

Anonymous said...

jeff kleinman http://topcitystyle.com/women-classic-denim-type3.html star shoes [url=http://topcitystyle.com/armani-jeans-zip-jacket-for-men-off-white-item2080.html]sag harbor clothes[/url] lauren parc townhomes
http://topcitystyle.com/dolce-amp-gabbana-tops-shirts-with-colar-brand2.html lauren kain cockold [url=http://topcitystyle.com/burberry-dress-shirts-brand4.html]kleine klaagmuur jeruzalem[/url]

Anonymous said...

hotel shuttle to detroit casinos http://wqm.in/blackjack_free-blackjack-trainer lightweight playing cards
[url=http://wqm.in/casino-online_what-is-casino-night-event]pick three lottery secrets[/url] olympic lottery [url=http://wqm.in/poker-online_mnfg2007-poker-carbon]mnfg2007 poker carbon[/url]
bingo and game http://wqm.in/keno_video-keno-30-days-free-trial
[url=http://wqm.in/baccarat_baccarat-play-free-casino]alantic city casino packages[/url] win the pick 3 lottery [url=http://wqm.in/joker_border-collie-wizaland-ebony-joker]border collie wizaland ebony joker[/url]
online gambling free spins http://wqm.in/keno_mitchell-keno microsoft global email lottery [url=http://wqm.in/online-casino_creek-nation-casino-tulsa]creek nation casino tulsa[/url]

Anonymous said...

reviews of 1987 movie casino [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_a_father_s_choice/]a father s choice[/url] movie filmed in nc http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_and_soon_the_darkness/ movie maker tutorials
casper the movie moral lesson [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_dr_dolittle_2/]dr dolittle 2[/url] what movie does keira knightley get naked http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_down_with_love/ amc24 movie theaters ottawa
video movie songs [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_invincible_70/]invincible 70[/url] squirt movie galleries
sunny delights movie [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_piano_player/]the piano player[/url] big women fuck movie http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_king_of_the_hill/ first major movie steveb spielburg
free movie sites for the iphone [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_chair/]the chair[/url] dragonlance movie trailer http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_abbott_and_costello_meet_the_mummy/ mib the movie

Anonymous said...

whats up chuck the movie [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_pompeii_the_last_day/]pompeii the last day[/url] the movie danes http://moviestrawberry.com/hqmoviesbycountry/country_luxembourg/ mobile armored strike kommand movie
movie maker creations [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_fireflies_in_the_garden/]fireflies in the garden[/url] unfaithful movie clips http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_mr_duck_steps_out/ milf wife movie
movie paper chase [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_hunter/]the hunter[/url] hbo movie line up
popple movie [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_shelter_island/]shelter island[/url] gone fishing movie http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_i_can_do_bad_all_by_myself/ ransom movie
big tit movie trailer [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_basic_instinct/]basic instinct[/url] new captain america movie offical site http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_matrix/ movie in unionville pa

Anonymous said...

Hi,

I begin on internet with a directory