The 7 People you Meet in Heaven...er, Louisville.

Louisville, where are you? Let's look at you better...

Ahhh there are you my harlot friend! The denizon of citizens who haunt thy streets is legion! I just got back from a 48 hour spat in Louisville. While there I fought off a blistering cold front (fortunately I planned ahead and packed only some Birkenstocks and a long sleeve tshirt to brave the weather. It turns out that Louisville has winter too...who'd a thunkit?), came face to face with the bitter mistress of sheer boredom, and confronted the spectre of Kin-tucky ignorance on just about every corner. Being someone who thrives on social contact, going to downtown Louisville without any friends seemed, to me, to be one of the more odious tasks that I would encounter in February. Everywhere you go in downtown Louisville there's something to do, provided you are not a loser and have friends. Because I have no friends in Louisville, I decided that I would try to make some while I was there. Whereas I flew into Louisville friendless and alone, I left Louisville with many new social contacts! Some of you may call these people dullards; some will call them deadbeats; some will call them boorish; and some will call them drunkards. I, however, call these new social contacts...friends. And through the art of the weblog, you are going to get to know a little bit about some of my new friends.

First...meet SEAN!!

Ok technically Sean isn't from Louisville...he's actually from Pittsburgh. And I didn't meet him in Louisville, I met him in Pittsburgh while our plane taxied out onto the runway. Sean works for NFL films, and is generally a cool dude. Sean is great because everyone has a friend like Sean. He's the guy in your social circle who has geek-chic glasses, always totes his I-pod aroud with him bopping his head up and down to the latest College Rock band that you've never heard of. He's the guy in your social circle who says stuff like "that's righteous", "right on man, right on", and "Hey man, it's cool...it's coooooool". Sean was a blast to talk to, and you could read him like an open book. He's got his struggles- he's been married for 5 years and is likely running headlong into a divorce. He's the guy who never really grew up, but managed to take his jois de vivre and turn it into a career...FILMING FOOTBALL GAMES! Sean was on his way to the SuperBowl to help film all the day's festivities. On a scale of 1 to 5, I give Sean a friend rating of 4.

NEXT MEET JACKIE!!!!!

Jackie...oh you rascal! Jackie was the bartender at the Red Star Tavern on 4th St. in Louisville. She was a really cool chick, espousing the stereotypical "hey sugar!"s and "there you go sweetheart"s that every good bartender with a Southern lilt should espouse. Jackie made my friend list for a number of reasons. 1) I belly'ed up to the bar with a book in my hand (relax it was before 10 O'clock at night...brining a book to read at the bar is totally legit if it's not during prime time) and proceeded to place the book face down in front of me. Jackie cruises over and is like "Hey sugar what can I get for you? Oh hey!" flips book over and says, "OH C.S Lewis...good for you man, Lewis is a great writer". BLAO a bartender who is familiar with CSLewis? Get outta here! I was impressed. 2) Jackie has this HUGE tattoo right on her chest (and of course her shirt was cut low enough so you could see it I mean I didn't look Carly I promise! Let me rephrase)...er, I HEARD Jackie had a huge tattoo on her chest. But it wasn't a slutty rose or butterfly or some other tartfully placed tattoo hovering just adjacent to the center of Jackie's boob. Her tattoo was RIGHT in the middle of her chest, and it was about the size of both of my fists clenched side by side. The tattoo said somehing about 'one love' and had a big rose in the middle and some kind of weird temple and I don't know what all else. But she said it was supposed to be dedicated to her mom and I can respect that. I mean who of us hasn't thought about getting something reminiscent of our mother tattooed on our chest?
Anyway, Jackie, 3/5 on the friend scale. We didn't get to talk a whole lot because, well, she was at work. But she was a heck of a nice girl.

I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA WANNA MEET JIM!!!

Jim is a bouncer at Howl at the Moon on 4th St. in Louisville. I waltzed into HATM, a rowdy piano bar, at the most unrowdy time of the day-8:00pm. As I looked inside to see what was going on, this big burly dude came walking over to me. If you've ever seen "Remember the Titans", Jim kind of looks like that big white guy who sings all those Motown hits and gets hated on by the other white guy who Denzel Washington calls Jerry Lewis. You know what I'm talking about. Anyway Jim is a bruiser. He also looks like his name could be one of the following: Bruiser, Brutus, Ched, Roy, Spike, Tiny, or any other random character who you might see in Nintendo's 'Final Fight' the video game. Now that you've got an aesthetic model of Jim in your mind, you can imagine I was a little disturbed to see him lumbering my way (looking very hungry). He asked if I was coming in, and I asked him why no one was at the bar. He told me that HATM doesn't get rowdy until about 10:00pm (again, primetime).

As he regaled me with the tales of drunken crowds all singing along with the two piano players, clanking their classes together and making general fools of themselves, I couldn't help but think that Howl at the Moon was kind of like Pirates of the Caribbean! It turns out that it's nothing like Pirates of the Caribbean. But I digress. Jim and I chatted for a bit about sweet it was so get drunk and sing along with popular music hits set to piano music and profanity when he noticed that I (once again) had brought my C.S. Lewis book into HATM. "Hey...didn't that guy write that book about the uh...lion, and the wardrobe or something" stammered Jim. Of course he did, Jim!! So Jim and I talked about C.S. Lewis for a bit: Yes I've read the Chronicles of Narnia, yes they are great books, no this isn't one of the books in the series, no Lewis didn't write just children's books, but the bulk of his works deal with philosophical and theological issues that wrack the minds of men, etc. etc.

After a couple of seconds of head nodding and "Yeah, well's" Jim says to me "Yeah well you should definitely come back later. It's going to be really crazy tonight. You can just come on in". It is on this last phrase on which I linger, beause after 8:00pm you can't just come in to HATM, as I found out later. I came back around 10:00 to see the rabble rousing pirates, I mean patrons, sing along with the piano men, but was told by a rather burly bouncer that "HEY YOU HAVE TO PAY COVER TO COME IN HERE!" I was a bit befuddled by said bouncer's rudeness, but as I stood there eyeing him up, Jim comes waddling over and tells the other bouncer "No this guy's cool. Come on in, man!" It was like I was VIP, and all I did was talk to Jim for like 10 minutes. Anyway, that gesture of kindness rocketed Jim to a 5/5 on the friend scale. In case you are wondering how my adventure into HATM sans friends went, shortly after entering the den of iniquity I was paralyzed by terrible stomach pain and had to retire for the evening. I'm attributing the pain to a physical manifestation of either the Holy Spirit's disdain (Baptists are nodding their heads here) or something else...I don't know what.

Anyway I'm going to have to continue this blog later because I just got my T SHIRT AND CD FROM MAYLENE AND THE SONS OF DISASTER AND I NEED TO GO SLAM MY NECK!!!!