Satan Made Street Fighter 2 to Foil the Plans of the Upright and Righteous

You may laugh my friends, but this is in fact the case. See here if you don't believe me. The writing on the devil is actually an ancient satanic language and it says, "I and I alone made Street Fighter 2!". So there you have it people, you heard it right from the horse's mouth...Satan was the creative developer behind Street Fighter 2.

"Woah woah woah, Smith" you're telling me, "I know for a fact that CAPCOM made Street Fighter! You're a liar!"

I, you anonymous, ignorant nay-sayer, am not a liar! Journey with me, if you dare, into a place of hatred and bitterness...a place where otherworldly weeping and nashing of teeth takes the form of "You lose!", "Perfect!" "SHOORRYYUUKEENNN!!" sounds...a world that incites men and women alike and awakens the inner demon of anger deep within their souls! Come with me to the devil's dance floor ! Come with me to the land of my misery! Come to the land of Street Fighter 2!!!

I know for a fact that Street Figher 2 was constructed by Satan to destroy the otherwise mild manneredness of individuals like myself. I like to think of myself as an even keeled guy: not much upsets me, I'm not overly competitive, and as you all know, I'm pretty awesome. With that as my background, I am not one given to immediate provocation. When confronted with a disappointment, or with a loss, or with a defeated dream, I take it in stride.

HOWEVER!!!

Street Fighter 2 brings out the worst in me! It's like the devil is actually extracting the worst characteristics of Andrew and putting them on full display for a watching world to see. And when I say watching world I mean Keith, and the neighbors across the hall in apartments 19, 20, and 21...that's how thunderous my rage is when playing Street Fighter 2. So this is what happens when I lose at Street Fighter:

FIRST! I seem calm, starting blankly at the television and the hideous image of E.Honda, or Blanka, or Dhalsim and his stupid elephants telling me that I, in fact, have just lost. "YOU LOSE!"

SECOND! This can go two directions here. What I usually do is, with the controller in my hand, turn and throw the controller at the wall as hard as I can. No joke. I suddenly become as powerful as Samson and I try to throw the controller through the wall. If that doesn't happen, I pump fake like I'm going to throw thw controller, but then pause...only long enough to contrive the most elaborate list of profanity that you've ever heard. And there I usually with, with controller raised in fury, wishing many ill wishes on E.Honda and his stupid 'Doof Gooey' move (in no uncertain terms).

THIRD! Regardless of what happens in phase 2 of my eventual metamorphosis into hell-spawn, step 3 is again, a rapid fire bout of profanity and I usually pick up the controller and actually try to break something with it, like the nintento, or a glass, or a beer bottle, or a sliding glass door, or the TV, or Keith, or something.

FOURTH! In addition to those antics, I'm also paralyzed by an inability to write in concise sentences. That's a more chronic condition, and you can go through the blog and see where that nasty demon pokes its little head up all throughout my writing (that's a joke, people).

FIFTH: I storm out of the room like a baby, mother effing everything and everyone who I've ever known. I know it doesn't make sense, but by its nonsensical nature it belies the poison that the devil puts into my otherwise rational brain. The climax of my maelstrom usually hits when I start picking up couch cushions and throwing them around the apartment with little care or concern for what I break, or who I injure.

I know by now most of you are probably looking at the computer with self righteous disgust, and rightfully so! This is ridiculous! If you doubt any single bit how deeply depraved I have become because of Street Fighter 2, you can drop a comment and ask Keith to corroborate. He will give a sheepish 'yes', and BETTER HOPE THAT I DON'T FIND OUT THAT HE'S TALKING TRASH ON ME BEHIND MY BACK OR ELSE...HHAARRRYUUUUKEEENNNN!!!!