It's a jungle out there!!!

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, it's a jungle out there. Regardless of whether you live in the city, or in rural, horrible, downtrodden Western PA the world is becoming a much more violent place! Even the most docile of creatures are having to pursue a path of violence and destruction to make a decent way in the wild, wild world. Take for example...me! Yep...there I am, bright and chipper, ready to take on any task that the world could possibly throw at me! I've got that defiant, "Come on world! Give me what you got, because I'm going to slap you in your gap toothed mouth!" How am I so supremely confident in a world teetering on the edge of self-destruction? I will tell you me friends that I have a few secrets. The secrets of my bottled bravado are detailed in this photograph, if ye have eyes to see! Come with me, and find the secrets to making your own destiny!

Step 1: Have a good friend with you. As you can see, part of my unbridled confidence stems from the fact that I have a good friend by my side. Through thick or thin good friends will stand by you, and help you conquer the 'lions' and 'bears' of life's jungle experience. Frengel and I are good friends. Keith and I are good friends, though there was a time when I contemplated suffocating him with the underside of my posturepedic pillow! You all should really ask about it sometimes. It's a story that underscores how the trivial aspects of life should not drive friends apart! It's also a story for another day because after a good friend, you need...

Step 2: A Solid Haircut! Call it the faux-hawk, call it the 'rhino', call it the 'reverse Alphalpha'...call it what you will but don't call it ridiculous! In times of trouble, a good haircut will help you feel better about yours standing in life. Reflect with me children!! Who all of you has not at one point stood in front of a mirror, eagerly searching the crevaces and nuances of one's facial canvas looking for one clue as to how to engage a situation looming on the horizon? I know you all have!! If in searching your exterior frame for an internal pathway of enlightenment you have a solid haircut, it makes it a little easier to keep searching for the answer somewhere on your face. Plus, a solid haircut will make you more aerodynamic should you need to run away fro life's problems.

Step 3: Be Supremely Confident! "Who of you by worrying can add even a day to your existence"? It's a question asked to us by the Christ, and it is a question that still stands today...why worry so much! Pump that fist in the air, pull those lips back in a gnarled grin, and charge ahead into the jungle of life! Remember, predators can't eat what can't be eaten, so don't sit still long enough to worry about getting eaten...because you will be. Eaten that is...or consumed by life's problems if you will. Just run with the metaphor here people. Finally, in order to clear a pathway through the underbrush and jaggers of the jungle of life, you will need...

Step 4: An Awesome Headband! As you can see from my defiant stance, I've got a killer headband on. Now I can really take the world on, and do it with authority!! Hiya, World! You got nothing!!!

So those are 4 steps to fighting your way through the jungle of life. I wish you all the best on the start of the school year (you students), and the best to you working folk who are starting to lament the fast approaching end of summer. GO!