Last night I went over to a gentleman's house who I've been priveleged to befriend over the past 2 years since my graduation from College. He's one of the theology professors at my College, and he's been a great friend of my family. I don't get out to see him as often as I'd like (which is probably better for my health...and you'll see why), but whenever I go to visit I spend on average a minimum of 3 hours at his house. In the company of this gentleman and with others from the community we drink, we smoke cigars, we listen to jazz, and we talk. For hours on end smoke mingles with laughter and the blare of brass as we pass the evening enjoying one another's company. One of the things that makes the evening so unique is the fact that aside from the music in the background, the only 'entertainment' on the agenda throughout the evening is the fellowship afforded through conversation (and I guess the burning of only the finest tobacco the world's soil can offer).
While hanging out with Dr. Gordon, every once in a while he'll toss you a nugget of wisdom that only age, experience, and a broken heart can yield. Last night we were talking about talking (any surprise that I was implicitly trying to pry wisdom out of Dr. Gordon for my blog?) and with the wisdom and presence of a sage Dr. Gordon says (in so many words) "People don't always like to talk with each other. Having conversation can be awkward, uncomfortable, and unusual...in that regard it's like life. But even though conversation can be uncomfortable, it's something that you can't just not do." Boom. That's exactly it. Whereas conversation and communicating can be awkward and unwieldy, it's something that we humans we have to do if we really want to live full lives.
The word 'conversation' actually is a derivative of the Latin word con versare, which means 'to dance' or 'to turn'. Could there be a more appropriate deriviative for a word decribing how people interact? When you watch people talk, their hands, bodies, faces move to what the other person is saying. Since we know that conversation happens almost exclusively without words, it's in the movement of bodies where conversation is either made or broken. Think about it. Dancing is something that I don't think anyone is naturally good at doing . It takes practice, it takes awkwardness, and it takes a willingness to go through with the embarassment of being all discombobulated around another person. But once you know how to dance, everyone loves you! Guys want to be able to dance like you, and girls want to sleep with you!! Dancing is one of those things that, regardless of whether you are natually gifted at it or not, you need to learn how to do in order to be a well rounded person (and impress the ladies). The same is true for conversation and communication. In order to be good at it, it order to be comfortable with it, you need to do it. And not just converse in a halfhearted way, you have to be able to give and take. In other words...don't half-stand behind your booth at Pizza Hut with drink in hand and right arm akimbo hoping your moment of awkwardness will pass.
Someone who I love and respect very much once told me that when you are expressing your love for someone else, it's not always so much what you say that conveys your feelings but how you listen to the object of your desire. The same is true in dancing.Thus the same is true with communicating. You've gotta be willing to listen. I think of myself as a good listener. In fact I get paid essentially to listen to people. I mentioned before that in my job at X Christian Liberal Arts College I get paid to deliver information about my school. Inasmuch as I have to talk to people, I have to listen to people to decipher, through garbly mumbled adolescent lingo, 1) what kind of information they want out of me and 2) if this person is conveying that they would be a good fit at my college (yes, I do a lot of interviews as well). For example, I just overheard a family talking with Keith. He was telling them that while he was interviewing their son, they had talked for a while and took longer than they should have taken. Listen to this short conversation:
Keith: sorry we took so long
mom: that's quite alright I guess
Keith: Yeah, it's probably better to talk for a longer time than a shorter one!!
mom: Well I bet you have to talk for a while to get to know them!
Keith: shut the heck up you old bat!!
Alright I confess, Keith didn't tell the old bat to shut up (how sweet would it be if he would have, though?!). But I thought the mom made an interesting observation because with one statement she was both right and wrong! Sometimes it does take a while to get to know a student: their passions, their maturity, their insights, their life story, their ability to mesh with the students already admitted here. However sometimes it doesn't take more than 3-4 seconds with a student before you realize that the next half hour of your life will be wasted time which you will never...ever...have back again. The bridge of discernment between the two options lies in how you listen, and what you listen to. Setting all other distractions aside and taking just half an hour to listen to another human being speak yields unparalleled insight into the workings of their lives. If that's not reason enough to listen, to converse, to dance, then I don't know what is.
So I leave you with a few thoughts.
1) Think about how you communicate with your body...what are you telling people (Keith put your shirt down, I'm not talking like that)
2) Don't be afraid to communicate with people. Yeah it takes effort and it might be uncomfortable at times. But the key to a rich life is, I believe, being able to communicate richly with others
3) Listen. Communicating is reciprocal. Give then take.
4) Whatever you do, don't trivialize your conversation. You only get so many opportunities to make lifelong connections with your fellow humans.
That's all I've got kids. Go talk to each other. Go con versare
("Wait wait wait...what about the part about emo kids liking this blog? I haven't seen anything that tugs at my hopeless romantic heart yet!!!)
Alllllllllright I started with a song so I'll end with a song just to make everyone happy.
"we turn our music down and we whisper 'say what your thinking right now.' tell me what you thought about when you were gone and so alone. the worst is over. you can have the best of me"
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