I've been blogging about how horrible the South is. You've all read my opinion (probably five times since I'm so slow). But before finishing this series, something got my ire up again. I can't stand it. I know you all want to hear about what could take me twenty minutes at a Dairy Queen ... and still end up without CHOCOLATE FREAKING ICE CREAM!!!! Be patient kids. Very patient. I have another tale to tell. One that smacks of ...
JIBBS! Yes that's right, the rapper Jibbs, commonly referred to as, "Young Jibbs" so as not to be confused with the other widely known, "Old Jibbs." Give me a freaking break. Jibbs has decided to grace the musical world with a new, "hit" single. He shows off his musical prowess with his song, "Chain Hang Low."
I have a couple gripes about the song, past the first that it obviously sucks something terrible.
1.) The song's beat and chorus are off the old children's song, "Do your ears hang low?" If you want to establish some credibility, say I don't know, writing your own music, and then do a cover ... go for it. But to start your musical career with a sample that someone else did all the work for ... c'mon man! Forget you! That's so weak!
2.) The beat. I could have made this simplistic baby beat with a keyboard, a block of wood, and a spoon. Seriously. Give me a production room and five dollars. I'll top this one.
3.) Your name is YOUNG FREAKING JIBBS!
4.) The lyrics of this song. I know rap isn't all about the lyrics, but let's look at some quick excerpts. (These are off his website by the way ...) MY COMMENT IN CAPSLOCK!
"my chain hang
all it do iz blang blang,
have blue have red
like my diamonds gang bang
and don evn thank
we on tha same thing
charms so heavy they couldn' lift it till the crane came"
CHARMS SO HEAVY THEY COULDN' LIFT IT TILL THE CRANE CAME! WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN! HOW DOES YOUR NECK HOLD THIS CHAIN?!?!
"(chain)Yeah yeah yeah yeah
I'm so icy (do yo chain)
my trunk so heavy that my neck dont like me (do yo chain)"
MY NECK DON'T LIKE ME! I HATE YOU TOO!
"my music give u a black eye
cuz of the beating
they think i am a mutant
they way a boy iz beasting (chain chain chain chain)
i stay when n sometime u a call it cheating
yeah my boyz alwayz around
like iz a mee-ting"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START!!!!! THANKS FOR EXPLAINING WHY I HAVE A BLACK EYE. I GOT A BEATING FROM YOUR MUSIC. A MUTANT APPARENTLY IS BEASTING. I MISSED THAT IN GRADE SCHOOL. MY BOYZ ALWAYZ AROUND LIKE IZ A MEE-TING!!! WE FORGOT HOW TO SPELL MEETING APPARENTLY WITHOUT A DASH. I'M SO ANGRY MY HEART JUST EXPLODED I THINK!!!!!
FINALLY THE CHORUS
"(Do your chain hang low
do it wobble to da flo
do it shine n n the light
iz it platinum iz it gold
could u throw it ov'r ya shoulda
if ya hott it make ya cold
do your chain hang low)"
WE'RE DOING OK UNTIL IF YA HOTT IT MAKE YA' COLD. GRANTED YOU RIPPED OFF A CHILDREN'S SONG FOR THE BEAT OF YOUR CHORUS, BUT HOW DOES A CHAIN IF YA HOTT MAKE YA COLD?!?! PLUS EARLIER HE SAYS THE CHAIN HANGS 24 STINKING INCHES!!!!! HOW ARE YOU THROWING THAT OVER YOUR SHOULDER!
Anyway I'm so pissed that this song is on the radio. I can't believe it was produced. I can't believe people like it. Scratch that ... I'm ashamed for my country that people like this. It's a top four download on freaking iTunes now for like three days straight!!!! What is wrong with you people?!?! Go find a friend that has it, listen to it, and then punch them in the face for liking it!
That is all for now. I'm going to listen to some wholesome music!!!! Anything not by Young Jibbs!
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14 comments:
Haterrrrrrrr!
Lighten up ...
"Go find a friend that has it, listen to it, and then punch them in the face for liking it!"
...if I remember correctly, a certain red-head by the alias of USCU2 has this very song on his ipod. Even more stunning: he is, at this very moment, making COPIES of CHAIN HANG LOW for everyone in his office to enjoy.
Boys and girls, can we say hypocrisy?
~Renoir
P.S.
I am taking your girlfriend out for ice cream tonight. Then I am driving her out to the waterfall MUAHAHAHAHA
Dude, you guys need to post more.
Dude I just made this freestyle rhyme and it's awesome:
Let my chain hang low
let it wobble to and fro
let it tie it in a knot
let it tie it in a box
I'm a throw it o'er my shouldah
I got soul but ain't a soulja
Yo' my chain hang loooowwww
I cain't pick it off the flo!!
THE APPRENTICE!!
HI! I am a total stranger and chanced upon your blog by following a link from Settecase’s blog. Anyway, I genuinely enjoyed this blog post for several reasons:
1. I LOVE this song! It's so catchy, and I've been too lazy to look up the lyrics myself. I only memorized the chorus and chant along heartily with the kids in the song. Now, thanks to you, I get to see more of the words. Through your hatred for song, my love has grown.
2. You were confused about the line, "if ya hott it make ya cold." Let me explain. Usually metal is cold, so if you’re hot and hold your gold or platinum close to your skin, it will be cold on your skin, making you cold. This is also perhaps why jewelry is also referred to as "ice."
3. Young Jibbs is actually a teenager – when he grows up he will change his performer name to Jibbs. Bow Wow did something similar to this. I suspect he also likes to append "Young" to his name to remind us of how much more wealthy he is than us, at such a young age. I'm not phased by his braggadocio, however. I think it's totally warranted, and he is talented.
1. Strangers shouldn't commit so much time on other people's blogs
2. Only diamonds are referred to as ice. This lyric is in place simply because it rymes with gold.
3. I'm suicidally ashamed that I know this.
Hope you guys have been trying to contact Ted Haggard and get him in for some Throckmorton Treatment.
Haha.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Hi people
I do not know what to give for Christmas of the to friends, advise something ....
I just realized two things:
1) Shoa's comments are awesome
2) ANONYMOUS IS BACK!!! In case you never got a chance to meet anonymous, search our archives for "Where blood and fire bring rest and peace". Man she used to get me so fired up!!!!
3) Apparently Borat makes comments on blogs now.
4) Not to spoil the surprise, but I'm actually Lil Jibbs.
Hello. Good day
Who listens to what music?
I Love songs Justin Timberlake and Paris Hilton
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