Listen to how this looks!!!

The other night I was watching "Hitch" with Keith. Yeah...I watched Hitch. It's a delightful romantic comedy where Will Smith, playing Alex "Hitch" Higgins wields words like a battle mace on a conquest to slay the hearts of women for oafish dudes. Somehow, over the course of the movie Hitch gets some stupid heiress, Allegra Coles to fall for some dude named Albert-a portly, maladroit accountant. Through the twists and turns in the plot line, (that's false by the way-the plot twists of "Hitch" would be comparable to the twists of a ruler) Hitch drops some helpful hints of information to us, the buffooning dudes. While most of the info that Hitch tosses us is probably made up to suit the bent of the movie, in light of my blog on Friday one little tidbit of information did stand out to me. Near the beginning of the film, Hitch is providing a voice over narration while we watch some hot young girl roll around in bed. In his narration he mentions:

"60% of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth"

Bingo, Hitch!! 90% of what we say isn't what we say, it's what we do. I've done a little more investigating, and from what internet sources I can track down, I have gleaned that actually 55% of what you say to people is expressed in your body language (facial expressions, posture, etc.). 38% of what you say to people is expressed in how you say it (rhythm, tone, volume, etc.). So that leaves a whopping 7% of communication that is actually expressed by the words that come out of your mouf . When we look at communication, be it a successful event or be it the fleeting, inconsequential communication that happened between Steve and I in Pizza Hut, you have to almost exclusively look at how you are communicating...not just what you're communicating.

"Oh BIG DEAL Andrew I knew that when I was like 6 years old, tell me something I DON'T know!" you're probably gassing. Well if you know so much, then how come you don't pay attention to how you say stuff?!?! Take this blog for example. I can try my best to communicate with you time and time again. And in fact, I try very often to communicate to you in earnest. In the last blog, I implored everyone who might happen to read this blog to leave a comment. The only one who left a comment was Joel, and even then I think the only reason he left a comment was because he felt bad for almost getting me killed in a bar fight.

But on a daily basis, through a series of inflections, movements, and a few power stares I can compel even a total stranger to complete a favor for me with just a few words: fax me a copy of your transcript, write me a letter and tell me that you still like my college, don't come in tomorrow for an interview, go get me a cup of coffee. I place more complex tasks on the shoulders of those who I work with and for, and they more or less agree to go along with what I say. Why is that?! BECAUSE they can see me. You all in blogland can't, and that's why we can never actually communicate with one another (awwwww). Communication is nonverbal. In reflecting on my conversation with Steve, I was actually putting up a barrier between he and I. I was half standing behind my table, plateful of pan pizza piled perilously high on my plate, with a drink in the other hand clearly not ready to talk. For all intents and purposes you would think Steve was the guy interrupting my meal with some inane conversation, but I was the one trying to start one. How on earth was that going to work?

For those of you who know me, you know I like to play golf. For those of you who know me well enough to actually play golf with me, you know that my putting game is abysmal...simply abysmal. Among other taunts that either Keith or my dad toss my way when my putt stops rolling about 15 feet from the pin, they always inevitably say "Come on Smith, you have to give yourself a chance!!" I think the same thing is true with communicating. You have to give yourself a chance to get into a decent conversation with someone. Think about how you talk. Then think harder about how you act when you talk. Before you start talking with someone, try to engage your whole body and mind in the conversation. Not only will it help you actually further your relationship with people, it may also score you a date with Eva Mendes .

Up Next...the great dance!!