NOT!!!! I'm totally not even going to waste any time talking about RTV anymore. I didn't have a whole lot else to say, and I feel like I'm preaching to the choir by telling you that Rock the Vote is worthless. But I want to give you a few brief bullet points before I move on:
1) RTV sucks. If you read the article that I sent on the blog, you know that they basically wasted tons of funds on ridiculous ad campaigns, yet failed to sign on celebrities as financial courtiers of the organization. Something tells me putting "Talk to Mya and have her donate to RTV" on the social agenda might be more effective for long term operations than "let's have a concert and pay the Black Eye Peas". Hmmm.
2) RTV creates nonissues like college-graduated unemployment and re-instating the draft political hot buttons. RTV boasts on its website that they forced all presidential candidates to address whether they would vote to reinstitute the draft; from reading their website rhetoric you'd think that they probably pulled their arms out of socket while patting themselves on the back for that. The fact is it was a nonissue until Rock the Vote made a stink about it. It's still a nonissue. Thanks a whole lot, Rock the Vote, for concentrating thousands of dollars in contributions to formulating endless public service announcements that had no basis whatsoever.
3) Rock the Vote PANDERS to democratic candidates. Democratic candidates PANDER to the worthless MTV generation. Look at the interview on MTV with Bill Clinton. Is Bill CLinton's saxaphone playing, boxer wearing, hash pipe hitting personality expose vital to national interest or to the political sphere at all? Heck no! But RTV knows its audience well enough to know that when one burnout hears that another burnout is running for President, the burnouts are likely going to stick together...and in fact they did. RTV organized a panel of Democratic presidential candidates on CNN to talk about their plans to improve America, but nary a look was cast in the direction of the incumbent Republican party. Nonpartisan? Nonplus is more like it.
4) I'd encourage you all to go on the rock the vote weblog and disparrage them for their thinly shielded liberal sympathies. I'd encourage you to pick apart their shallow campaign strategies, their straw man issues, and their ridiculously immature ideologies on their weblog for the whole world to see. Now that RTV is on the ropes, we who are of sound mind need to do what any red blooded American does when they see an enemy struggling...kick them while they're down! Expose their baseless largess, their liberal pandering, and their bigotry against the Conservatives in this country on their own turf. I'll post comments if you do. Together we can rock Rock the Vote and hopefully bring them down, or at least legitimately demoralize them even more! We don't need Rock the Vote to think for us, the MTV generation, any longer.
Make sure you tell them I said as much.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Rock the Socialism
The thing that bothers me MOST about Rock the Vote is the fact that they try to pass themselves off as a nonpartisan group, trying to stimulate voter awareness amongst young people. Rock the Vote tries do to this through a number of different media, such as through recommended readings , pairing up with other non profit non partisan agencies, and through sponsoring music/cinema icons to tell you what to vote for.* Let's debunk this myth of the bi-partisan media charade and explore how RTV is completely disingenuous in their claims to political neutrality.
BOOKS!! I'm trusting that by now you've clicked on the recommended readings section. Go ahead a browse around. Do those books look like good non-partisan books with no political agenda whatsoever? Not likely. Take Dispatches from the Culture Wars by liberal radio demagogue Danny Goldberg. This guy is so liberal it's unreal. Danny Goldberg, as of Feb 2005, is the CEO of liberal talk radio network Air America Radio. Since taking office last year, he's made it clear that he wants to make sure to increase the network's advertising and public awareness and to get it aired in 90% of the country. America immersed in liberal radio rubbish? That doesn't smack of nonpartisanship. It turns out Goldberg isn't even that good of a CEO. Since Goldberg's arrival at the progressive talk network, he has been the object of blame for numerous decisions that have sparked controversy among Air America's fans, such as dropping hosts Lizz Winstead and Marc Maron (formerly of Morning Sedition). Citing this guy's book as a recommended read doesn't seem to be politically neutral to me. Not convinced?
Check out the Political Action Handbook (the full title, not displayed on RTV.com is the Political Action Handbook, a How-To Guide for the Hip Hop Generation) by Dr. Maya Rockeymoore . Rockeymoore, a noted Democrat activitst** has constructed an Anarchist's Cookbook of sorts for the Hip Hop generation. From how to's on how to demand your rights and how to protest the current admisistration, Rockeymoore provides the 'disenfranchised' youth of today some feedback on how to fightback against a Republican dominated Democracy. Nonpartisan reading? Give me a break. If this woman and Goldberg got together and made a baby, they could name it something like Stalin, or Lenin, or Disaffected Black Youth...you know, something with a little ring to it.
The other books follow suit, you'll just have to take my word for it because I'm too fired up to write more about them. Read them if you want to, but I wouldn't necessarily put them on a recommended reading list.
Another of the most blatant mis-uses of the word 'nonpartisan' pertains to RTV's description of it's offical non-profit backers, or partners . I went through and just did a little bit of re-hee-hee-search on some of these so called nonpartisan non-profit organizations. Wouldn't you know it, most of these organizations are directly tied either to the Democratic/Socialist party, funds from either party, or the endorsement of said parties and their constituents. If I had all day, I could recount to you how seditious these groups are in their presuppositions of political neutrality. If you really want to look into it yourself, head on over to Discover the Network and check it out. Anyway, here are some highlights for you. This is unbelievable:
Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN):
ACORN drew national attention during the 2004 election campaign, when its get-out-the-vote activists turned up at the center of numerous reports of voter fraud, especially in the swing states of Ohio, Colorado, Missouri Pennsylvania, New Mexico and Minnesota. Election crimes allegedly perpetrated by activists from ACORN and from its front group Project Vote include, but are not limited to, the following:
•Falsifying thousands of voter registration forms, either by registering the same person multiple times or by registering deceased or imaginary people
•Hiring canvassers to collect registration forms from Democratic voters, while destroying those of Republican voters
•Registering convicted felons, even in states where felons are ineligible to vote (Meghan Clyne, "ACORN & the Money Tree: Taxpayer Money Helps Fund Voter Fraud," National Review Online, 31 October 2004; "ACORN: Voter Registration Fraud Allegations are Just the Tip of the Iceberg," PR Newswire, Employment Policies Institute, 13 October 2004)
Service Employees International Union (SEIU):
•Largest labor union in the AFL-CIO
•Committed $65 million to defeating President George W. Bush in the 2004 election
•Advocates government expansion for the purpose of coercing increased taxes for the public sector
•Gives millions of dollars to Democratic lawmakers and politicians who promote government expansion and higher taxes
•Union organizer Andrew Stern is the current president
League of Women Voters:
•Ostensibly nonpartisan organization that in fact supports the leftwing political agendas
•Supports abortion-on-demand
•Supports "motor-voter" registration, which allows anyone with a driver's license to become a voter, regardless of citizenship status
•Supports gun control, tax hikes, and socialized medicine
•Supports unrestricted immigration
Alliance for Justice
Founded in 1975 by Nan Aron, Alliance For Justice (AFJ) describes itself as "a national association of environmental, civil rights, mental health, women's, children's and consumer advocacy organizations." All of these member groups push leftwing agendas. AFJ believes "that the public's interest is best served when the policies of government result from a dialogue involving not just the decision-makers but also those whose lives are directly [a]ffected by such decisions." Since President Bush first took office, AFJ has deemed that the "public's best interest" requires the commissioning of an "independent judiciary," and to this end, the group has been systematically opposed to each and every one of President Bush's judicial appointments, despite their extensive qualifications. Alliance for Justice is an ideological organization dedicated to leftwing agendas and opposes Bush appointees because of their conservative ideology.
People for the American Way:
•Wages perennial smear campaigns against non-leftist judicial nominees
•Works in partnership with the Democratic Party
•Monitors activities of "right wing" groups
•Played key role in creating United For Peace and Justice
(Oh you want to know about United for Peace and Justice just for fun? OK!)
•Anti-American, anti-war coalition consisting of more than 800 local and national groups
•Co-chaired by committed Socialist and longtime activist Leslie Cagan
•"The Bush Administration has sought to use aggressive military action…to forcibly dominate the world and impose right-wing policies at home under the cover of fighting terrorism."
National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP):
•Ranked by the Capital Research Center as being ideologically near-radical in their leftist goals and agendas
•After being removed from office under allegations that he had pocketed over $60,000 from the coffers of the NAACP, former executive director Ben Chavis blames "forces outside the African American community" for his demise, prominent among which were "right-wing Jewish groups." Hmmmmmm.
I could go on and on and on and on people. The benefactors of RTV have an agenda to push and a fleece to pull over your eyes. No where in the litany of suggested readings and nonprofit partner organizations do you see a moderate, let alone Conservative representation. Never do you see conservative personalities in print, radio, or television campaigns with Rock the Vote. Coincidence? I think not. Essentially, conservatism has no place in the "get out the vote" strategy of Rock the Vote. RTV wants you to register to vote if you're going to vote Democrat, or if your ideals fall in line with their narrowminded view of the political process.
If you're sick now, wait until next time. You should SEE what Rock the Vote is doing with YOUR money!!
*(this probably merits a whole separate blog as to why the opinion of a celebrity is canonized among the leftist elite in this country. What more does Justin Timberlake or Leonardo DiCaprio know about voting than you or I? Probably nothing, if not less. Why do we deify these people's opinions, these who makes their living on depicting fiction and making it believable? Hmmm. I'd guess it's because un-reality is actually more exciting than real life, and also that RTV has failed in its mission to start a self-perpetuating youth mobilization towards more political activism. That's a stab in the dark, and also a digression)
** (VP Congressional Black Caucus Foundation, served as the Senior Resident Scholar for Health and Income Security at the National Urban League Institute for Opportunity and Equality, advisor to Mel Watt (D-NC) and Charles Rangel (D-NY), etc.)
BOOKS!! I'm trusting that by now you've clicked on the recommended readings section. Go ahead a browse around. Do those books look like good non-partisan books with no political agenda whatsoever? Not likely. Take Dispatches from the Culture Wars by liberal radio demagogue Danny Goldberg. This guy is so liberal it's unreal. Danny Goldberg, as of Feb 2005, is the CEO of liberal talk radio network Air America Radio. Since taking office last year, he's made it clear that he wants to make sure to increase the network's advertising and public awareness and to get it aired in 90% of the country. America immersed in liberal radio rubbish? That doesn't smack of nonpartisanship. It turns out Goldberg isn't even that good of a CEO. Since Goldberg's arrival at the progressive talk network, he has been the object of blame for numerous decisions that have sparked controversy among Air America's fans, such as dropping hosts Lizz Winstead and Marc Maron (formerly of Morning Sedition). Citing this guy's book as a recommended read doesn't seem to be politically neutral to me. Not convinced?
Check out the Political Action Handbook (the full title, not displayed on RTV.com is the Political Action Handbook, a How-To Guide for the Hip Hop Generation) by Dr. Maya Rockeymoore . Rockeymoore, a noted Democrat activitst** has constructed an Anarchist's Cookbook of sorts for the Hip Hop generation. From how to's on how to demand your rights and how to protest the current admisistration, Rockeymoore provides the 'disenfranchised' youth of today some feedback on how to fightback against a Republican dominated Democracy. Nonpartisan reading? Give me a break. If this woman and Goldberg got together and made a baby, they could name it something like Stalin, or Lenin, or Disaffected Black Youth...you know, something with a little ring to it.
The other books follow suit, you'll just have to take my word for it because I'm too fired up to write more about them. Read them if you want to, but I wouldn't necessarily put them on a recommended reading list.
Another of the most blatant mis-uses of the word 'nonpartisan' pertains to RTV's description of it's offical non-profit backers, or partners . I went through and just did a little bit of re-hee-hee-search on some of these so called nonpartisan non-profit organizations. Wouldn't you know it, most of these organizations are directly tied either to the Democratic/Socialist party, funds from either party, or the endorsement of said parties and their constituents. If I had all day, I could recount to you how seditious these groups are in their presuppositions of political neutrality. If you really want to look into it yourself, head on over to Discover the Network and check it out. Anyway, here are some highlights for you. This is unbelievable:
Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN):
ACORN drew national attention during the 2004 election campaign, when its get-out-the-vote activists turned up at the center of numerous reports of voter fraud, especially in the swing states of Ohio, Colorado, Missouri Pennsylvania, New Mexico and Minnesota. Election crimes allegedly perpetrated by activists from ACORN and from its front group Project Vote include, but are not limited to, the following:
•Falsifying thousands of voter registration forms, either by registering the same person multiple times or by registering deceased or imaginary people
•Hiring canvassers to collect registration forms from Democratic voters, while destroying those of Republican voters
•Registering convicted felons, even in states where felons are ineligible to vote (Meghan Clyne, "ACORN & the Money Tree: Taxpayer Money Helps Fund Voter Fraud," National Review Online, 31 October 2004; "ACORN: Voter Registration Fraud Allegations are Just the Tip of the Iceberg," PR Newswire, Employment Policies Institute, 13 October 2004)
Service Employees International Union (SEIU):
•Largest labor union in the AFL-CIO
•Committed $65 million to defeating President George W. Bush in the 2004 election
•Advocates government expansion for the purpose of coercing increased taxes for the public sector
•Gives millions of dollars to Democratic lawmakers and politicians who promote government expansion and higher taxes
•Union organizer Andrew Stern is the current president
League of Women Voters:
•Ostensibly nonpartisan organization that in fact supports the leftwing political agendas
•Supports abortion-on-demand
•Supports "motor-voter" registration, which allows anyone with a driver's license to become a voter, regardless of citizenship status
•Supports gun control, tax hikes, and socialized medicine
•Supports unrestricted immigration
Alliance for Justice
Founded in 1975 by Nan Aron, Alliance For Justice (AFJ) describes itself as "a national association of environmental, civil rights, mental health, women's, children's and consumer advocacy organizations." All of these member groups push leftwing agendas. AFJ believes "that the public's interest is best served when the policies of government result from a dialogue involving not just the decision-makers but also those whose lives are directly [a]ffected by such decisions." Since President Bush first took office, AFJ has deemed that the "public's best interest" requires the commissioning of an "independent judiciary," and to this end, the group has been systematically opposed to each and every one of President Bush's judicial appointments, despite their extensive qualifications. Alliance for Justice is an ideological organization dedicated to leftwing agendas and opposes Bush appointees because of their conservative ideology.
People for the American Way:
•Wages perennial smear campaigns against non-leftist judicial nominees
•Works in partnership with the Democratic Party
•Monitors activities of "right wing" groups
•Played key role in creating United For Peace and Justice
(Oh you want to know about United for Peace and Justice just for fun? OK!)
•Anti-American, anti-war coalition consisting of more than 800 local and national groups
•Co-chaired by committed Socialist and longtime activist Leslie Cagan
•"The Bush Administration has sought to use aggressive military action…to forcibly dominate the world and impose right-wing policies at home under the cover of fighting terrorism."
National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP):
•Ranked by the Capital Research Center as being ideologically near-radical in their leftist goals and agendas
•After being removed from office under allegations that he had pocketed over $60,000 from the coffers of the NAACP, former executive director Ben Chavis blames "forces outside the African American community" for his demise, prominent among which were "right-wing Jewish groups." Hmmmmmm.
I could go on and on and on and on people. The benefactors of RTV have an agenda to push and a fleece to pull over your eyes. No where in the litany of suggested readings and nonprofit partner organizations do you see a moderate, let alone Conservative representation. Never do you see conservative personalities in print, radio, or television campaigns with Rock the Vote. Coincidence? I think not. Essentially, conservatism has no place in the "get out the vote" strategy of Rock the Vote. RTV wants you to register to vote if you're going to vote Democrat, or if your ideals fall in line with their narrowminded view of the political process.
If you're sick now, wait until next time. You should SEE what Rock the Vote is doing with YOUR money!!
*(this probably merits a whole separate blog as to why the opinion of a celebrity is canonized among the leftist elite in this country. What more does Justin Timberlake or Leonardo DiCaprio know about voting than you or I? Probably nothing, if not less. Why do we deify these people's opinions, these who makes their living on depicting fiction and making it believable? Hmmm. I'd guess it's because un-reality is actually more exciting than real life, and also that RTV has failed in its mission to start a self-perpetuating youth mobilization towards more political activism. That's a stab in the dark, and also a digression)
** (VP Congressional Black Caucus Foundation, served as the Senior Resident Scholar for Health and Income Security at the National Urban League Institute for Opportunity and Equality, advisor to Mel Watt (D-NC) and Charles Rangel (D-NY), etc.)
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Let's get these wheels moving
Alright folks,
First and foremost I have to say that this whole new layout that you all see...that's all Keith. He did all of this stuff. I just kind of checked up on our blog this morning and was suprised to see that it looked, how shall I say it, legitimate. It may even be legitimate enough that you read what even I have to post about.
But seriously folks let's get cranking here. I know you've been waiting with bated breath to see if Keith and Andrew can actually pull off a thoughtful series of postings. I'm here to assure you that we can. As Keith mentioned earlier, I'm going to be trying my darndest to tear apart a long-standing, politically conscious non-profit organization in the United States of America. And I bet that you've guessed that I've got my crosshairs set on the proverbial soft underbelly of the non-partisan farce known to you and I as Rock the Vote . Before I completely destroy and embarass the Rock the Vote organization, let me first start off by telling you why on earth this idea came into my head at this point in time.
In the presidential election of 2004, I took up a beef with Sean "P-Diddy" (or "Puffy" or whatever) and his "non-partisan" Vote or Die campaign. Go ahead and check the website...it's completely inactive, of course. Not only was the campaign slogan mind-numbingly preposterous, the entire organization was predicated upon promoting awareness about how American youth can "change the course of this country" and "make a change now" and on and on and on (read: vote for John Kerry). If you're going to promote making a "change" in an election year, and you're an official sponsor of the Democratic Party (like MoveOnPAC.org) then that's fine...I think you have the right to speak your peace freely. But when you are organized by confessing Democrats, align your campaign stategy to suit a Democratic/leftist agenda, and encouage an implicit changing of the Republican guard, then you should in no way try to pass yourself off as non-partisan. It's disingenuous, it's farcical, and it's a lie. Fancy Democrats lying about something.
The same duplicity which draws my ire with "Vote or Die" also makes me seethe when I read about "Rock the Vote". RTV is a Democratic vote-generating machine...and anyone with half a brain knows it. I am one who values integrity in politics. Regardless of my political stance, I'm going to use my voice to support whoever has the most character, the most inegrity, and the most up-frontedness with their political aims. Anything less, to me, is unacceptable. Groups like Rock the Vote, with their feigned nonpartisan patina over a heart gushing leftist blood make me sick. That's what initially put a fire under my can to blog about the incongruencies of their organizational philosophy. And the fact that RTV is on the ropes financially and in the eyes of their supporters only further fuels my desire to kick this group while they are down. Yeah I said it...I'm kicking them while they are down.
In exposing the inherent liberal bias of the RTV camp I hope to make you incredibly angry. I hope that in exposing the insidious nature of their "nonpartisan" supporters/partners you feel outraged. I hope that when you see how a bunch of incompetent 20-something's managed to put a (at times) "successful" non-profit organization on the brink of financial collapse you are full of contempt. But most of all...I hope that through all of this blogging nonsense you see how impressionable American youth are these days. They'll accept anything that Jake Gyllenhall tells them to. They'll put fake tattoos on their face because Sam Jackson tells them that to. And what's worst...they will attempt to sway the path of this country because some myopic idealist tries to beguile them into voting for something that they don't even fully understand. Knowledge is power, my friends, and knowledge forged in integrity and truthfulness is a weapon powerful enough to stem the tide of liberal sheep-clothing-masquerades. Over the next week you're going to see indignant, fired up Andrew do what he does best...fight back. This time, it's against ROCK THE VOTE! Let's shut 'em down! Go!!
First and foremost I have to say that this whole new layout that you all see...that's all Keith. He did all of this stuff. I just kind of checked up on our blog this morning and was suprised to see that it looked, how shall I say it, legitimate. It may even be legitimate enough that you read what even I have to post about.
But seriously folks let's get cranking here. I know you've been waiting with bated breath to see if Keith and Andrew can actually pull off a thoughtful series of postings. I'm here to assure you that we can. As Keith mentioned earlier, I'm going to be trying my darndest to tear apart a long-standing, politically conscious non-profit organization in the United States of America. And I bet that you've guessed that I've got my crosshairs set on the proverbial soft underbelly of the non-partisan farce known to you and I as Rock the Vote . Before I completely destroy and embarass the Rock the Vote organization, let me first start off by telling you why on earth this idea came into my head at this point in time.
In the presidential election of 2004, I took up a beef with Sean "P-Diddy" (or "Puffy" or whatever) and his "non-partisan" Vote or Die campaign. Go ahead and check the website...it's completely inactive, of course. Not only was the campaign slogan mind-numbingly preposterous, the entire organization was predicated upon promoting awareness about how American youth can "change the course of this country" and "make a change now" and on and on and on (read: vote for John Kerry). If you're going to promote making a "change" in an election year, and you're an official sponsor of the Democratic Party (like MoveOnPAC.org) then that's fine...I think you have the right to speak your peace freely. But when you are organized by confessing Democrats, align your campaign stategy to suit a Democratic/leftist agenda, and encouage an implicit changing of the Republican guard, then you should in no way try to pass yourself off as non-partisan. It's disingenuous, it's farcical, and it's a lie. Fancy Democrats lying about something.
The same duplicity which draws my ire with "Vote or Die" also makes me seethe when I read about "Rock the Vote". RTV is a Democratic vote-generating machine...and anyone with half a brain knows it. I am one who values integrity in politics. Regardless of my political stance, I'm going to use my voice to support whoever has the most character, the most inegrity, and the most up-frontedness with their political aims. Anything less, to me, is unacceptable. Groups like Rock the Vote, with their feigned nonpartisan patina over a heart gushing leftist blood make me sick. That's what initially put a fire under my can to blog about the incongruencies of their organizational philosophy. And the fact that RTV is on the ropes financially and in the eyes of their supporters only further fuels my desire to kick this group while they are down. Yeah I said it...I'm kicking them while they are down.
In exposing the inherent liberal bias of the RTV camp I hope to make you incredibly angry. I hope that in exposing the insidious nature of their "nonpartisan" supporters/partners you feel outraged. I hope that when you see how a bunch of incompetent 20-something's managed to put a (at times) "successful" non-profit organization on the brink of financial collapse you are full of contempt. But most of all...I hope that through all of this blogging nonsense you see how impressionable American youth are these days. They'll accept anything that Jake Gyllenhall tells them to. They'll put fake tattoos on their face because Sam Jackson tells them that to. And what's worst...they will attempt to sway the path of this country because some myopic idealist tries to beguile them into voting for something that they don't even fully understand. Knowledge is power, my friends, and knowledge forged in integrity and truthfulness is a weapon powerful enough to stem the tide of liberal sheep-clothing-masquerades. Over the next week you're going to see indignant, fired up Andrew do what he does best...fight back. This time, it's against ROCK THE VOTE! Let's shut 'em down! Go!!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
We're Back!
Well we're sort of back. You'll notice a new format here obviously. Just some new colors to kind of keep things so fresh and so clean clean. We've given you all a little easily accessible information about ourselves. One of the complaints we often had from the most basic of readers is that you could not tell who was posting what articles.
If you see now you can see that Andrew's moniker and mine. So just check the bottom of each post and you'll see who is writing with a friendly reminder down the side of who is who.
Drew and I have decided a new format for our blogs. We each are going to take on serious topics from several angles. It will go in a rotating manner. So for example Andrew may decide that Rock the Vote sucks. He wants to blog about it. He will have a week to complete his blog, or blogs. By giving a week we will hopefully accomplish several things:
1.) Shorter blogs more often. (Our readers have short attention spans apparently)
2.) Time to research our blogs. (While Andrew writes for a week, I can think about my blog for the following week)
3.) A mix of serious well-researched blogs and fun ones as well. (I can not only cover statistically why Rock the Vote blows but can go on a rant one day as well)
So you can expect to learn a little along the way and laugh a bit along the way.
Keep in mind, we do both have jobs, but this should enable us to post with more regularity and not always about things like Ikea or Karnov. Although our Ikea blogs was one of Andrew's better ones. Ah what the heck, I'll link it for you Make sure you check out some of his pictures. Great work Drew! So come back next week for exciting new blog about whatever gets Andrew's ire up!
If you see now you can see that Andrew's moniker and mine. So just check the bottom of each post and you'll see who is writing with a friendly reminder down the side of who is who.
Drew and I have decided a new format for our blogs. We each are going to take on serious topics from several angles. It will go in a rotating manner. So for example Andrew may decide that Rock the Vote sucks. He wants to blog about it. He will have a week to complete his blog, or blogs. By giving a week we will hopefully accomplish several things:
1.) Shorter blogs more often. (Our readers have short attention spans apparently)
2.) Time to research our blogs. (While Andrew writes for a week, I can think about my blog for the following week)
3.) A mix of serious well-researched blogs and fun ones as well. (I can not only cover statistically why Rock the Vote blows but can go on a rant one day as well)
So you can expect to learn a little along the way and laugh a bit along the way.
Keep in mind, we do both have jobs, but this should enable us to post with more regularity and not always about things like Ikea or Karnov. Although our Ikea blogs was one of Andrew's better ones. Ah what the heck, I'll link it for you Make sure you check out some of his pictures. Great work Drew! So come back next week for exciting new blog about whatever gets Andrew's ire up!
Sunday, March 05, 2006
I know things are under construction...
...but I cannot pass over this unbelievable, unconscionable, stupefying story. Just read this. More substantial blogs will follow I swear.
(as taken from Smartlyrics.com )
[Chorus 2X: Shug - singing] + (Djay)You know it's hard out here for a pimp (you ain't knowin)When he tryin to get this money for the rent (you ain't knowin)For the Cadillacs and gas money spent (you ain't knowin)[1] Because a whole lot of bitches talkin shit (you ain't knowin)[2] Will have a whole lot of bitches talkin shit (you ain't knowin)
[Djay]In my eyes I done seen some crazy thangs in the streets. Gotta couple hoes workin on the changes for me. But I gotta keep my game tight like Kobe on game night. Like takin from a ho don't know no better, I know that ain't right. Done seen people killed, done seen people deal. Done seen people live in poverty with no meals. It's fucked up where I live, but that's just how it is. It might be new to you, but it's been like this for years. It's blood sweat and tears when it come down to this shit. I'm tryin to get rich 'fore I leave up out this bitch. I'm tryin to have thangs but it's hard fo' a pimp. But I'm prayin and I'm hopin to God I don't slip, yeah
[Chorus]
[Djay]Man it seems like I'm duckin dodgin bullets everyday. Niggaz hatin on me cause I got, hoes on the tray. But I gotta stay paid, gotta stay above water. Couldn't keep up with my hoes, that's when shit got harder. North Memphis where I'm from, I'm 7th Street bound. Where niggaz all the time end up lost and never found. Man these girls think we prove thangs, leave a big head. They come hopin every night, they don't end up bein dead. Wait I got a snow bunny, and a black girl too. You pay the right price and they'll both do you. That's the way the game goes, gotta keep it strictly pimpin. Gotta have my hustle tight, makin change off these women, yeah
[Chorus]
Just so you know, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences deems "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" by the 3-6 Mafia the best song written for a movie. This song was (which was most likely composed under a blue-ish gray haze) composed by throwing a handful of resampled music clips together, and laying some basic beats behind them. To compose a song of the caliper of "It's Hard Out Here...", you might need to spend the better part of an hour being tutored on how to use a mixing board...but that's about it. You don't need to know how to sing, how to rhyme, how to compose a musical score, or even how to perform well. The song, about a pimp who treats women like refuse, is the best song for a motion picture according to the Academy.
I know this is the Academy Awards and that there's a built in "this-makes-me-sick" factor inherent in the ceremony, but this travesty takes me want to induce reverse peristalsis. I might never turn on a television again. Am I off-base in assuming that this is a sign of a pending apocolypse? God help us all.
(as taken from Smartlyrics.com )
[Chorus 2X: Shug - singing] + (Djay)You know it's hard out here for a pimp (you ain't knowin)When he tryin to get this money for the rent (you ain't knowin)For the Cadillacs and gas money spent (you ain't knowin)[1] Because a whole lot of bitches talkin shit (you ain't knowin)[2] Will have a whole lot of bitches talkin shit (you ain't knowin)
[Djay]In my eyes I done seen some crazy thangs in the streets. Gotta couple hoes workin on the changes for me. But I gotta keep my game tight like Kobe on game night. Like takin from a ho don't know no better, I know that ain't right. Done seen people killed, done seen people deal. Done seen people live in poverty with no meals. It's fucked up where I live, but that's just how it is. It might be new to you, but it's been like this for years. It's blood sweat and tears when it come down to this shit. I'm tryin to get rich 'fore I leave up out this bitch. I'm tryin to have thangs but it's hard fo' a pimp. But I'm prayin and I'm hopin to God I don't slip, yeah
[Chorus]
[Djay]Man it seems like I'm duckin dodgin bullets everyday. Niggaz hatin on me cause I got, hoes on the tray. But I gotta stay paid, gotta stay above water. Couldn't keep up with my hoes, that's when shit got harder. North Memphis where I'm from, I'm 7th Street bound. Where niggaz all the time end up lost and never found. Man these girls think we prove thangs, leave a big head. They come hopin every night, they don't end up bein dead. Wait I got a snow bunny, and a black girl too. You pay the right price and they'll both do you. That's the way the game goes, gotta keep it strictly pimpin. Gotta have my hustle tight, makin change off these women, yeah
[Chorus]
Just so you know, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences deems "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" by the 3-6 Mafia the best song written for a movie. This song was (which was most likely composed under a blue-ish gray haze) composed by throwing a handful of resampled music clips together, and laying some basic beats behind them. To compose a song of the caliper of "It's Hard Out Here...", you might need to spend the better part of an hour being tutored on how to use a mixing board...but that's about it. You don't need to know how to sing, how to rhyme, how to compose a musical score, or even how to perform well. The song, about a pimp who treats women like refuse, is the best song for a motion picture according to the Academy.
I know this is the Academy Awards and that there's a built in "this-makes-me-sick" factor inherent in the ceremony, but this travesty takes me want to induce reverse peristalsis. I might never turn on a television again. Am I off-base in assuming that this is a sign of a pending apocolypse? God help us all.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Does Blogging Ever Get Stale?
You bet blogging gets stale! It's bound to happen when the internet is saturated with blogs and bloggers. You all have experienced it. You're bored out of your skull so you go to the internet favorites folder called blogs. You scroll through it, realizing 6 of your 7 friends haven't updated their blog recently. The one friend that has really is just linking you to some foxnews story and summarizing it in a witty manner with some fairly obvious observation. We've all been there.
No one comments. The same story stares you in the face. The color scheme never changes. Oh your friend may have put a fun picture in there. Maybe they went balls to the wall and put a poll on the side. But it's the same old crap. A cute story about Ikea here. Some lonely single girl asking why she can't get a date there. Some right wing fascist nut job telling you why recycling blows.
Is this your life? Well if it is I tell you to take a break from visiting Keith and Andrew Fight Back! Blogs about nintendo games, sports, and the right wing driving you crazy. Well, us too! We're kind of tired of our own blog. Now for those of you who have read this far, don't panic. We're not going to retire. You can all exhale now ... huge sigh of relief I know.
Instead Drew and I plan on scrapping the site for a bit, trying to revamp it, and coming back better than ever. We're going to change this boring as sin color scheme and hopefully I'll put some effort into learning how to do cool crap to the site. We'll get rid of the same lame tired google ads on the side ... we're never making money ... I know. And we're coming back strong.
I can't tell you what we plan to come back with in specific, but know this ... Rock The Vote is about to file for bankruptcy. This organization that claims to be unbiased and interested in registering young people to vote ... yeah their corrupt reign may soon come to an end. Crap! I've already said too much. So enjoy a week or too off, and come see us again in the near future!
Until then ... rock fist!
No one comments. The same story stares you in the face. The color scheme never changes. Oh your friend may have put a fun picture in there. Maybe they went balls to the wall and put a poll on the side. But it's the same old crap. A cute story about Ikea here. Some lonely single girl asking why she can't get a date there. Some right wing fascist nut job telling you why recycling blows.
Is this your life? Well if it is I tell you to take a break from visiting Keith and Andrew Fight Back! Blogs about nintendo games, sports, and the right wing driving you crazy. Well, us too! We're kind of tired of our own blog. Now for those of you who have read this far, don't panic. We're not going to retire. You can all exhale now ... huge sigh of relief I know.
Instead Drew and I plan on scrapping the site for a bit, trying to revamp it, and coming back better than ever. We're going to change this boring as sin color scheme and hopefully I'll put some effort into learning how to do cool crap to the site. We'll get rid of the same lame tired google ads on the side ... we're never making money ... I know. And we're coming back strong.
I can't tell you what we plan to come back with in specific, but know this ... Rock The Vote is about to file for bankruptcy. This organization that claims to be unbiased and interested in registering young people to vote ... yeah their corrupt reign may soon come to an end. Crap! I've already said too much. So enjoy a week or too off, and come see us again in the near future!
Until then ... rock fist!
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Everything I Ever Needed to Know in Life I Learned from KARNOV!!
So I was sitting around the dinner table with Keith and (I think) Robbie Wright the other night regailing one another with tales about what we had been doing at work. Keith has been planning some travel and entering information into the most cracked out computer information synthesizer ever, aka Dreamweaver. Robbie has been somewhat involved in peddling kids' clothes at Baby Gap , but mostly he stocks the shelves and hides his secret Rock n Roll identity from the world. Of course the conversation naturally shifts to me. As my friends wait with Bated breath to hear what earth shattering task consumes most of my time at work, I announce finally that "I've been playing Karnov a lot". Yep...Karnov!!
For those of you who don't know what Karnov is, you can click on the link in the title of this blog. It will take you about 15 minutes to read through the synopsis of this epochal NES title, but it will help you understand where on earth this blog goes. For those of you who want the brief rundown of what Karnov is about, it's essentially like this: Some fat Russian dude runs around these torn down cities and towns, shooting fireballs at mystical creatures as he fights his way to the final quest. Think about how sweet that sounds...it's pretty sweet.
The whole point of the game is to...WAIT, I'm not going to tell you that right this second. See, as I was playing Karnov, I realized some ingenuity behind the story line. While one may think that the plot is vague and irrelevant, it actually serves to form the background for one of the greatest video game analogies ever. Are you ready for this? Karnov is an analogous to actual real Life! Let me explain, because that's really what this blog is about.
Throughout the game, Karnov, our protagonist, is assaulted on all sides by a wide variety of enemies. The enemies range anywhere from ornery pillaging pirates to immense T-Rex's. The enemies come in all shapes and sizes, and they always strike at the most inopportune moments. The ferocity of the enemies also varies. Whereas if I shoot a bat with one fireball he blows up, it takes me 5 fireballs to kill a gargoyle. And the Gargoyle shoots little balls at me too! So as you can see, the enemies are all different. Here we see the FIRST of many parallels to real life. In life, whether you are a fat circuis strong man or not, you face problems of all varieties. Maybe you have to deal with an ornery co-worker, or have to let someone cut you off in traffic (a pesky annoyance not altogether different from trying to shoot a bat with a fireball). Or maybe you have more difficult tasks to handle-a demotion in work, a boy/girlfriend breaking your heart, or getting into a car wreck because that douchebag didn't signal into your lane and slammed into you. But through the arduous or the mundane, you triumph...you shoot your fireballs of determination and will and you conquer that task, er villain eventually.
But sometimes in life, your problems aren't so easy that they can be easily defeated by (let's call them) fireballs of determination! Sometimes life hits you with the jumping mer-man of all problems! You've probably guessed that I'm hinting at the mini-bosses at the end of each level. As Karnov slugs his way through Babylonia, Water World, uhh Air World, and others, he eventually comes to a boss which he has to defeat (inset left). Look at that boss! He's a jumping mer-man who throws green balls at you out of his satchel of evil. Dang! But no matter how big the boss, it's always in Karnov's best interest to use one of his special items to help him defeat the boss.
As Karnov travles through each level, with its mini boss perpetually awaiting him at the end, he picks up special items along the way. He can get boots that help him jump, a mask that does nothing, a bomb that blows up 5-fireball-gargoyles in one hit, a neat looking shield, etc. Again, we see a parallel to real life. As we deal with the trials of life, we gain skills that help us cope. We grow in our faith, we learn how to develop mental and emotional fortitude, we learn how to defend ourselves against being taken advantage of, etc. These are only experiences that can come from adversity. As Karnov often has to take the path laden with more enemies to get that Shield icon, in the end it's worth it...because the shield is arguably the best special item.
And when should you use your shield? When the mer-man is throwing big green balls at you! The items that you earn to ultimately help you beat that tough mini-boss are invaluable. So are the experiences and times of personal growth that come through life's toughest adversities. As you've probably guessed by now, the jumping mer-man tosser and other bosses like him (the TRex, a 2 headed dragon, medusa, and a lion!) really represent the big trials in our life. They seem like trials that no one can weather, and in all reality they may actually kill you (I died about a hundred times trying to beat the 2-headed dragon). Keeping your head high, and keeping your chin set like a flint against the torrent of such trials prepares you to take on that one big trial that makes you a better person (and lets you get to the level where you get to use your Wing icon...what a sweet level!)!*
You've seen now that I've made 3 allusions to real life from the video game Karnov. Another neat allusion relates to how the enemies appear throughout the game. If you've ever played any video game in your life, you know that as you advance to higher levels the enemies get tougher to beat. Video games are very predictable like that. However in Karnov, on any given level you can fight any random assortment of enemies. There's no real rhyme or reason to how many enemies you fight, what type of enemies you fight, or even which miniboss you fight (not including the last boss)! I think I fought mer-man 3 times, medusa 2 times, the 2 headed dragon 2 times, and some old guy with a lion once. And guess what? there are a total of 9 levels! Sometimes you may be lolly-gagging through a level and BAM Medusa shows up right in the middle!! "WHA?! I didn't anticipate that!" you wind up screaming at your computer screen much to the chagrin of your co-workers. But that's just IT ladies and gents. Just as Karnov can never take for granted what's going to be thrown his way, and just as he can't sit on his haunches and predict that the flying yoda thing is always going to come at him in level 2, so too can we who are actually real humans never predict all of the trials and misfortunes which will inevitably plague our lives. We need to be ever vigilant, always seeking to be prepared for whatever life circumstance in which we find ourselves engrossed.
As Karnov himself would say, "Жизнь никогда не предсказуемый ..., используют ваш щит и скачущие ботинки!!" I could not agree more. But when the fight is over, and the game has been beaten, what is a noble warrior's reward? What is it that he finally accomplishes through his quest?
Treasure!
Or so you think. The picture above was taken from the victory scene in an arcade version of Karnov. Do you know what happens when you beat the entire Karnov video game on Nintendo? NOTHING! Literally, nothing happens. You get a black screen with the words "The End. Congratulations!" At the end of Karnov you realize that there was never really any point to the game. You don't save a princess, you don't stop a pestilential darkness from overtaking Russia, you don't even get a handsome reward. You beat the game...that's it. There's no cheezy Nintendo cut scene with Karnov awkwardly tossing gold dabloons on his fat, bald, 8-bit head. There's not even a fanfare postlude. You get nothing. At the end of Karnov you realize that there was never really any point to the game. It's at this point in the allegory that Karnov ceases to be a direct parallel to real life, and actually it becomes a 'choose your own adventure' novel . You can continue to see Karnov to its full allegorical ending...that life has no meaning, is fraught with trials and tribulations, and ultimately is vanity-a chasing after the wind. You sentimental existentialists out there are fervently nodding your heads and are already looking for Karnov on ebay (ps I HATE ebay that's why I'm not giving them the satisfaction of having an actual link in my blog).
OR!!!
If you choose, you break with the allegory that I have thus far proposed and make of life what you will. Maybe you see treasure in the end. Maybe you see that the treasure is actually finding out what on earth the Mask icon is used for. Maybe you see your life as a divine theatrical performance. I don't know what you see as the purpose of your life. And I'm not here to tell you what life is or is not about. All I know is that I was struck by how Karnov, the video game, is like life. How life strikes you is your decision.
*Author's note: I'd like to make a parallel here about how having others around you, who support and encourage you makes facing life's trials easier. But Karnov doesn't provide that outlet. Karnov pulls himself up by his bootstraps and don't no one come to help him out when he's down in the dumps. In the vein of typical Russian machismo, Karnov shoulders the burden of the world on his own shoulders. Sorry kids.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
I Didn't Get Dumped This Year
So as you all know ... the Pittsburgh Steelers are stinking Super Bowl Champions!!!! If you read my earlier blog I compared it to getting dumped by your girlfriend. This year I didn't get dumped. I actually went to the game, and it was phenomenal. There's so much to say about it, but I have a few sweet thoughts about the Super Bowl. So I'm going to tackle them a few thoughts at a time.
The game was awesome. It took us an hour and a half to get into the stadium as they had the area blocked off for about a square mile. We had to wait in a line about a mile long. We snaked through all kinds of metal railings and then through a pat down and metal detector. Outside the stadium it was like 150 to one in terms of Steelers fans to Hawks fans. We got in at about 3 and spent the next 7 hours in there. The stadium was electric. Nothing like bullet points so here we go:
1.) Aaron Neville sucked with the national anthem. The rest was sweet.
2.) ABC must have muted the crowd for TV. After watching the MVP part on Tivo Tom Brady was booed a lot louder at the game and Franco and Swann got much louder cheers. ABC did something. Even the half time show was sweeter with more energy and noise. It sucked on TV, but was ok live.
3.) Sloppy first half was fairly interesting since it was close and fans were into it.
4.) The Willie Parker play happened right in front of us and was so freaking cool. The crowd became infinitely more cool after that play since they loosened up.
5.) Freddie Prinze Jr. asked us Super Bowl trivia questions during TV timeouts while you got commercials. I don't care how bad the commercials were ... I lost there. There's no way I will watch his stupid show on ABC.
6.) We had two Seahawks fans behind us. Really annoying before the game, but they had, "That Look" on their face after the game. That Look being the one I've had on my face before during AFC Championship games. I had purposely been reaching in front of him all game to another younger Steeler fan for high fives. I felt pretty badly at the end, so I tried to console him.
7.) I got a pseudo-attractive forty year old lady to rub my stomach and my lucky 1995 shirt all game. I was pretty pumped about that.
8.) The end of the game was so surreal. It seemed like the trophy presentation was about 3 minutes. I just kept sitting there crying. I had tears streaming down my face while hugging and high fiving everyone. I just kept looking the fans in the face and saying, "We're the effing champs." I asked, "What song do we sing now? Here We Go doesn't work anymore." I kept asking if it was real and hugging people while just soaking it all. The confetti was for us and the thirty-one other teams were all crappier than we were. It felt great.
9.) Nothing like pouring out of the stadium afterward and high fiving every fan in the street in black and gold. Singing we are the Champions, Here we Go, and Na na na na hey hey hey good bye. It was so sweet. I just kept yelling, skipping, and dancing through the twenty degree night. I paid 30 dollars for a black Super Bowl Champion shirt with yellow lettering that I wore yesterday and today and plan on wearing all week. It was so unreal sweet.
10.) I'm starting to get pissed at Sports talk radio, opinion shows, and 24 hour coverage. People just say stuff to make stories, get people pissed, and tuning in and listening. Colin Cowherd said today that he wouldn't recognize a Super Bowl champion. He would just go by the Patriots winning the last one and trying to three-peat next year. That's JUST RIDICULOUS! If I punch you in the face, and there is video evidence of it, but you think it was the wrong thing to happen, you can't just say it never happened. It did. So eff you Cowherd. I'm never listening to your show again. Why he can't talk about Randle El's sweet throw or Willie actually breaking a big run is beyond me! Instead they drum up controversy, knowing it will piss off Steeler Nation (who were out in strong force) and they'd call in and his show would be better. So I think the fact that the officiating was bad has been BLOWN OUT OF THE WATER by stinking ESPN shows.
11.) Due to this I'm starting to boycott opinion shows. You can find something to gripe about in every game. I've yelled about the Patriots sucking for years and being lame champions. But from now on I'm only going to listen to minimal amounts of ESPN and coverage like that. So those are my thoughts. I'm able to enjoy the Championship because I wasn't tainted from the get-go by hearing how bad the calls were. I look at them and think they're exaggerating a bit for a story. I think we did what we had to do. It's just like a regular season when you win a lot of close one's ... like our 15-1 year last year. We won some ugly close ones ... but a win's a win. Way to suck Seahawks.
All-in-all it was easily the best day of my life up until this point. The Steelers are Super Bowl Champions and I went all the way!!!!
The game was awesome. It took us an hour and a half to get into the stadium as they had the area blocked off for about a square mile. We had to wait in a line about a mile long. We snaked through all kinds of metal railings and then through a pat down and metal detector. Outside the stadium it was like 150 to one in terms of Steelers fans to Hawks fans. We got in at about 3 and spent the next 7 hours in there. The stadium was electric. Nothing like bullet points so here we go:
1.) Aaron Neville sucked with the national anthem. The rest was sweet.
2.) ABC must have muted the crowd for TV. After watching the MVP part on Tivo Tom Brady was booed a lot louder at the game and Franco and Swann got much louder cheers. ABC did something. Even the half time show was sweeter with more energy and noise. It sucked on TV, but was ok live.
3.) Sloppy first half was fairly interesting since it was close and fans were into it.
4.) The Willie Parker play happened right in front of us and was so freaking cool. The crowd became infinitely more cool after that play since they loosened up.
5.) Freddie Prinze Jr. asked us Super Bowl trivia questions during TV timeouts while you got commercials. I don't care how bad the commercials were ... I lost there. There's no way I will watch his stupid show on ABC.
6.) We had two Seahawks fans behind us. Really annoying before the game, but they had, "That Look" on their face after the game. That Look being the one I've had on my face before during AFC Championship games. I had purposely been reaching in front of him all game to another younger Steeler fan for high fives. I felt pretty badly at the end, so I tried to console him.
7.) I got a pseudo-attractive forty year old lady to rub my stomach and my lucky 1995 shirt all game. I was pretty pumped about that.
8.) The end of the game was so surreal. It seemed like the trophy presentation was about 3 minutes. I just kept sitting there crying. I had tears streaming down my face while hugging and high fiving everyone. I just kept looking the fans in the face and saying, "We're the effing champs." I asked, "What song do we sing now? Here We Go doesn't work anymore." I kept asking if it was real and hugging people while just soaking it all. The confetti was for us and the thirty-one other teams were all crappier than we were. It felt great.
9.) Nothing like pouring out of the stadium afterward and high fiving every fan in the street in black and gold. Singing we are the Champions, Here we Go, and Na na na na hey hey hey good bye. It was so sweet. I just kept yelling, skipping, and dancing through the twenty degree night. I paid 30 dollars for a black Super Bowl Champion shirt with yellow lettering that I wore yesterday and today and plan on wearing all week. It was so unreal sweet.
10.) I'm starting to get pissed at Sports talk radio, opinion shows, and 24 hour coverage. People just say stuff to make stories, get people pissed, and tuning in and listening. Colin Cowherd said today that he wouldn't recognize a Super Bowl champion. He would just go by the Patriots winning the last one and trying to three-peat next year. That's JUST RIDICULOUS! If I punch you in the face, and there is video evidence of it, but you think it was the wrong thing to happen, you can't just say it never happened. It did. So eff you Cowherd. I'm never listening to your show again. Why he can't talk about Randle El's sweet throw or Willie actually breaking a big run is beyond me! Instead they drum up controversy, knowing it will piss off Steeler Nation (who were out in strong force) and they'd call in and his show would be better. So I think the fact that the officiating was bad has been BLOWN OUT OF THE WATER by stinking ESPN shows.
11.) Due to this I'm starting to boycott opinion shows. You can find something to gripe about in every game. I've yelled about the Patriots sucking for years and being lame champions. But from now on I'm only going to listen to minimal amounts of ESPN and coverage like that. So those are my thoughts. I'm able to enjoy the Championship because I wasn't tainted from the get-go by hearing how bad the calls were. I look at them and think they're exaggerating a bit for a story. I think we did what we had to do. It's just like a regular season when you win a lot of close one's ... like our 15-1 year last year. We won some ugly close ones ... but a win's a win. Way to suck Seahawks.
All-in-all it was easily the best day of my life up until this point. The Steelers are Super Bowl Champions and I went all the way!!!!
Monday, February 06, 2006
The 7 People you Meet in Heaven...er, Louisville.
Louisville, where are you? Let's look at you better...Ahhh there are you my harlot friend! The denizon of citizens who haunt thy streets is legion! I just got back from a 48 hour spat in Louisville. While there I fought off a blistering cold front (fortunately I planned ahead and packed only some Birkenstocks and a long sleeve tshirt to brave the weather. It turns out that Louisville has winter too...who'd a thunkit?), came face to face with the bitter mistress of sheer boredom, and confronted the spectre of Kin-tucky ignorance on just about every corner. Being someone who thrives on social contact, going to downtown Louisville without any friends seemed, to me, to be one of the more odious tasks that I would encounter in February. Everywhere you go in downtown Louisville there's something to do, provided you are not a loser and have friends. Because I have no friends in Louisville, I decided that I would try to make some while I was there. Whereas I flew into Louisville friendless and alone, I left Louisville with many new social contacts! Some of you may call these people dullards; some will call them deadbeats; some will call them boorish; and some will call them drunkards. I, however, call these new social contacts...friends. And through the art of the weblog, you are going to get to know a little bit about some of my new friends.
First...meet SEAN!!
Ok technically Sean isn't from Louisville...he's actually from Pittsburgh. And I didn't meet him in Louisville, I met him in Pittsburgh while our plane taxied out onto the runway. Sean works for NFL films, and is generally a cool dude. Sean is great because everyone has a friend like Sean. He's the guy in your social circle who has geek-chic glasses, always totes his I-pod aroud with him bopping his head up and down to the latest College Rock band that you've never heard of. He's the guy in your social circle who says stuff like "that's righteous", "right on man, right on", and "Hey man, it's cool...it's coooooool". Sean was a blast to talk to, and you could read him like an open book. He's got his struggles- he's been married for 5 years and is likely running headlong into a divorce. He's the guy who never really grew up, but managed to take his jois de vivre and turn it into a career...FILMING FOOTBALL GAMES! Sean was on his way to the SuperBowl to help film all the day's festivities. On a scale of 1 to 5, I give Sean a friend rating of 4.
NEXT MEET JACKIE!!!!!
Jackie...oh you rascal! Jackie was the bartender at the Red Star Tavern on 4th St. in Louisville. She was a really cool chick, espousing the stereotypical "hey sugar!"s and "there you go sweetheart"s that every good bartender with a Southern lilt should espouse. Jackie made my friend list for a number of reasons. 1) I belly'ed up to the bar with a book in my hand (relax it was before 10 O'clock at night...brining a book to read at the bar is totally legit if it's not during prime time) and proceeded to place the book face down in front of me. Jackie cruises over and is like "Hey sugar what can I get for you? Oh hey!" flips book over and says, "OH C.S Lewis...good for you man, Lewis is a great writer". BLAO a bartender who is familiar with CSLewis? Get outta here! I was impressed. 2) Jackie has this HUGE tattoo right on her chest (and of course her shirt was cut low enough so you could see it I mean I didn't look Carly I promise! Let me rephrase)...er, I HEARD Jackie had a huge tattoo on her chest. But it wasn't a slutty rose or butterfly or some other tartfully placed tattoo hovering just adjacent to the center of Jackie's boob. Her tattoo was RIGHT in the middle of her chest, and it was about the size of both of my fists clenched side by side. The tattoo said somehing about 'one love' and had a big rose in the middle and some kind of weird temple and I don't know what all else. But she said it was supposed to be dedicated to her mom and I can respect that. I mean who of us hasn't thought about getting something reminiscent of our mother tattooed on our chest?
Anyway, Jackie, 3/5 on the friend scale. We didn't get to talk a whole lot because, well, she was at work. But she was a heck of a nice girl.
I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA WANNA MEET JIM!!!
Jim is a bouncer at Howl at the Moon on 4th St. in Louisville. I waltzed into HATM, a rowdy piano bar, at the most unrowdy time of the day-8:00pm. As I looked inside to see what was going on, this big burly dude came walking over to me. If you've ever seen "Remember the Titans", Jim kind of looks like that big white guy who sings all those Motown hits and gets hated on by the other white guy who Denzel Washington calls Jerry Lewis. You know what I'm talking about. Anyway Jim is a bruiser. He also looks like his name could be one of the following: Bruiser, Brutus, Ched, Roy, Spike, Tiny, or any other random character who you might see in Nintendo's 'Final Fight' the video game. Now that you've got an aesthetic model of Jim in your mind, you can imagine I was a little disturbed to see him lumbering my way (looking very hungry). He asked if I was coming in, and I asked him why no one was at the bar. He told me that HATM doesn't get rowdy until about 10:00pm (again, primetime).
As he regaled me with the tales of drunken crowds all singing along with the two piano players, clanking their classes together and making general fools of themselves, I couldn't help but think that Howl at the Moon was kind of like Pirates of the Caribbean! It turns out that it's nothing like Pirates of the Caribbean. But I digress. Jim and I chatted for a bit about sweet it was so get drunk and sing along with popular music hits set to piano music and profanity when he noticed that I (once again) had brought my C.S. Lewis book into HATM. "Hey...didn't that guy write that book about the uh...lion, and the wardrobe or something" stammered Jim. Of course he did, Jim!! So Jim and I talked about C.S. Lewis for a bit: Yes I've read the Chronicles of Narnia, yes they are great books, no this isn't one of the books in the series, no Lewis didn't write just children's books, but the bulk of his works deal with philosophical and theological issues that wrack the minds of men, etc. etc.
After a couple of seconds of head nodding and "Yeah, well's" Jim says to me "Yeah well you should definitely come back later. It's going to be really crazy tonight. You can just come on in". It is on this last phrase on which I linger, beause after 8:00pm you can't just come in to HATM, as I found out later. I came back around 10:00 to see the rabble rousing pirates, I mean patrons, sing along with the piano men, but was told by a rather burly bouncer that "HEY YOU HAVE TO PAY COVER TO COME IN HERE!" I was a bit befuddled by said bouncer's rudeness, but as I stood there eyeing him up, Jim comes waddling over and tells the other bouncer "No this guy's cool. Come on in, man!" It was like I was VIP, and all I did was talk to Jim for like 10 minutes. Anyway, that gesture of kindness rocketed Jim to a 5/5 on the friend scale. In case you are wondering how my adventure into HATM sans friends went, shortly after entering the den of iniquity I was paralyzed by terrible stomach pain and had to retire for the evening. I'm attributing the pain to a physical manifestation of either the Holy Spirit's disdain (Baptists are nodding their heads here) or something else...I don't know what.
Anyway I'm going to have to continue this blog later because I just got my T SHIRT AND CD FROM MAYLENE AND THE SONS OF DISASTER AND I NEED TO GO SLAM MY NECK!!!!
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
The Impotence in Being Earnest
No this isn't a blog about a play that you read in AP English, whose title I have obviously misspelled. But buckle in and get ready to read the first legitimate blog I've dropped in a while.
Yesterday evening I flew in to terrible Pittsbugh, PA from the sunny climes of Central Florida. For thsoe of you who don't know, I grew up in Miami, Florida. Even though I left Miami almost 10 years ago, I still consider it my home. Most of my family lives in Florida, I still have a number of close friends in Florida, and my stomach still flips over with happiness whenever I'm on a plane that touches down on a runway in Florida. The sights, the smells, the warm breeze that always seems to be floating through the air-everything about Florida appeals to every part of me. The experience of going back to Florida, for me, is akin to that feeling of walking into your parents house after that first bout with college finals-instantly everything feels safe, feels calm, feels welcoming. I know it seems to be uber-sentimental, but I swear that when I touch down in Florida the palm trees wave to me, welcoming me back. And when I leave, they sway their arms in the most exaggerated goodbye that never abates in intensity until they are far out of eyesight. It's like when I go to Florida I check the weight of my cares at the airport, and when I return I pick them up right where I dropped them off. This time back, though, someone piled up more baggage for me to take back.
I went down to Florida just for a few days to wish my grandmother a happy 80th birthday. While I'm sure that Grandma would love to have a slew of grandchildren fly down to see her on her birthday, the fact is that Grandma only has 4 grandkids: me and my brother and 2 sisters. So on this mission to Florida I was the unofficial emissary of goodwill from all the grandchildren...all 4 of them. My mom has 2 sisters, none of whome have kids but both of whom have failed marriages (which when you combine and average out the length of my aunts' first marriages, I think they total roughly 2 years). It's gotta be kind of sad for my Grandma to only have 4 grandkids. It's gotta be even sadder for her that one of her daughters (not my mom) still lives with her, works at Wal-Mart on the midnight shift, has no friends, and weighs roughly as much as a small elephant. I kid you not. This is where my blog starts for real.
My aunt, is for all intents and purposes, worthless. She doesn't produce offspring. She doesn't contribute to her local community. She doesn't better others with scintillating wit in conversation. She doesn't go to church and has essentially abandoned her faith...not because something incredibly traumatizing or disenchanting happened to her, but because she is too lazy to keep up. She doesn't exercise or maintain a semblance of a healthy lifestyle. She doesn't even give my Grandma a meagre check for rent. All my aunt does is consume...she's like a parasite. She consumes, I'm going to guess, roughly 5 times the daily caloric intake that humans should consume. She consumes my Grandma's money (and my inheritance?) and wastes it on things like going out to eat, impulse purchases on QVC, and tattoos of Tigger.
(author's note: Yeah you heard me right...my aunt has at least 7 Tigger tattoos. I dated a girl once who was unfortunate enough to find herself in a room alone with my aunt who was in the mood to show off her body art. While this girl and I eventually broke up in a not so conspicuous (or mature) display of fireworks, I do feel eternally sorry that the image of my Aunt Heiffer with no shirt on will be forever burned into her brain. Honestly!)
Basically my aunt is terrible. I know I throw that term around, but it's completely applicable to my aunt.
The purpose of this blog isn't to complain that I had to spend 5 days with a woman who is the spitting image of what a lack of self control/esteem should look like. The purpose is to pose a series of questions. How can you communicate to someone that they need to change when they don't want to hear it? How do you bring to light that someone is failing at life when they've put up psychological blocks that blind them to the truth? How do you earnestly try to care for family members who don't care about themselves? How do you resolve the feeling that you know you should love your family members with the reality that you can't stand being around them? These are questions that I've wrestled with over the past few days (in betwen rounds of golf, of course...hello I was in Florida!) and can't seem to come up with answers for. Maybe you all have answers, and maybe you don't; I really just needed to get some of that off my chest. And hey maybe we won't have to answer these questions. Maybe when my aunt gets married to the man she's engaged to (after having known him for 8 months) in June, she'll find the answers herself.
I've got 5 bucks and a failed marriage says that I'm wrong, though.
Yesterday evening I flew in to terrible Pittsbugh, PA from the sunny climes of Central Florida. For thsoe of you who don't know, I grew up in Miami, Florida. Even though I left Miami almost 10 years ago, I still consider it my home. Most of my family lives in Florida, I still have a number of close friends in Florida, and my stomach still flips over with happiness whenever I'm on a plane that touches down on a runway in Florida. The sights, the smells, the warm breeze that always seems to be floating through the air-everything about Florida appeals to every part of me. The experience of going back to Florida, for me, is akin to that feeling of walking into your parents house after that first bout with college finals-instantly everything feels safe, feels calm, feels welcoming. I know it seems to be uber-sentimental, but I swear that when I touch down in Florida the palm trees wave to me, welcoming me back. And when I leave, they sway their arms in the most exaggerated goodbye that never abates in intensity until they are far out of eyesight. It's like when I go to Florida I check the weight of my cares at the airport, and when I return I pick them up right where I dropped them off. This time back, though, someone piled up more baggage for me to take back.
I went down to Florida just for a few days to wish my grandmother a happy 80th birthday. While I'm sure that Grandma would love to have a slew of grandchildren fly down to see her on her birthday, the fact is that Grandma only has 4 grandkids: me and my brother and 2 sisters. So on this mission to Florida I was the unofficial emissary of goodwill from all the grandchildren...all 4 of them. My mom has 2 sisters, none of whome have kids but both of whom have failed marriages (which when you combine and average out the length of my aunts' first marriages, I think they total roughly 2 years). It's gotta be kind of sad for my Grandma to only have 4 grandkids. It's gotta be even sadder for her that one of her daughters (not my mom) still lives with her, works at Wal-Mart on the midnight shift, has no friends, and weighs roughly as much as a small elephant. I kid you not. This is where my blog starts for real.
My aunt, is for all intents and purposes, worthless. She doesn't produce offspring. She doesn't contribute to her local community. She doesn't better others with scintillating wit in conversation. She doesn't go to church and has essentially abandoned her faith...not because something incredibly traumatizing or disenchanting happened to her, but because she is too lazy to keep up. She doesn't exercise or maintain a semblance of a healthy lifestyle. She doesn't even give my Grandma a meagre check for rent. All my aunt does is consume...she's like a parasite. She consumes, I'm going to guess, roughly 5 times the daily caloric intake that humans should consume. She consumes my Grandma's money (and my inheritance?) and wastes it on things like going out to eat, impulse purchases on QVC, and tattoos of Tigger.
(author's note: Yeah you heard me right...my aunt has at least 7 Tigger tattoos. I dated a girl once who was unfortunate enough to find herself in a room alone with my aunt who was in the mood to show off her body art. While this girl and I eventually broke up in a not so conspicuous (or mature) display of fireworks, I do feel eternally sorry that the image of my Aunt Heiffer with no shirt on will be forever burned into her brain. Honestly!)
Basically my aunt is terrible. I know I throw that term around, but it's completely applicable to my aunt.
The purpose of this blog isn't to complain that I had to spend 5 days with a woman who is the spitting image of what a lack of self control/esteem should look like. The purpose is to pose a series of questions. How can you communicate to someone that they need to change when they don't want to hear it? How do you bring to light that someone is failing at life when they've put up psychological blocks that blind them to the truth? How do you earnestly try to care for family members who don't care about themselves? How do you resolve the feeling that you know you should love your family members with the reality that you can't stand being around them? These are questions that I've wrestled with over the past few days (in betwen rounds of golf, of course...hello I was in Florida!) and can't seem to come up with answers for. Maybe you all have answers, and maybe you don't; I really just needed to get some of that off my chest. And hey maybe we won't have to answer these questions. Maybe when my aunt gets married to the man she's engaged to (after having known him for 8 months) in June, she'll find the answers herself.
I've got 5 bucks and a failed marriage says that I'm wrong, though.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Top 100 Installment C
So it's time for my last installment of Top 100 songs. Just a friendly reminder about some of the criteria I used to pick the songs. The criteria used are if you get 100 songs to listen to for the rest of your life which songs do you pick? I mean mostly all of U2's music would beat Like My Style by 50 Cent, but I also want some rap on the list and by default this is one of my favorite rap songs so it makes the list. I need a little bit of different genres. Secondly the list couldn't have too many from one band. This removes favorite band bias. Again I LOVE U2, but I'd get tired of it if 15 of their songs I listened to for the rest of my life. This adds variety and makes you think hard about your favorite band, as well as lesser known songs. Alright here we go.
33.) I Love Rock n Roll - Joan Jett
32.) Shake Ya' Tailfeather - Nelly, Murphy Lee, and P. Diddy
31.) Crazy Game of Poker - OAR
30.) Can't Stop Loving You - Phil Collins
29.) Amphetamine - Everclear
28.) One Day More - Les Miserables
27.) American Pie - Don Maclean
26.) One - U2
25.) Betterman - Pearl Jam
24.) Basketcase - Green Day
23.) Let it Be - The Beatles
22.) Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
21.) Lithium - Nirvana
20.) Yellow - Coldplay
19.) Because The Night - 10,000 Maniacs
18.) Can't Nobody Hold Me Down - Mase
17.) Leaving Town - Dexter Freebish
16.) Fortunate Son - CCR
15.) Spirit in the Sky - Norman Greenbaum
14.) Want You Back - Jackson 5
13.) Come on Eileen - Dexy and the Midnight Runners
12.) Sympathy For The Devil - Rolling Stones
11.) All Over You - Live
10.) Slide - Goo Goo Dolls
9.) I Am a Rock - Simon and Garfunkel
8.) Hotel California - The Eagles
7.) Hook - Blues Traveler
6.) Glycerine - Bush
5.) Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis
4.) Walk On - U2
3.) In My Place - Coldplay
2.) Mayonaise - Smashing Pumpkins
1.) Bad - U2
Let the crying begin!
33.) I Love Rock n Roll - Joan Jett
32.) Shake Ya' Tailfeather - Nelly, Murphy Lee, and P. Diddy
31.) Crazy Game of Poker - OAR
30.) Can't Stop Loving You - Phil Collins
29.) Amphetamine - Everclear
28.) One Day More - Les Miserables
27.) American Pie - Don Maclean
26.) One - U2
25.) Betterman - Pearl Jam
24.) Basketcase - Green Day
23.) Let it Be - The Beatles
22.) Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
21.) Lithium - Nirvana
20.) Yellow - Coldplay
19.) Because The Night - 10,000 Maniacs
18.) Can't Nobody Hold Me Down - Mase
17.) Leaving Town - Dexter Freebish
16.) Fortunate Son - CCR
15.) Spirit in the Sky - Norman Greenbaum
14.) Want You Back - Jackson 5
13.) Come on Eileen - Dexy and the Midnight Runners
12.) Sympathy For The Devil - Rolling Stones
11.) All Over You - Live
10.) Slide - Goo Goo Dolls
9.) I Am a Rock - Simon and Garfunkel
8.) Hotel California - The Eagles
7.) Hook - Blues Traveler
6.) Glycerine - Bush
5.) Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis
4.) Walk On - U2
3.) In My Place - Coldplay
2.) Mayonaise - Smashing Pumpkins
1.) Bad - U2
Let the crying begin!
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
This is a good get for Pittsburgh!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh Lord only in Pittsburgh. I'm so happy Pittsburgh is going to the Super Bowl and giving the people in this city something to live for...for at least two more weeks. Then it's back to the grind of living in an area with a declining economy, lack of new industry, startlingly low literacy rate, 30 year cultural lag behind the world, a terrible school system, endlessly gray skies, horrible looking women (present company excluded), and an abysmal hockey team that will hopefully be exported to Nevada. GO STERRRRSS!!!!
Top 100 Installment B
So last week I posted the first thirty-three of my top 100 songs ever. I know you're all burning for the next installment. All two of you that posted about it at least. So I'm going to throw down my next thirty-three now, but not before I point out a couple of things.
1.) I have a few posts here of late that are slamming if I do say so myself.
2.) Recycling sucks and Joel Settecase agrees.
3.) Andrew is getting his piece on the gay McDonalds sign posted as an Op-ed piece in the Grove City Allied News.
4.) I HAVEN'T BEEN DUMPED YET! The Steelers are going to the Super Bowl and I get to hang out with my "girlfriend" for two more weeks. I've avoided her cheating on me somehow or breaking up with me. I couldn't be happier.
Without further ado:
66.) Drops of Jupiter - Train
65.) Flagpole Sitta' - Harvey Danger
64.) Down On The Corner - CCR
63.) Papercut - Linkin Park
62.) The Sign - Ace of Base
61.) I'll Be There For You - Bon Jovi
60.) Like My Style - 50 Cent
59.) Walk On The Ocean - Toad The Wet Sprocket
58.) Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def Leppard
57.) Fly - Jars of Clay
56.) Any Way You Want It - Journey
55.) Buddy Holly - Weezer
54.) All These Things That I've Done - The Killers
53.) Head Like A Hole - Nine Inch Nails
52.) Regulators - Warren G
51.) Fisherman's Blues - The Waterboys
50.) I Would Walk 500 Miles - The Proclaimers
49.) Grace is Gone - Dave Matthews Band
48.) Yellow Brick Road - Elton John
47.) Like a Prayer - Madonna
46.) Perfect Situation - Weezer
45.) Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skinner
44.) So Much For the Afterglow - Everclear
43.) On Fire - Lloyd Banks
42.) Jungle Boogie - Kool and the Gang
41.) Somewhere - Our Lady of Peace
40.) Freedom 90 - George Michael
39.) More Than Useless - Relient K
38.) December - Collective Soul
37.) One Headlight - Wallflowers
36.) Running to Stand Still - U2
35.) Run - Snow Patrol
34.) Fix You - Coldplay
Stay tuned for more ...
1.) I have a few posts here of late that are slamming if I do say so myself.
2.) Recycling sucks and Joel Settecase agrees.
3.) Andrew is getting his piece on the gay McDonalds sign posted as an Op-ed piece in the Grove City Allied News.
4.) I HAVEN'T BEEN DUMPED YET! The Steelers are going to the Super Bowl and I get to hang out with my "girlfriend" for two more weeks. I've avoided her cheating on me somehow or breaking up with me. I couldn't be happier.
Without further ado:
66.) Drops of Jupiter - Train
65.) Flagpole Sitta' - Harvey Danger
64.) Down On The Corner - CCR
63.) Papercut - Linkin Park
62.) The Sign - Ace of Base
61.) I'll Be There For You - Bon Jovi
60.) Like My Style - 50 Cent
59.) Walk On The Ocean - Toad The Wet Sprocket
58.) Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def Leppard
57.) Fly - Jars of Clay
56.) Any Way You Want It - Journey
55.) Buddy Holly - Weezer
54.) All These Things That I've Done - The Killers
53.) Head Like A Hole - Nine Inch Nails
52.) Regulators - Warren G
51.) Fisherman's Blues - The Waterboys
50.) I Would Walk 500 Miles - The Proclaimers
49.) Grace is Gone - Dave Matthews Band
48.) Yellow Brick Road - Elton John
47.) Like a Prayer - Madonna
46.) Perfect Situation - Weezer
45.) Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skinner
44.) So Much For the Afterglow - Everclear
43.) On Fire - Lloyd Banks
42.) Jungle Boogie - Kool and the Gang
41.) Somewhere - Our Lady of Peace
40.) Freedom 90 - George Michael
39.) More Than Useless - Relient K
38.) December - Collective Soul
37.) One Headlight - Wallflowers
36.) Running to Stand Still - U2
35.) Run - Snow Patrol
34.) Fix You - Coldplay
Stay tuned for more ...
Monday, January 23, 2006
to Bowl or not to Bowl?
Ok people Keith needs your help.
Keith, as you all know, lives a life where nothing bad actually happens to him. Following in this vein, he has received the opportunity to buy Super Bowl Tickets. He's going to have to shell out a ton of cash to get them, but if he wants a ticket he has a guaranteed spot to see Pittsburgh play Seattle in Detroit. If you know how crazy Keith is about the Steelers, you probably know that's excited to the point of climax over the thought of going to Super Bowl Extra Large. HOWEVER!! The trip to SBXL is one that will only be paved by dolling out EXREME amounts of cash. Keith, excited as he is about going to the see the Steelers look for 'one for the thumb', is a bit hesitant to commit somewhere between $700-$1,000 to this venture. Why don't you all comment and tell Keith what he should do...he really needs the help. Drop your thoughts, comments, pros, cons, yes's, no's, whatever! The more advice the merrier, so let those comments flow as YOU, our faithful blog reader, help one of your favorite bloggers with this TREMENDOUS life opportunity!
GO!!
Keith, as you all know, lives a life where nothing bad actually happens to him. Following in this vein, he has received the opportunity to buy Super Bowl Tickets. He's going to have to shell out a ton of cash to get them, but if he wants a ticket he has a guaranteed spot to see Pittsburgh play Seattle in Detroit. If you know how crazy Keith is about the Steelers, you probably know that's excited to the point of climax over the thought of going to Super Bowl Extra Large. HOWEVER!! The trip to SBXL is one that will only be paved by dolling out EXREME amounts of cash. Keith, excited as he is about going to the see the Steelers look for 'one for the thumb', is a bit hesitant to commit somewhere between $700-$1,000 to this venture. Why don't you all comment and tell Keith what he should do...he really needs the help. Drop your thoughts, comments, pros, cons, yes's, no's, whatever! The more advice the merrier, so let those comments flow as YOU, our faithful blog reader, help one of your favorite bloggers with this TREMENDOUS life opportunity!
GO!!
Friday, January 20, 2006
Top 100 Installment A
So I recently completed a project with a friend of mine where I ranked my top 100 songs of all times. So in the spirit of a meaningless blog. I'm going to release them 33 at a time from 100-1. Here they come. If you have questions feel free to ask. We e-mailed each other back and forth putting ten songs on the list at a time. And after we had 100, we ranked them from 100-1 until we reached the top. It was a sweet project that I highly recommend. Here comes the first few!
100.) In the Meantime – Spacehog
99.) Gambler – Kenny Rogers
98.) Brick House – The Commodores
97.) Dreamer – Ozzy Osbourne
96.) Don’t Stop Dancing – Creed
95.) This DJ – Warren G
94.) Fill It Up Again – Indigo Girls
93.) This Time Around – Hanson
92.) The New Workout Plan – Kanye West
91.) Welcome to Atlanta – Jermaine Dupree
90.) Against All Odds – Phil Collins
89.) Bad Medicine – Bon Jovi
88.) Sweet Child of Mine – Guns n’ Roses
87.) I Will Follow You Into the Dark – Death Cab for Cutie
86.) World on Fire – Sarah McLachlan
85.) Steal My Sunshine – Len
84.) Rosa Parks – Outkast
83.) Bad Boy For Life – P. Diddy
82.) Spin Me Right Round – Dead or Alive
81.) Nite Becomes Day – Citizen Cope
80.) You Can Do It – Ice Cube
79.) Old Apartment – Bare Naked Ladies
78.) Paint It Black – Rolling Stones
77.) Man in The Mirror – Michael Jackson
76.) Livin’ On The Edge – Aerosmith
75.) Under The Bridge – Red Hot Chili Peppers
74.) Found Out About You – Gin Blossoms
73.) Pepper – Butt Hole Surfers
72.) Livin’ On A Prayer – Bon Jovi
71.) Song 2 – Blur
70.) Loser – Beck
69.) Paradise City – Guns n’ Roses
68.) Rollin Remix - Limp, Method Man, Red Man, DMX
67.) Yesterday – The Beatles
100.) In the Meantime – Spacehog
99.) Gambler – Kenny Rogers
98.) Brick House – The Commodores
97.) Dreamer – Ozzy Osbourne
96.) Don’t Stop Dancing – Creed
95.) This DJ – Warren G
94.) Fill It Up Again – Indigo Girls
93.) This Time Around – Hanson
92.) The New Workout Plan – Kanye West
91.) Welcome to Atlanta – Jermaine Dupree
90.) Against All Odds – Phil Collins
89.) Bad Medicine – Bon Jovi
88.) Sweet Child of Mine – Guns n’ Roses
87.) I Will Follow You Into the Dark – Death Cab for Cutie
86.) World on Fire – Sarah McLachlan
85.) Steal My Sunshine – Len
84.) Rosa Parks – Outkast
83.) Bad Boy For Life – P. Diddy
82.) Spin Me Right Round – Dead or Alive
81.) Nite Becomes Day – Citizen Cope
80.) You Can Do It – Ice Cube
79.) Old Apartment – Bare Naked Ladies
78.) Paint It Black – Rolling Stones
77.) Man in The Mirror – Michael Jackson
76.) Livin’ On The Edge – Aerosmith
75.) Under The Bridge – Red Hot Chili Peppers
74.) Found Out About You – Gin Blossoms
73.) Pepper – Butt Hole Surfers
72.) Livin’ On A Prayer – Bon Jovi
71.) Song 2 – Blur
70.) Loser – Beck
69.) Paradise City – Guns n’ Roses
68.) Rollin Remix - Limp, Method Man, Red Man, DMX
67.) Yesterday – The Beatles
Friday, January 13, 2006
Playoff Football Breaks your Heart
So I wanted to take a brief moment to drop a quick blog. It's about my newest thought / analogy. I also wanted to blog before the Steelers lose this Sunday, because after that I'll probably enter a two week depression. It's one of those things that it's like a cartoon. Think a rain cloud falling me over my head and dumping on only me. That's what it's like when the Steelers season ends ... but there's 500,000 of those rain clouds following everyone in Pittsburgh. The only difference is mine is categorized as a microburst.
This leads me to the subject of my blog. Allow me to put a disclaimer before it. I have never dated anyone. I've never entered into a dating relationship or dated anyone for one day let alone one for seven months. The analogy I'm about to share though is very fitting, close, and accurate to some degree ... I think. When your team loses in the NFL Playoffs, it's like getting dumped by your girlfriend. Now quit rolling your eyes, quit laughing, and hear me out.
Let's take a typical Steelers season. They go to training camp at the beginning of the summer and you start hearing reports about the Steelers. The new rookie looks good. Their defense is looking really good this year. Kind of like murmurs you hear during the summer. New girl coming this fall. She moved to Treesdale this year and is absolutely smoking. So you get to August. The Steelers start playing preseason games and you're relationship is off and running. You asked the girl out (bought tickets) and she said yes. It's on. For the next six months, if your team makes the playoffs, maybe seven if you're lucky, you do everything you can to help your team or learn about your team. You watch games, you read box scores, you learn players names. It's worse than that though. You learn names, numbers, colleges they're from. When they're hurt you frantically search the internet to find what happened. You call into talk shows to talk about your team, ask for the opinions of others, and do stupid things for them.
This is just like having a girlfriend, I think. You start dating and you spend time together. The first few dates are awkward as you figure each other out. You get to know one another quickly. Just like the preseason. You have four weeks to learn your starters, new players, backups, and 3rd string. It's a crash course. Then after a few weeks you learn that you like each other. You like her after the first few dates and you're gonna keep going out. You commit to your team for 16 weeks, and if things are going well, it continues a little longer. You like that she's a good cook - you love the new wide receiver your team signed. You like how she treats your friends - your players are likeable and great at the press conference. She has that time of the month when she's tough to be with - so does your team when it has that three week road trip against the Colts, Chargers, and Bengals. It's up and down give and take. You pour yourself into stats and teams and things like that. You spend money on her - you buy jerseys of your favorite players. You sit there and think about your teams matchup all week - you think about your girlfriend.
All the while in both situations you're hoping you make it all the way. You hope you have a chance at the end to win it all, seal the deal, score. The word plays are endless. So it gets to the playoffs and you've invested countless hours in the aforementioned activities. You've talked to your best bud and Dad about the playoffs and your team, just like you ask your buds for advice about your girlfriend. I think I've made my point and I'm sure there are some I'm forgetting about. Generally you get excited about both. Then the playoffs come and it's down to crunch time - you're having an important discussion with your girlfriend. Maybe it works out, and you can advance the relationship - move to the next round - or maybe you guys split up. Let's say your team loses in the divisional game, better yet the championship game. You're one game away from the Super Bowl. Your team loses. It's over. You're done. You have nothing to follow, pour your time into, get excited about on Sunday's until June, July, or August. It's like you found out your girlfriend found another guy and she dumps you. You suddenly revert back to having NOTHING to do on the weekend. You suddenly are depressed during the week when you read about your team - see your girlfriend or hear someone talk about her. You think about all the good times you had watching your team, that sweet flea flicker they pulled off or that awesome time they shut out the Browns 41-0 -- just like you think about making out with your girlfriend or that awesome time you saw a movie where stuff blew up.
Those good times never happen for like three months. Then the NFL Draft comes in April and you hear rumors about your team maybe drafting this player or maybe they're signing a free agent. They're messing around without consulting you. It's like when you hear people at school say, "Did you hear Mehgan is messing around with John? Don't tell Keith he'll be so depressed." Then what happens ... they sign the players and they're back together as a team. They report to camp and you get your season tickets in the mail ... guess what ... your team wants you back - your girlfriend realizes that the other guy is poor, a bad kisser, and you had more cash anyway. So now she's coming back. She tells you this is the year we make it work. We'll spend more time talkin things out - practicing and working on fundamentals. We'll make better decisions - have better coaches. Get the job done better - have new players.
So you're dumb and you take her back. You think to what life was like in February, March, April. You remember how boring your weekends were and how you had nothing to do. You haven't had a girlfriend since, so you're not getting any action and you're a little frisky. This blinds you to the fact that six months ago or so you said you hated your team and you'd never fall head over heels for them like this again. But you do. Every year ... hoping ... that they'll win it all. It's a love hate relationship, but it's necessary.
That's why if the Steelers loseon Sunday to the Colts. I'll mope around for like two weeks with a generally sad disposition. I'll dream of happy times, the Superbowl, and wish they hadn't broken up with me. I'll have nothing to do on weekends, I'll let myself go, and I'll never have any excuse to do stupid things. You know when you're dating and you spend like I don't know, a gajillion dollars on something. That's what it's like when you don't wash your jersey since it's lucky or you sit only on the left side of the TV during games. So the team loses and I nap more, I'm sullen, and I just ... it's just ... it's horrible. Just like I think it would be when your girlfriend dumps you. I don't really know, but it seems like you would have a ton of free time and be really sad. So that's my story. Let's hope the Steelers pull one off this weekend or I might go into hibernation for a few months.
Let's Go Stillers ... don't dump me on Sunday! If they do, I'll probably start burning plastic and throwing away recycled unused paper.
This leads me to the subject of my blog. Allow me to put a disclaimer before it. I have never dated anyone. I've never entered into a dating relationship or dated anyone for one day let alone one for seven months. The analogy I'm about to share though is very fitting, close, and accurate to some degree ... I think. When your team loses in the NFL Playoffs, it's like getting dumped by your girlfriend. Now quit rolling your eyes, quit laughing, and hear me out.
Let's take a typical Steelers season. They go to training camp at the beginning of the summer and you start hearing reports about the Steelers. The new rookie looks good. Their defense is looking really good this year. Kind of like murmurs you hear during the summer. New girl coming this fall. She moved to Treesdale this year and is absolutely smoking. So you get to August. The Steelers start playing preseason games and you're relationship is off and running. You asked the girl out (bought tickets) and she said yes. It's on. For the next six months, if your team makes the playoffs, maybe seven if you're lucky, you do everything you can to help your team or learn about your team. You watch games, you read box scores, you learn players names. It's worse than that though. You learn names, numbers, colleges they're from. When they're hurt you frantically search the internet to find what happened. You call into talk shows to talk about your team, ask for the opinions of others, and do stupid things for them.
This is just like having a girlfriend, I think. You start dating and you spend time together. The first few dates are awkward as you figure each other out. You get to know one another quickly. Just like the preseason. You have four weeks to learn your starters, new players, backups, and 3rd string. It's a crash course. Then after a few weeks you learn that you like each other. You like her after the first few dates and you're gonna keep going out. You commit to your team for 16 weeks, and if things are going well, it continues a little longer. You like that she's a good cook - you love the new wide receiver your team signed. You like how she treats your friends - your players are likeable and great at the press conference. She has that time of the month when she's tough to be with - so does your team when it has that three week road trip against the Colts, Chargers, and Bengals. It's up and down give and take. You pour yourself into stats and teams and things like that. You spend money on her - you buy jerseys of your favorite players. You sit there and think about your teams matchup all week - you think about your girlfriend.
All the while in both situations you're hoping you make it all the way. You hope you have a chance at the end to win it all, seal the deal, score. The word plays are endless. So it gets to the playoffs and you've invested countless hours in the aforementioned activities. You've talked to your best bud and Dad about the playoffs and your team, just like you ask your buds for advice about your girlfriend. I think I've made my point and I'm sure there are some I'm forgetting about. Generally you get excited about both. Then the playoffs come and it's down to crunch time - you're having an important discussion with your girlfriend. Maybe it works out, and you can advance the relationship - move to the next round - or maybe you guys split up. Let's say your team loses in the divisional game, better yet the championship game. You're one game away from the Super Bowl. Your team loses. It's over. You're done. You have nothing to follow, pour your time into, get excited about on Sunday's until June, July, or August. It's like you found out your girlfriend found another guy and she dumps you. You suddenly revert back to having NOTHING to do on the weekend. You suddenly are depressed during the week when you read about your team - see your girlfriend or hear someone talk about her. You think about all the good times you had watching your team, that sweet flea flicker they pulled off or that awesome time they shut out the Browns 41-0 -- just like you think about making out with your girlfriend or that awesome time you saw a movie where stuff blew up.
Those good times never happen for like three months. Then the NFL Draft comes in April and you hear rumors about your team maybe drafting this player or maybe they're signing a free agent. They're messing around without consulting you. It's like when you hear people at school say, "Did you hear Mehgan is messing around with John? Don't tell Keith he'll be so depressed." Then what happens ... they sign the players and they're back together as a team. They report to camp and you get your season tickets in the mail ... guess what ... your team wants you back - your girlfriend realizes that the other guy is poor, a bad kisser, and you had more cash anyway. So now she's coming back. She tells you this is the year we make it work. We'll spend more time talkin things out - practicing and working on fundamentals. We'll make better decisions - have better coaches. Get the job done better - have new players.
So you're dumb and you take her back. You think to what life was like in February, March, April. You remember how boring your weekends were and how you had nothing to do. You haven't had a girlfriend since, so you're not getting any action and you're a little frisky. This blinds you to the fact that six months ago or so you said you hated your team and you'd never fall head over heels for them like this again. But you do. Every year ... hoping ... that they'll win it all. It's a love hate relationship, but it's necessary.
That's why if the Steelers loseon Sunday to the Colts. I'll mope around for like two weeks with a generally sad disposition. I'll dream of happy times, the Superbowl, and wish they hadn't broken up with me. I'll have nothing to do on weekends, I'll let myself go, and I'll never have any excuse to do stupid things. You know when you're dating and you spend like I don't know, a gajillion dollars on something. That's what it's like when you don't wash your jersey since it's lucky or you sit only on the left side of the TV during games. So the team loses and I nap more, I'm sullen, and I just ... it's just ... it's horrible. Just like I think it would be when your girlfriend dumps you. I don't really know, but it seems like you would have a ton of free time and be really sad. So that's my story. Let's hope the Steelers pull one off this weekend or I might go into hibernation for a few months.
Let's Go Stillers ... don't dump me on Sunday! If they do, I'll probably start burning plastic and throwing away recycled unused paper.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
haiku guessing game
Let's play a game. I'm going to write some haiku's, and you're going to tell me what you think they are about. I haven't written a haiku since I was probably in 5th grade, and as I recall I won some pretty stellar awards for my haiku stylings. HAI! KU YOU GUESS THIS?!
Crash and Coalesce
Strings of black infiniti
Warm Cacophony
ok here's another one
Slicing the Darkness
with a heating sensation
get up, close the blinds
alright try your hand at THIS ONE!!
Crimson and Garnet
Arms reach out to greet your frame
wrap'd but not embraced
Ok one more
Parting careless curl
cover that which I desire
lightest golden brown
These are all thigns in my office, or at least representations of things that I have in my office. GO GUESS!!
Crash and Coalesce
Strings of black infiniti
Warm Cacophony
ok here's another one
Slicing the Darkness
with a heating sensation
get up, close the blinds
alright try your hand at THIS ONE!!
Crimson and Garnet
Arms reach out to greet your frame
wrap'd but not embraced
Ok one more
Parting careless curl
cover that which I desire
lightest golden brown
These are all thigns in my office, or at least representations of things that I have in my office. GO GUESS!!
Monday, January 09, 2006
Recycle ... get real!
Ok. I've been quiet for a while. I know. People comment when greatness is silent. But in an effort to lower my blood pressure and to live a healthier more stress-free life I've been trying to be less opinionated. My Dad calls it the "who cares" factor. Merely just shrugging your shoulders at stupid things that bother me typically. These things include but in no way are limited to the following:
1.) Blown calls by referees.
2.) Horrible commercials.
3.) Bad TV.
4.) Raging Liberals.
5.) Stupid stuff that's not as sweet as I am or Andrew is.
So today I'm not shrugging my shoulders, but instead I am clenching my fists. Why you ask? I'll tell you why ... recycling is ridiculously stupid. It might quite possibly be the dumbest idea foisted upon us by the media and people who need a reason to get their panties in a bunch, do good, and feel better about themselves and their own excess.
So here's the beef. For this article I've gone to various sources, both conservative and liberal. I found some facts, from the ragingly liberal New York Times that speaks frankly about recycling and it's stupidity. Of course all these facts are probably lies since they come from the Times and I'll be proven wrong. This is a blog, not a newspaper, so I'm not footnoting here. But I do have the sources saved if you'd like to see them. A quick story then the facts.
My parents live in a township that has instituted a new, and dare I say STUPID, recycling system. They now are forced to separate all trash in the house before putting it in the can, and the trash can in general. I've always thought recycling was dumb, cumbersome, a waste of time and money, but it's infinitely worse now. Now we have to seperate paper scraps from plastic, lids from cans, and boxes pretzel sticks come in from plastic yogurt comes in, and so on and so on. It's absurd and now EVERY ROOM OF OUR HOUSE HAS TWO STINKING CANS IN IT! The two worst parts are yet to come. One we get find $30 American dollars for every infraction we commit. So if I mess up while visiting my parents and don't dismantle the Pretzle Stix box correctly we can get fined. Plus for large items or any extra bag each week we have to buy a sixty cent tag extra. If that doesn't just scream money-making scheme I don't know what does. Like we don't pay garbage men enough. Last worst part of it all, they didn't even get to vote on it all. How horrible is that? Last time I checked we didn't live in Cuba!!!! What is going on here.
So here's why I'm miffed. It's a colossal waste of time and I think it's a complete fraud to make people feel better about it. But you put up these straw arguments for me:
1.) But Keith we're running out of space to throw our trash!!! False - To fill up another thousand years worth of trash all you would need is space that equals 35 miles square by 100 yards deep. Wow that's so big. On all of God's green earth we don't have space like that ... HOW ABOUT ALL OF MISSOURI!!!! We have plenty of space. And the point of my article, if you care about space and waste ... quit wasting so much stuff. Don't buy 35 packs of starburst at Costco buy one pack at your local grocery store. Don't be a pig yourself.
2.) Recycling saves us money and energy. I even heard our very own Andrew utter this, "The energy saved from recycling one glass bottle can be used to watch TV 3 hours!" Maybe ... if we do it correctly. Recycling often costs more in time, money, and energy since it's so poorly run. Let's not even get into what it's costing me. I spent 15 minutes dismantling AN EFFING CARDBOARD BOX ON SATURDAY! 15 MINUTES! It would have taken me 10 seconds to walk it down with trash and another 15 seconds to smash in the truck ... wow. That's a lot of energy used by throwing stuff away. Look how much it cost me personally. But by the time you get a glass bottle, separated, where it needs to go, melt it, and then make something out of it. You have to be kidding me. Great we can run a TV for three hours off that. If it's poorly run you can lose money and energy as well. How about this. Turn off your lights when you leave your house. How about this turn off the TV when you go to bed. How about this quit running water while you shower in the sink or brush your teeth. Don't make me separate glass to make up for you being a wasteful pig.
3.) It reduces pollution if we recycle. False! Maybe in the ground, but those fumes you're letting out from melting plastic ... they're burning kindergarden kid's noses. They'll have three eyes thanks to you. Ok that one's false, but you're taking up space and making pollution as well.
4.) My point is this. Politicians and grain and nut eaters have created recycling out of some media scare that we were running out of space in the late 80's ... 87 if I remember correctly. Now people do it sine it makes them feel better. They feel like they're saving space, doing good, and getting rid of waste. Want to get rid of waste? Go look at packaging for Grocery stores and packaging companies use to ship products. Want to look at waste look at all the food you throw off your plate at an All-you-can-eat buffet. Want to see waste? Go see how much money is spent in a casino while the homeless dude outside it freezes (side note ... I gamble). There's so much waste in this world other than my plastic Wild Cherry Pepsi bottle.
So quit wasting my time, invading my life, and telling me what to do. Next time I want to recycle I will, but don't force me too. Allow me to at least vote on it. This isn't a dictatorship. So when did it become ok for someone to tell me what I have to do and how I have to do it. As for me, I'm going to start throwing more stuff away.
1.) Blown calls by referees.
2.) Horrible commercials.
3.) Bad TV.
4.) Raging Liberals.
5.) Stupid stuff that's not as sweet as I am or Andrew is.
So today I'm not shrugging my shoulders, but instead I am clenching my fists. Why you ask? I'll tell you why ... recycling is ridiculously stupid. It might quite possibly be the dumbest idea foisted upon us by the media and people who need a reason to get their panties in a bunch, do good, and feel better about themselves and their own excess.
So here's the beef. For this article I've gone to various sources, both conservative and liberal. I found some facts, from the ragingly liberal New York Times that speaks frankly about recycling and it's stupidity. Of course all these facts are probably lies since they come from the Times and I'll be proven wrong. This is a blog, not a newspaper, so I'm not footnoting here. But I do have the sources saved if you'd like to see them. A quick story then the facts.
My parents live in a township that has instituted a new, and dare I say STUPID, recycling system. They now are forced to separate all trash in the house before putting it in the can, and the trash can in general. I've always thought recycling was dumb, cumbersome, a waste of time and money, but it's infinitely worse now. Now we have to seperate paper scraps from plastic, lids from cans, and boxes pretzel sticks come in from plastic yogurt comes in, and so on and so on. It's absurd and now EVERY ROOM OF OUR HOUSE HAS TWO STINKING CANS IN IT! The two worst parts are yet to come. One we get find $30 American dollars for every infraction we commit. So if I mess up while visiting my parents and don't dismantle the Pretzle Stix box correctly we can get fined. Plus for large items or any extra bag each week we have to buy a sixty cent tag extra. If that doesn't just scream money-making scheme I don't know what does. Like we don't pay garbage men enough. Last worst part of it all, they didn't even get to vote on it all. How horrible is that? Last time I checked we didn't live in Cuba!!!! What is going on here.
So here's why I'm miffed. It's a colossal waste of time and I think it's a complete fraud to make people feel better about it. But you put up these straw arguments for me:
1.) But Keith we're running out of space to throw our trash!!! False - To fill up another thousand years worth of trash all you would need is space that equals 35 miles square by 100 yards deep. Wow that's so big. On all of God's green earth we don't have space like that ... HOW ABOUT ALL OF MISSOURI!!!! We have plenty of space. And the point of my article, if you care about space and waste ... quit wasting so much stuff. Don't buy 35 packs of starburst at Costco buy one pack at your local grocery store. Don't be a pig yourself.
2.) Recycling saves us money and energy. I even heard our very own Andrew utter this, "The energy saved from recycling one glass bottle can be used to watch TV 3 hours!" Maybe ... if we do it correctly. Recycling often costs more in time, money, and energy since it's so poorly run. Let's not even get into what it's costing me. I spent 15 minutes dismantling AN EFFING CARDBOARD BOX ON SATURDAY! 15 MINUTES! It would have taken me 10 seconds to walk it down with trash and another 15 seconds to smash in the truck ... wow. That's a lot of energy used by throwing stuff away. Look how much it cost me personally. But by the time you get a glass bottle, separated, where it needs to go, melt it, and then make something out of it. You have to be kidding me. Great we can run a TV for three hours off that. If it's poorly run you can lose money and energy as well. How about this. Turn off your lights when you leave your house. How about this turn off the TV when you go to bed. How about this quit running water while you shower in the sink or brush your teeth. Don't make me separate glass to make up for you being a wasteful pig.
3.) It reduces pollution if we recycle. False! Maybe in the ground, but those fumes you're letting out from melting plastic ... they're burning kindergarden kid's noses. They'll have three eyes thanks to you. Ok that one's false, but you're taking up space and making pollution as well.
4.) My point is this. Politicians and grain and nut eaters have created recycling out of some media scare that we were running out of space in the late 80's ... 87 if I remember correctly. Now people do it sine it makes them feel better. They feel like they're saving space, doing good, and getting rid of waste. Want to get rid of waste? Go look at packaging for Grocery stores and packaging companies use to ship products. Want to look at waste look at all the food you throw off your plate at an All-you-can-eat buffet. Want to see waste? Go see how much money is spent in a casino while the homeless dude outside it freezes (side note ... I gamble). There's so much waste in this world other than my plastic Wild Cherry Pepsi bottle.
So quit wasting my time, invading my life, and telling me what to do. Next time I want to recycle I will, but don't force me too. Allow me to at least vote on it. This isn't a dictatorship. So when did it become ok for someone to tell me what I have to do and how I have to do it. As for me, I'm going to start throwing more stuff away.
Friday, January 06, 2006
I'm a genie in a bottle
Hypothetical situation:
You stumble upon a dusty magic lamp as you are tramping through the snow. As you kick the lamp, a genie pops out with a turban on and everything. He says to you, "Since you have awakened me from my slumber, I will grant you one wish, but I get to set the parameters for the wish because I'm ornery". You start to protest, but the genie continues. "I will grant you the ability to punch one celebrity of your choice in the face, without fear of ay legal ramification. When you say this person's name, they will show up right in front of you to begin their unfortunate meeting with your fist. Son of Adam (or Daugher of Eve), which celebrity do you choose to bludgeon?"
Some people might have to sit, and think about which celebrity they would like to pummel. I, on the other hand, could not spew the words 'Paris Hilton' out of my mouth fast enough. I know that there are thousands of internet sites dedicated to hating Paris Hilton, so in part my revelation that I'd like to punch her in her mouth isn't so stunning. But what is stunning is how she continues to suck...er be terrible. Let's make a laundry list of why Paris Hilton sucks, just really fast.
1) She sucks
2) She's not that hot
3) Her voice sounds like fingernail tires screeching to a halt on a chalkboard road
4) Her nose looks like a vulture's nose
5) Her incessant partying is actually annoying.
6) The crap that comes out of her mouth has actually been proven to make people stupider...her sentences liquify brain tissue
7) Not only is One Night in Paris a hit porn flick, it gets you over 35 million hits on Google. I'm sure most of you reading this have seen the movie, but I haven't, but apparently it's a documentation of the only one thing that Paris is good at.
I could go on and on, but the point has been made. Paris Hilton is a plague upon our nation. What makes matters even worse, people, is that the plague is now spreading to te airwaves. Yes, you heard me right, Paris Hilton is cutting a CD that she actually wants to sell to Americans. Her voice is terrible enough with no backgroud bubblegum pop rave going on behind it. Now imagine her voice, in a sing-songy manner, with said bubblegum pop rave booming in the background. I know, it's hard right? But try...trryyyyyyy.
I don't have to try. Because I secretly hate myself, I downloaded a copy of her latest song, "Screwed", from Morpheus (and yes, Morpheus is still around). Journey with me, if you will, to the land of Paris Hilton's creative side. HEY! Pull that gun away from your temple! You haven't even read the lyrics yet!!
Let's start it up again
You’re under my skin
Same old story
Boy meets girl
And she falls much harder than him
Baby, where’s the glory
If all night, all night
Your attention’s not mine
Then, please don't let me in
You’re under my skin
It’s a sin
Cause you’re starting to win
[chorus]
Since I’m already screwed
Here’s a message to you
My heart’s wide open
And I’m just not gettin' through
To the lover in you
And I’m still hopin’
That tonight, tonight
You’re gonna turn down the lights
And give me a little more room
Just to prove it to you
What do I gotta do
Ok that's just the first verse and chorus. I gets even worse from here and I can't even bear to make you, the faithful blog readers, look at this atrocity. Let me give you, as best as I can, an interpretation of Paris' song in my words:
Verse One:
Hey boy face, let's get back together and hook up...I like you more than you like me, so pay attention to me or I'm going to throw a hissy fit
Chorus:
I'm really easy, and have nothing to lose by throwing myself at you. Seriously, I'm really easy and will probably nail you if you just call me and express minimal interest in me.
BAM!! If the lyrics aren't banal enough, the music on this CD is absolute trash. TRASH! I could make the beats with my old Tuareg midi player on my computer. Remember Tuareg? I do, and Paris' song sound like it was made on a shareware midi player. HAHA!! This song is so bad, and Paris Hilton sucks so much, and the fact that she's trying to infect MORE of our media outlets with her terribleness makes me, well, want to punch her in the face. So that's how I feel about Paris hilton, and I'm trying really hard to think of a way to boycott her CD...not because it has questionable lyrics or because it's going to illicit violence from her listeners, but just because it's terrible. The fewer terrible things that we as Americans have to deal with, the better. So if you can help me think of a way to remove Paris Hilton from the ever watchful public eye, let me know.
Oh yeah, also:
Tell me that you do
Tell me that you do
Tell me that you wanna take my number
There will come a day
A hazy day in May
Or a storm in mid-December
When you need someone
Just to have a little fun
Then I could be the perfect girl for you
(read, "I'm honestly a stupid ho")
You stumble upon a dusty magic lamp as you are tramping through the snow. As you kick the lamp, a genie pops out with a turban on and everything. He says to you, "Since you have awakened me from my slumber, I will grant you one wish, but I get to set the parameters for the wish because I'm ornery". You start to protest, but the genie continues. "I will grant you the ability to punch one celebrity of your choice in the face, without fear of ay legal ramification. When you say this person's name, they will show up right in front of you to begin their unfortunate meeting with your fist. Son of Adam (or Daugher of Eve), which celebrity do you choose to bludgeon?"
Some people might have to sit, and think about which celebrity they would like to pummel. I, on the other hand, could not spew the words 'Paris Hilton' out of my mouth fast enough. I know that there are thousands of internet sites dedicated to hating Paris Hilton, so in part my revelation that I'd like to punch her in her mouth isn't so stunning. But what is stunning is how she continues to suck...er be terrible. Let's make a laundry list of why Paris Hilton sucks, just really fast.
1) She sucks
2) She's not that hot
3) Her voice sounds like fingernail tires screeching to a halt on a chalkboard road
4) Her nose looks like a vulture's nose
5) Her incessant partying is actually annoying.
6) The crap that comes out of her mouth has actually been proven to make people stupider...her sentences liquify brain tissue
7) Not only is One Night in Paris a hit porn flick, it gets you over 35 million hits on Google. I'm sure most of you reading this have seen the movie, but I haven't, but apparently it's a documentation of the only one thing that Paris is good at.
I could go on and on, but the point has been made. Paris Hilton is a plague upon our nation. What makes matters even worse, people, is that the plague is now spreading to te airwaves. Yes, you heard me right, Paris Hilton is cutting a CD that she actually wants to sell to Americans. Her voice is terrible enough with no backgroud bubblegum pop rave going on behind it. Now imagine her voice, in a sing-songy manner, with said bubblegum pop rave booming in the background. I know, it's hard right? But try...trryyyyyyy.
I don't have to try. Because I secretly hate myself, I downloaded a copy of her latest song, "Screwed", from Morpheus (and yes, Morpheus is still around). Journey with me, if you will, to the land of Paris Hilton's creative side. HEY! Pull that gun away from your temple! You haven't even read the lyrics yet!!
Let's start it up again
You’re under my skin
Same old story
Boy meets girl
And she falls much harder than him
Baby, where’s the glory
If all night, all night
Your attention’s not mine
Then, please don't let me in
You’re under my skin
It’s a sin
Cause you’re starting to win
[chorus]
Since I’m already screwed
Here’s a message to you
My heart’s wide open
And I’m just not gettin' through
To the lover in you
And I’m still hopin’
That tonight, tonight
You’re gonna turn down the lights
And give me a little more room
Just to prove it to you
What do I gotta do
Ok that's just the first verse and chorus. I gets even worse from here and I can't even bear to make you, the faithful blog readers, look at this atrocity. Let me give you, as best as I can, an interpretation of Paris' song in my words:
Verse One:
Hey boy face, let's get back together and hook up...I like you more than you like me, so pay attention to me or I'm going to throw a hissy fit
Chorus:
I'm really easy, and have nothing to lose by throwing myself at you. Seriously, I'm really easy and will probably nail you if you just call me and express minimal interest in me.
BAM!! If the lyrics aren't banal enough, the music on this CD is absolute trash. TRASH! I could make the beats with my old Tuareg midi player on my computer. Remember Tuareg? I do, and Paris' song sound like it was made on a shareware midi player. HAHA!! This song is so bad, and Paris Hilton sucks so much, and the fact that she's trying to infect MORE of our media outlets with her terribleness makes me, well, want to punch her in the face. So that's how I feel about Paris hilton, and I'm trying really hard to think of a way to boycott her CD...not because it has questionable lyrics or because it's going to illicit violence from her listeners, but just because it's terrible. The fewer terrible things that we as Americans have to deal with, the better. So if you can help me think of a way to remove Paris Hilton from the ever watchful public eye, let me know.
Oh yeah, also:
Tell me that you do
Tell me that you do
Tell me that you wanna take my number
There will come a day
A hazy day in May
Or a storm in mid-December
When you need someone
Just to have a little fun
Then I could be the perfect girl for you
(read, "I'm honestly a stupid ho")
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Your hands didn't move and neither did mine...
New Years!!
It's the first day back at work, and here's a stream of consciousness rendition of what my brain looks like after a week and a half of not using it:
I'm so tired
I need some coffee
I shouldn't drink too much coffee
Man, I'm hungry
I need to download that all american rejects song
I bet no one knows who sang that song that titles this blog
Becca is loud
I hope it doesn't rain this weekend
I need to figure out my vacation days
Miles Davis
This computer blows
I love new shoes
I'm so hungry
Ok here I go to answer phone calls. Happy New Year!
It's the first day back at work, and here's a stream of consciousness rendition of what my brain looks like after a week and a half of not using it:
I'm so tired
I need some coffee
I shouldn't drink too much coffee
Man, I'm hungry
I need to download that all american rejects song
I bet no one knows who sang that song that titles this blog
Becca is loud
I hope it doesn't rain this weekend
I need to figure out my vacation days
Miles Davis
This computer blows
I love new shoes
I'm so hungry
Ok here I go to answer phone calls. Happy New Year!
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